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ANOTHER UPDATE
I had spent a long time typing out this massive update during the week but my computer was dealing with this virus and suddenly decided to close my window just as I was finishing up. I got so mad that I ended up studying for my anatomy test instead of continuing my procrastination.
Here was the just of it:
1. I am increasing my girly tendencies. When I went to Florida over the thanksgiving holiday, I actually ended up spending 4 out of my 5 days SHOPPING. That’s right, for those of you who know me, I’m normally like a guy when it comes to this topic – I despise shopping. I figure out what I need, I go in, grab it and leave. However, my argument is that outlet shopping doesn’t count as mall shopping because the deals are so good, even guys would go crazy. The day after thanksgiving in US is like boxing day sale in Canada. I keep on hearing stories about ppl getting DVD players for $14-$20…crazy!
2. Went to visit Waterloo when I went back to T.O. Great seeing everyone again. Pre-opt crew still the same as ever…I miss the laugh-until-your-gut-hurts and inside jokes. I was warned that CCF was different this year…totally amazed at how all the froshies are clicking and the just AMOUNT of them. Wow – that all I’ve got to say. Felt at home until Jeff introduced me as “alumni”. That’s when it clicked…I was one of “those” ppl now. You know, the old geezers that would go back to visit; the ppl that I used to look up to because they seem so much wiser – HA!
3. Got to catch up with a lot of ppl and even got to spend some one-on-one time with a few; namely Cass, Alex, Deb and Sam. There’s something about one-on-one conversations that I love – I believe it’s the intimacy, the ability solely focus on that individual. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy getting together in groups and hanging out, but you could be hanging out with the same people yet not really know who they are. Wished that I could’ve talked to Jeff too…felt bad that we didn’t get a chance. Jeff if you’re reading this – we need to get together over the holidays!
4. There isn’t one person that I wouldn’t trust in ‘loo – I know that I could share with anyone and that they wouldn’t judge but simply encourage in any way that they could. I know because so many different people have shown this in various situations. And because I was able to open up to others, I also learned a lot in return. Many thanks to those who took the time to listen during my visit. I think I’m starting to face the right direction. "Love is a choice"; "No use crying over spilled milk" =) I also need to learn how to let go and be more vulnerable while I’m down here. I feel as though I’m not even moving close to my fullest potential in terms of my purpose here.
5. Went on my small group retreat last weekend. Something else I learned about myself, I need to be around nature (Does that make me a naturalist? I forgot the term). I enjoy the sounds as music, how individually created everything is and just how well they work with each other -->wonder and awe, that’s how I feel. But yes, I think another reason I had felt stagnant is because I go between 2 buildings every day and it’s literally across the street. I never realized how much I cherished my quiet time while walking to class back in waterloo.
6. I think I’m falling for this city. I was suppose to catch the late-nite showing of Ocean’s Twelve yesterday but it was sold out, so just got droved around the city for 3 hrs. It’s beautiful, especially at night. They have white Christmas lights out ALL over the city and with their usual 1920’s street lamps, the combination is great. We also drove by this section of the lake that had crashing waves…looks amazing at night! I have this huge urge to drive around downtown Toronto more now.
I have a lot more little thoughts that I want to write about but I have to go decorate my door now – it’s this HUGE competition. I’ll put pictures up if I ever learn how.
THE NAUGHTY ME
I have finally skipped class. Not only 1 class, but most of my day today...and it's the first day of classes! So much for my fresh new start...I woke up this morning and went to my first class (biochem). Sat through 2 hours and was falling asleep the entire time. So came back home and crashed on my bed at 11am. I was completely out, even skipped lunched, and only woke up at 3pm cuz my suitemate came in to remind me that we had an optometry class that took attendence. It was crazy! I think the lack of sleep from the past "break" week finally caught up to me.
The party was great, although my guests got more of a surprise than my parents cuz they weren't expecting my parents to arrive so soon (there was a slight glitch in cell phone reception). All in all, the party went very well. The thing that amazed me the most how everyone helped out to make the entire thing come together. Someone bought all the decoration material, another person bought the groceries, someone else was in charge of catering and cake, another got tableclothes and utensils. Other people were constantly in the kitchen throughout the whole party washing dishes. It's really moving to see how many people love my parents and it's definitely a case of "action speaks louder than words". I am so thankful that we're surrounded by such a great group, it really IS almost a community - especially since they all sort of know each other somehow through my parents.
