THE SIMPLE LIFE

INDESCRIBABLE

So I went to the service last night where Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman & Louie Gigli0 came to Willowcreek to celebrate it's 30th aniversary. For those of you who don't know, Willowcreek is this really huge church out in the boonies (Simon compared it to the Air Canada Center) that's had a really big impact around the world this past little while.

I had gone to visit when everyone came down for Thanksgiving and although the new auditorium wasn't filled on that Sunday, it certainly was filled last night. In fact, every seat in all the balconies were filled. To top it off, their "old" auditorium was filled; as well as the overflow room. It was nuts. I have never been in a place where SO MANY people gathered just to worship our God. It was a very humbling moment.

Have you ever had one of those moments? I get them once in a while on Sundays when I'm at service. I'll be sitting there and suddenly think of my parents, how they're probably at church too...and how many other churches are filled or how many other groups are coming together all around the world to pray to our Lord. How worthy is He! Just the thought fills me with awe. Doesn't it ever make you wonder why we get together? Doesn't it make you want understand who this God is that we worship? What is it about Him that draws so many people and changes so many lives?

I do. And I pray that as I continue to seek Him, that this desire will just burn deeper and stronger. They were saying last night that Willowcreek started out as a small youth group...God sure can do amazing things if we're willing to be used by Him.

EVEN MORE CONFUSED

I just found out I'm class rep. I'm shocked and pleased...but also very confused. Words of wisdom anyone? In need of more prayer.

TOPICS

#1. So I was doing my usual check-up on blogs and it seems as though no one's been updating recently other than Mike and Jolyn. What's up with that? But then I realized who am I to talk since I haven't been consistent either. My guess is that everyone's busy with midterms and living an exciting life...one that doesn't require the escape through blogging. It's coming down to the last 2 weeks for the quarter for me (ie. finals are closer than I care to imagine) so of course, I shall be slacking off and begin blogging again =)

#2. I did something last week that is completely out of character for me and I'm still trying to come to terms with my actions. I decided to run for the position of class rep. You guys know me: I care too much about what others think of me so I'm definitely not one to be involved with anything that requires voting (too many memories of being picked last for sports as a kid), especially when it's 150 of your classmates. I think everyone was surprised that I ran, even my close friends. It's like running for student council in high school - you normally know people, and even though I'm nice, I'm not exactly extroverted. Oh well, this is all besides the point. I ran cuz I care about my classmates and thought that I would do the job well. Is it what I'm suppose to do? I don't think so. It's weird, I ran but I don't think I'm suppose to be class rep. And here's where coming to terms with my actions takes place. I think I've seriously messed things up cuz I tried to take things into my own hands again, doing what I thought was right and good. Above all else, Thy will be done. Is is wrong to still be happy about doing something even though it wasn't what you're suppose to do? I'm glad I submitted my name and said my speech. I'm glad I got the chance share my thoughts with my classmates and friends. Most of all, I'm glad that I faced my fear head-on...not that it's still not there but I didn't run away and hide from it. Is that good or bad? What is the purpose of fear? Is there a time when you should listen to fear (other than in life-threatening situations)?

#3. What do you guys think about meeting someone on-line? It seems to be more common down here in the states, at least at this school...I've heard it at least twice now. I've always been skeptical about it, probably cuz I used to pretend to be different of ppl in chat rooms when I was younger. I know - I'm terrible. But the conversation came up and the reasoning behind it was that you're in school all the time (and our school is small) so you don't really get a chance to meet other people. Which started to make me wonder...how do you meet people once you've graduated? I look at some of my single friends in Chicago, and I realized that it's true...they all just hang out with each other. So the only time there are changes in dynamics is if someone new joins the group - in which case, they'd be "fresh meat". I know a lot of times it's through your friends, but what if you've met their friends already or there is none? Even in those cases, I wouldn't have thought to go on-line but it seems to be working out for them so far - maybe it'll be a possibility in the future(?) *laughs* I don't know why, but I have this bad connotation that finding someone on-line is something that you do when you're not attractive and desperate. And it's totally not true! My classmates could totally find someone to date through the "traditional" means if they wanted to, it just so happened that they went through the internet instead. So now my old roommate is trying to get me to find someone online but...

#4. ...I'm actually perfectly happy where I am right now. It's odd cuz back in high school, I've always been the type of person who wanted to date and wasn't satisfied unless there was someone to obsess over. Now, I look at all these people around me who are in relationships and I thank God that I'm not. That's horrible isn't it? I should be thankful just in and of itself, not by comparison. To see people so focused on their significant others or to see them in pain and suffering...and I'm grateful that I'm not in their position. Doesn't that sound so pretentious? It's so selfish of me to think so but I can't help it. Not to say that I'm not moved when to see some of my friends so thoughtful and soo in love and that I don't sympathize when see my other friends going through their struggles...I am and I do! But in the end, I look at all of the emotional rollercoaster that's involved and I think that there are better ways I want to spend my energy. So yeah...I guess that just means I'm not ready for a romatic relationship yet! *grin* My roommate, the one I mentioned above, thinks that I'm just scared and that I need to get out cuz otherwise I'd get rusty. It's possible that I'm scared...at times I think might be, but is it possible to be rusty? I mean, isn't it just like hanging out with someone and getting to know them better? I assume that's how all relationships are approached and as long as you maintain your friendships, you shouldn't be rusty right?

That's a wrap of topics discussed when we really should've been studying for the pharm test that we had today...maybe then I could've done better!

BTW, I got my first piece of mail today that was addressed to Dr. Vanessa Wong. Doesn't that look weird?!! Obviously they didn't realize that I haven't graduated yet but I completely forgot that this will be how I am addressed after I'm done school. There's a big "whoa..."

OVERWHELMED WITH LOVE

So I was sitting at dinner on Friday night surrounded by family & friends and couldn’t help but start tearing up when I realized just how loved I am. It’s weird cuz only recently, I started having doubts about a lot of things in terms of my relationships with people and here was God blatantly reminding me that He is always at work. Praise God for His continuous faithfulness even when I lose faith. Cam, Irene and Simon came down with my parents this year to visit me and tour Chicago. Their attempted surprise didn’t go as planned since I walked up to the car that they were hiding in while looking for my parents but it was still exciting. I have the most awesome friends! And of course, my parents…whatever will I do without them? They would go to the ends of the earth just to see me.

So we went to Joy Yee’s on Friday after dropping off the bags. It’s the best Chinese food in Chinatown that I’ve had and everyone that I’ve brought there so far agrees with me. I think it’s the fresh fruit drinks that tips the balance. Afterwards, stayed up late chatting of course even though it was a long day for everyone.

Saturday morning, we left to go outlet shopping and I got my birthday present – a cell phone!! Finally, at the age of 23, I have my own cell…I know it takes me a while to follow trends (personal cell phones became popular in high school right?) but I’ve arrived to the 21st century =). I also got a new jacket as a birthday present (my mom said the phone wasn’t a real birthday gift cuz it’s also for emergencies…I’m willing to believe it although I know it’s just an excuse for my parents to spoil me). I splurged on a new wallet – it was more expensive than the one I currently have (granted I got it for 10 bucks at an Esprit outlet when I was in grade 8) but I figured since my old one lasted for so long...this will be another one of those “investment” deals. We went to Maggiano’s for dinner...the most “bang for the buck” I’ve had in terms of fine dining. Granted the wait was 1 and 1/2 hrs long but it was definitely well worth it! I have so much leftovers in my fridge right now - my meals are sooo set for the next few days. After being stuffed silly, we ended up just hanging out in my room while slowly digesting our food. It’s so much fun just to sit around and chat with friends back at home...everyone should come down for a visit!! *grin* I know, I know...now I'm just being greedy.

Sunday morning, we woke up early to go to Willowcreek for service. I haven’t been there since my interview and they’ve totally renovated the place since then. It’s so huge! But the sermon was as impactful as the last time I went. God is doing some crazy things with that place. I kind of want to go there again – apparently they’re having a worship concert with Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and some others, just for people who go to their services. Too bad I don’t have a car. After church, we went to Giordano’s for Chicago’s famous deep-dish pizza. In my opinion, still not comparable to our dinner from the night before but I guess it’s like comparing apples and oranges. We had a hard time finding unblocked roads since the Chicago Marathon was happening. We ended up parking a few blocks away down by the University of Illinois – Chicago and walked instead. It was so cool cuz I actually saw someone I knew running - Gooo Manlee! What are the odds of that in a marathon this big?! After lunch we did the tourist thing, going to see Buckingham Fountain, the big silver bean and walking around Millenium Park. Today was the perfect weather. And then we had to say our goodbyes after which I totally crashed for 2 hrs.