AH FAMILY...
I know it's been a while since I've last blogged but things have been pretty busy the past 2 weeks. So I'm back in Toronto now since my first quarter just ended and we had a dinner get-together to celebrate my parents' 25th wedding anniversary today.
As I'm pulling out of the parking lot, my 10 yr old cousin Felix squeaks randomly from the back "Hey Vanessa, you getting married?"
In my mind I'm thinking, "Where on earth is this coming from? Do I look THAT old to be asked this question already?!!" So obviously, my answer was along the lines of "No". But seriously, the topic of marriage has been coming up more and more often recently and even within the different groups of friends that I keep in touch with, talk of rings and such are not uncommon.
I was driving by St. Tim's and it has completely changed. It's no longer the same elementary school that I remember.
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing & dance, forever and a day
We'd live the life we chose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
I'm sure this will be a recurring song in my head as we get older...it's all good though - part of the process. Just trying to savour every single moment before it gets lost in all the memories.
For those of you who don't know, I'm planning a surprise party for my parents (with muchos help since I was in the midst of exams and far away in Chicago). Anyway, I think my mom was disappointed that there was not surprise party for her. We have some friends that always get the anniversary party for the milestone years and I have a feeling she was expecting something. I know it's not on the actual day (which my mom is absolutely against) but oh well, ppl are more likely to make it if it's on the weekend.
I also had a presentation planned and have spent the better part of this break week working on it (not all by myself though - you've seen my computer skills!) You know how you go to weddings and most ppl have some sort of powerpoint talking about the couple? Yeah, totally new respect for them! I had absolutely NO IDEA what the job involved. Many thanks to Yu-ling for spending hours upon hours working on it with me. It's literally been 9-5 for the past few days. You're awesome! And I do apologize once again for taking so much of your time.
Oh, more exciting news! Yu was my first victim for #17 on my list. Not only did he slave away but he also had suffered from extreme starvation as I tried to cook...to food poisoning as he ate what I cooked. It was decided that after 2 days of absolute torture, Harvey's was the best solution. *laughs* So who's up next to test out my culinary expertise? Cm'on, there must be a brave soul amongst you even after hearing this - what ever happened to encouragement? So through all the stress of planning, I have to admit that this week has been fun - I can almost say that I know powerpoint! =)
I'll keep you updated on how the party went - I really need to sleep now, I have been really lacking in this area since I came back!
À Bientôt...
THE SLACKING ME
So...totally don't feel like studying. I know I should. Decided to sign up for a new e-mail account instead:
dimples_v@abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijk.com
*laughs* isn't it awesome? it's real too! I think I'll use it just to see everyone try to write this e-mail address down.
Yeah. REALLY don't feel like studying.
CONTINUATION...
...from yesterday's update. Yeah, didn't end up going to bed until 5:30 in the morning. After I finished blogging, decided that there was no better time to learn a little HTML. I know page isn't the best in terms of organization and colour...but hey, it's slowly getting there!
I can see why there are so many computer geeks out there (and I completely say it with love *grin*) - it gets kind of addictive! =)
I was going for the autumn theme...can you tell?
MASSIVE UPDATE
Warning: Lengthy - suggest to read only when have nothing else better to do! (but then again, why else would you be reading blogs anyway?)
Ok, I realize that it's been a while that I've seriously blogged. To be honest, there wasn't much to blog about - I could tell you about what I did but it's the routine of eating; classes, studying and sleeping. And normally, I would have blogged more of a personal reflection but my priorities were all screwed up so there wasn't much of that (as you may have noticed). Luckily, I lost my notebook, which was what got me back on track. Let me explain:
I have this tiny, little notebook that I write verses, quotes, reflections, sermon notes, Sunday school topics, etc. in. I started my first book when Helen & Karen gave each person one at women's cell last Fall. I finished it while back at home for the summer and bought a new one. At that time however, I was going through a transition between fellowships & churches so my new notebook didn't have much focus. It contained more random quotes (not that they weren't good) but a lot less biblical verses (a direct correlation of where I was at the time). I think things got got more and more random as I moved to Chicago.