That pretty much sums up my fun-filled weekend. Thanks again for coming down guys - I really appreciate it! Now back to reality…

SOMETHING'S UP, BUT WHAT?

Sorry guys...I finally had a long enough break over the weekend to blog and I didn't. Honestly, I wasn't that I didn't want t...I just lost what I had to share. It was rough at school last week so I seemed to have lost my focus a bit. So of course, I do my other extreme and had a fun/no work all weekend splurge. This does nothing but add to my lack of focus cuz now I can't get back into study mode either.

I know I don't normally list out what I did (cuz I think it's boring) but I feel like I should blog and I'm not right enough in the head to sort out my most recent thoughts:

I miss late nite conversations (in person or on the phone). It seems as though I've got this mindset that school is important and I should get enough sleep for classes. What is THAT all about? I never thought that a day in my life until I got here.

I saw Wicked on friday. It's an awesome show and I recommend it to everyone. I have forgotten how much I love watching musicals. I really should go to more. I'm excited for RENT to come out in theatres. Reminds me of high school and Tee. After the musical, I went out to a club with some first years. I enjoy dancing and they were playing good songs but it also felt weird. I don't know how else to describe it. As much as I like to dance, I think I've moved away from the club scene. Maybe I'll pick up line dancing instead.

Ever get that nagging feeling like something's wrong but you don't know what? Or you have an inkling of what may be wrong but don't know how to approach it so you just pretend it's not there and hopefully it'll go away?

I had another bad dream last nite. It's been a while since I've had one but this was particularly creepy. I dreamt that there was this little boy who found a skeletal remains of an older boy cemented into the sidewalk. At the urging of these two winged things, he took a big axe and was trying to shatter the skull but it only broke off into smaller chucks. His mentality was that the older boy was evil and he had to destroy it. The older boy really was evil but the little boy was also becoming evil because he followed through with the persuasions of the winged demons. It was like the skeletal remains were possessed and controlling those winged thingys. The worse part is that I can still picture how the remains are cemented in even as I type this.

Yeah...I don't know why I dreamt that. I was not watching or reading anything remotely related to this last night or any other night (I guess the winged demons could be similar to the flying monkeys in the musical). So yes, any suggestions on how to stop me from having bad dreams would be greatly appreciated.

ANOTHER QUICKIE:

So much to share, but not enough time. Been doing a lot of half-posts but have yet a chance to actually complete my thoughts. Here's a glimpse until I can:

-relationships
-love, sacrifice and pain
-shamefulness of being ashamed
-priorities
-pride vs. humbleness

Many a tear but finding joy amidst it all...

~V

QUIZ TIME AGAIN!

INDULGING THE "ARTSY" SIDE

It all started with watching the season premiere of House M.D. (great show btw, it's so much fun when you can actually apply stuff you learned in class). I heard a song at the end of the show that sounded familiar. Turns out it's a song originally by Leonard Cohen called "Hallelujah". So decided to check out his site to see if I could find a sample...ended up reading his chat transcript. A lot of his work seems to stem from various religious sources.

When asked about what Christ meant to him, his answer:
"Was looking at the crucifix. Got something in my eye.
A Light that doesn't need to live and doesn't need to die.
What's written in the Book of Love is strangely incomplete, 'til witnessed here in time and blood a thousand kisses deep."

Isn't that pretty? He's not Christian, at least not to my knowledge and some of his works seem the complete opposite, but regardless...I find it fascinating. Apparently he's a Canadian singer-songwriter-poet. I'm reading his stuff now and suddenly, I want to read more works of poets I liked in high school.