So last Sunday, I lost this notebook after lunch and I know I last saw it in the sanctuary. I retraced my steps but couldn't find it - so ended up buying a new one. Since I had to start over, I began my first page with 2 verses from Philippians 3: 8 & 10. These two verses are what I'm basing my re-focus on. I knew it needed to happen, because school was taking priority over everything else, yet at the same time I was having such a hard time giving it up. Why? Because this is the first time ever in my academic career, that I have seriously worked my hardest, especially for the reason of just wanting to & for the pure enjoyment of it. More importantly, I was putting effort in and actually seeing the results immediately. It just snowballed and I pushed myself harder.
Things were not going as it should have. I was a believer of Jesus yet I had no accountability. Although Helen has been extremely encouraging long-d, there's only so much you can do without being physically present. There are so many times were I wished Jeff was here to keep an eye on me like he did back in 'loo. It's so much easier to have someone in your group of friends who would rebuke you out of love and I really missed that. My roommate and I get along great; but she's brutally observant and it keeps me on my toes because she would often question where I drew my grey lines as a believer. It was the first time I fully realized that people are ALWAYS watching - what a harsh reality check. I am thankful and ashamed at the same time. I felt like I was being tested and just failing miserably while "on my own". I realized that this was my problem - I felt like I was on my own when I really wasn't. And the reason I felt like this was because my priorities weren't in the right order. It actually not bad, what's bad would be having nobody ever watching, or having lots of people watching but nobody making comments. I am thankful that God gives me accountability when I need it, although (as per usual) not in the way I had expected. I know I still have tons to learn, especially when I see my friends here possessing so many Christ-like qualities that I am weak in. I have 4 years though and I know that God can use this time to shape me if only I am willing.
Now onto my activities update. As you read from my last blog, I had two friends who came down to visit for the Thanksgiving weekend. It was awesome because it's the first time I actually got to go around and act sort of like a tourist in Chicago. Steph took some pics and detailed how she surprised me as well as my reaction (it's a tear jerker *grin* ) so you can find all that on her blog if you'd like. Anyway, while they were here, we got to eat at the Cheesecake factory; went to an awesome place known for its live jazz/blues performances; saw the silver "bean" and walked around the parks surrounding it. It was a blast and I was sad to see them leave so soon cuz there's still so much more we wanted to do (can you say "boat ride" down the Chicago river?)
I've also been going to my on-campus fellowship now that they've switched the meeting day. Just this past week, they invited a speaker who's a missionary & optometrist in Congo. She graduated from Indiana and after working 4 years, went to Congo. She's been there 19 years now and has started 4 clinics (1 of which was destroyed by a volcano eruption). Now, God is leading her to build an optometry school in Congo so that they can provide eyecare to the country more effectively. She shared about the "Power of God" and it was very encouraging to see how things always work out admist the rebellions and diseases.
This is the first time since classes started that I had a real break in my studies. I just wrote a test on Wednesday and won't have another test for 6 days! (mind you - I'm including the weekend though). It's been a real treat and I've been savouring every moment. It was a first yesterday when I didn't rush out after small group finished to study but instead stayed to watch the baseball game, and it was a first today that I 'hung out' away from these school walls and not with classmates either. My SG leader took me out for lunch at a yummy-but-greasy burger joint and then it was someone's birthday so a few of us when to a japanese restaurant for dinner after my classes. (I haven't had sushi in sooo long...mmm, it was de-lishh!) Then went for bubble tea (another deprived asian area of my life) and then IHOP (aka International House Of Pancakes) for dessert. I seriously cannot hang out with these people too much or else I'm going to be a whale - it's unhealthy the way they eat here! But it's been great these past 2 days =) I hope I won't have too much trouble getting back into the groove of studying after having this taste of freedom - I have finals coming up in a week!
I was debating whether or not I should still continue with my blogging...I had more comments about random things that have been going through my mind but they're unimportant in the grand scheme of life and seeing how it's 4 in the morning, I figured I should probably go to bed. Fortunately, I don't have class until noon tomorrow, maybe I can sleep in until then. Haven't done THAT in a very long time. Caffeine in the form of bubble tea late at night is a very bad idea - my lifestyle has totally changed now that I'm here. First off, I'm asian! I should be immune to the effects of bubble tea; heck, I didn't even know that there were effects. Secondly, I'm normally asleep by midnite so being up this late is probably going to throw off my cicadian rhythms. Hee, hee, and the geek terms start spewing out. Uh oh, I starting to get giddy...haven't felt this silly in a LONG while. I miss this too. Thoughts getting choppy and hopping from place to place: bounce, bounce, bouncy, bouce! Hee, hee!