Here's are 2 of his poems: (I like them cuz they're easy-reads)

NEVERMIND

The war was lost
The treaty signed
I was not caught
I crossed the line

I had to leave
My life behind
I had a name
But never mind

Your victory
Was so complete
That some among you
Thought to keep

A record of
Our little lives
The clothes we wore
Our pots our knives

The games of luck
Our soldiers played
The stones we cut
The songs we made

Our law of peace
Which understands
A husband leads
A wife commands

And all of this
Expressions of
The High Indifference
Some call Love

The High Indifference
Some call Fate
But we had Names
More intimate

Names so deep
and Names so true
They're lost to me
And dead to you

There is no need
That this surviveT
here's truth that lives
And truth that dies

There's truth that lives
And truth that dies
I don't know which
So never mind

I could not kill
The way you kill
I could not hate
I tried I failed

No man can see
The vast design
Or who will be
Last of his kind

The story's told
With facts and lies
You own the world
So never mind

WHEN I WENT OUT

When I went out to tell her
The love that can't be told
She hid in themes of marble
And deep reliefs of gold

When I caught her in the flesh
And floated on her hips
Her bosom was a fishing net
To harvest infant lips

A soft dismissal in her gaze
And I was more than free
But took a while to undertake
My full transparency

Ages since I went to look
Or she would think to hide
Torn the cover torn the book
The stories all untied

But someone made of thread and mist
Attends her every grace
Sees more beauty than I did
When I was in his place


Why have I never heard of this man before?? Where have I been? Come to think of it, I don't think I know a lot of Canadian artists in general...now I feel ignorant.

for more of his works, check out http://www.leonardcohenfiles.com/

*edit: I just found out that the song was from Shrek...so THAT'S why it sounded so familiar!*

FILL IN THE BLANK HERE

Boy…I soo don’t want to study, that I’m going to blogging about randomness. I KNOW I should considering I have my first test of the school year this coming Wednesday but alas, when have I chosen to study prior to it being the last minute?

So I’ve been amazingly busy this past week but in a fun kind of way. I would go to classes in the morning; have labs, work or study in the afternoons and would do something active and fun the evenings. I’ve gone to volleyball on Tuesday AND Thursday this week…as well as learning how to play tennis on Wednesday. It’s amazing…all of a sudden, I’ve discovered sports! This summer was softball and now that I’m back in Chicago, I’m starting to really like volleyball.

The church that I go to here had its annual Labour Day tournament. There are churches from all over, like St. Louis, Detroit and Milwaukee, that come to play basketball and volleyball. So my small group played the lower division. I think majority of the group could have actually played middle division fine but of course with me on the team…*laughs* Anyway, I had a blast and actually was pretty decent when it counted. We ended up winning first and never lost any of our games. This must be my lucky year…both softball and volleyball teams that I’ve played with ended up in the finals! I think God’s trying to encourage me to be more active and less of a couch potato =)

On a completely different topic, have you ever wondered what kind of impression you give others? I have and for some reason, I had 2 people, on 2 different occasions, tell me theirs today – weird. So one said that I looked smart. How do you look smart? I’ve been wearing my glasses more around school cuz we have to do eye exams on each other; does that help? But I wasn’t wearing my glasses today. It’s odd that I would give people this impression because out of my friends, I’m probably one of the least smart. Honestly, I’m not trying to be humble or anything. I’m just thinking about all my friends that I’ve had. In elementary school, you guys were all the ones that were gifties; that had a certain way of thinking things. Same with high school. In undergrad, I was the average student. I don’t know what it is that gives people this impression. Not to say that I don’t like it. *laughs* It’s just hard to believe…maybe cuz I always grew up with my mom telling me that I was like her, not smart but needed to work hard. Some of you will remember my silly little quote on the whiteboard of my old house.

The second “impression” that I gave off was that I went to a private school. I know it’s odd, but this totally rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it’s because I hung out with a lot of people from private schools as a kid going to my piano teacher and I just have a bad association. It’s interesting how which school you go to, what your parents do, what kind of car you drive, where you live…can mean so much to some people. Mind you I’m not talking about the kids; with the kids, we generally got along and play together. But it did seem to me that there’s a certain snobbery with them…not necessarily intentional; just a type of oblivion to differences in lifestyles. Not to say that I haven’t judge others either or said the wrong things without thinking…*sigh* Forget it, I’ve lost my train of thought and my momentum. I will blog more about this another time…I want to procrastinate some more now by watching a movie.

MAJOR UPDATE

Ok…now that I’m back in Chicago, I get to choose between updating or studying; guess which one I chose?

So since the last time I updated, a lot has happened

I stopped going to Sanctuary for the drop-ins on Thursday nights. I think I got scared by all the challenges that were being placed in front of me and also very confused between what was right, what was good and what was safe. Needless to say, I spent a large part of my summer feeling guilty for quitting, especially since it seemed like I had let God down. Praise God for His love and for surrounding me with such great brothers - who just let me cry and whose encouraging words reminded me that God’s not done with me quite yet. It gives me hope and I’m ready for a new start and a new school year.

I read a lot of books other the summer, not very many I would recommend to anyone. I find that most novels for adults are so predictable that I often forget the storylines now. It’s so bad because I actually started reading this one book only to realize that I read it before...I guess the back cover made it more interesting than it really was for me to forget the title. The only one I would suggest is the 6th Harry Potter. There is something about children’s books that I love…I think it’s the creativity. I could stay at the 4th grade reading level and be completely content. Remember Robert Munsch, Ronald Dahl, Encyclopedia Brown, Gordon Korman? *sigh* Those there the days.

I had joined an elective course from my school over the summer to observe an optometrist in practice. It was an eye-opening experience (haha…sorry for the pun) and made me appreciate how difficult it is to really open up your own practice. I guess I never realized just how much effort was required. I admire all those doctors with their own practices so much more for their perseverance. I got to learn a lot from the doctor that I observed and also by comparing this practice with the one that I worked at. It’s interesting to see what works and what doesn’t work; and just the difference in specialized patient groups and general atmosphere. However, this being me after all, I decided that learning all this stuff was enough and that doing assignments were just waay too much effort for a credit that didn’t need in anyway. So basically, I went through the entire manual but dropped the course once I got back to Chicago.

I also went to Hawaii with Steph right before I left for Chicago. I had an awesome time. I won’t go into too much detail but I will say that if you ever get a chance to you, you MUST go to Pearl Harbour and the Polynesian Cultural Centre. The memorial was very moving, especially when you read the survivors’ accounts of what they experienced. When you think about it, a lot to the men who died were around our age or even younger. It’s crazy when you think about their sacrifice and the fear they must have felt. I regret not getting the audio tour along with it…I was too cheap to pay 5 bucks – but this gives me an excuse to go back again! The PCC was breathtakingly beautiful and all the shows and guides were very entertaining. It’s very expensive but worth it…my other regret is not being able to go to all the different demonstations and talking to the students who work there to learn more about their cultures. If you want a better idea of what we did that week go to Steph’s blog. It’s all true except for the renting surfboards incident; you can read her comments to hear my side. She should have pictures up soon. I don’t really know how to add pictures on but I’ll try a couple.

Before I left for Hawaii I got a chance to meet up with a ton of people. God really does answer prayers. After almost 4 years, a broken friendship is finally starting to heal. I thank Him for teaching me patience and to trust in His timing. I am so incredibly blessed to have so many friends, old and new, who were willing to spend time together. I hope that we will be able to continue share with one another where we are at and to encourage one another to be where we ought to be. And to those I didn't get a chance to get together with before I left, we WILL the next time I'm in town (ie. November - Tee & Dennis!)

Being back in Chicago is great, especially during orientation week. I had so much fun getting to know the incoming first years and spending time hanging out with my small group. I’m trying to do my own version of a caring ministry here just being a friend/mentor to those just starting. I know I sure could’ve used sometime like that. We’ll see how things go once school starts to pick up…I think I’ve put too much on my plate again thinking that I can handle everything and in the end accomplishing nothing. My mom says that I should change my “list of goals” to “list of dreams” since goals are dreams without any action. I find that I go into short spurts of action and that I burn out easily. I’m leading my first bible study tomorrow night. Feeling nervous and unprepared.

“All I have is yours…”
Trying to remind myself that my heart and mind must be in the right place above else. Here goes…