At least now you understand why I wrote such a long blog; my mind is racing a-mile-a-minute...wheeee!
Gotta catch 'em all!
THE WONDER OF FRIENDS
Many thanks to everyone who expressed their love via website posting; e-mails; cards; phone calls; indirect courier service and even a surprise visit! [Steph: You've only made me cry twice since I've known you - once was when I found out you were switching schools and the second time was this weekend. You suck...but that's why I love ya!]
My study group/roomies here have been awesome as well. Although we havne't known each other that long, they elaborately decorated our door, went out and got cupcakes & candles, as well as some gifts: cocoa puffs (which is no longer served in the caf) & juice (which I'm running low on).
I am totally astounded by how many people care about me & my well-being. I am truly blessed beyond belief. I honestly have to wonder why God extends so much grace to someone like me. I know one of my weaknesses is my ability to stay in touch with others and to care about others when it truly counts. I seem to have a disability when showing compassion is necessary - it's like a huge wall that just plants itself in front of my feelings. I can see this being a huge issue come clinic time.
Anyways, there are a bunch of little things I want to blog about since they've been sitting in my head and need to be sort out in writing but it'll have to wait cuz I've got a big test on Friday. Hopefully this weekend!
P.S. thanks again - I really appreciate the time you took to care about me...you know who you are! *huggs*
THE NOSTALGIC ME
So Fall has finally arrived to Chicago. Today was the first day that I seriously felt a chill walking outside and there was that "crispness" that only found in the early mornings around Fall and Winter. Having this change of season immediately brought to mind being in Waterloo. It's like one of those senses triggering memory type of deals. It isn't often that I have the time to miss being back home but today was one of those days. Mind you, I'm not homesick. I did feel it the one time when I called everyone back in 'loo after their first day of classes and heard all of them getting ready for our 'tradition' of going to FED 101 - I was homesick & missed my friends a lot at the moment.
Anyways, this weather reminds of last year. Funny how of all my undergrad years, my last year is most memorable. (It could be because it's also the freshest in my mind...but I'd like to think that it's because it meant the most to me). This weather reminds my of Fall retreat, something that I will never forget and something that will forever change my life. It brings a smile to my face as it also reminds me of early morning encounters before classes. Basically, all the great times that I had during my last fall term - hanging out with my pre-opt crew; shopping with the girls in Montreal; the massive production of Lifesong; and most of all, meeting some new and incredible people.
It's weird how I would miss Waterloo of all places - you'd think that Toronto would be more likely but Waterloo was were I lived independently for the first time, it was were I grew and learned from my many mistakes. Just trying to imagine how I was back in first year getting ready to go Waterloo and it's crazy to see how much change has taken place. I feel as if I had gone through extreme changes, a 360 turn that isn't a complete circle because I will never be who I was when I first started university.
I remember being so shocked to see people doing drugs and having sex in residence. *laughs* Apparently I thought I knew everything since I just graduated high school. Let me tell you, knowing things happened in the world is one thing but when it actually affects you and the people you know - it's a whole other story. Yup, first year was definitely an eye-opener, not just in terms of what it's like outside my "bubble" but also of who I was and how I never had a real stand on different issues.
Second year was a blur, no real lesson sticks out other than the time that I missed my final exam for econ. Betcha didn't know that about me! I don't think I ever mentioned it to anyone since it was such a silly mistake. Basically, I read the date of the exam wrong and missed it because I thought it was the following day. I didn't know until I was getting ready to go out the door and wanted to check the room number. Luckily, my prof allowed me to write the make-up. Still didn't do well even with the extra day of studying...how I despised econ! There, that's my embarrassing story of the day.
I remember writing a list of goals back in grade 11/12 (?) with Steph & Michelle. I don't know if any of you still remember what I wrote. You might have seen it if you came to visit my old house since it was on my wall up until we moved. Basically, the goals addressed how I was and where I stood in terms of relationships. I won't write down what they were cuz a) I can't remember exactlyand b) I know I still have the same weaknesses. I'm surprised though; I must have been a pretty perceptive kid back then (either that or Steph and Michelle were just amazingly insightful). I mention this now because I say that I have gone through a lot more since then - yet at the same time, it's kind of sad because it seems as though some things don't change. Although I choose not to believe that. I know that I just can't change on my own. I believe that if I have my heart set on something much greater; that I will be changed in the process. At least, that's what I hold on to.
Ah, good times all around...Here's to many more years of nostalgia!