NEXT TIME...?
I honestly tried to post but can't express myself completely at the moment which is why I won't blog. I have been feeling very distracted lately. Maybe in a week or two things things will change...
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"STUDYING" SESSION
So I ended up going to Kareoke with a bunch of CCFers last night. Didn't originally plan on it, told myself I had a lot of work to do but...yeah, I slacked off. One thing cool about going with so many talented individuals that normally serve on worship teams - they even harmonize during bad Kareoke songs! Basically, it felt like I was in a concert (especially once Erica started singing - wow, I could listen to her forever) just very cramped. Lots o' fun and good times. =)
I also learnt how to play 3 chinese drinking games that use dices. I never understood them, although I would always see them played on movies and such. It's actually not that difficult of a concept; most were a modified card game of some sort. One was like playing "Cheat"; one was like playing "Big Two" and one was like playing "Uno".
The best was still listening to others sing...normally, you go to Kareoke to hog the mike (well, at least I do *grin*) but it was actually enjoyable to sit back and hear others belt it out yesterday. I'm still totally in awe of how people can harmonize so easily; we're talking everyone but maybe 4, and including me and Cass. But there were over 12 people there! Now I want to learn how to harmonize...but then again, I want to learn a whole lot of things. That's a whole new blog though...
TRAGEDY....
It's a sad day for me today - it's the official day that I've lost one of my dimples. I want to cry. I knew it was disappearing when ppl started commenting that I only had 3 dimples when I knew that I had 4. At first, I just thought that my cheeks had soo much fat on it that it couldn't even fold over anymore - which is actually contradictory to what you would expect cuz the more the fat, to deeper the folds should be right? Anyways, I looked into the mirror today and didn't see even a hint of its presence anymore. I can still feel a slight indentation in the muscle but I have a feeling it's gone for good.
To my dimple on the right cheek: you have served me well over the years trying your best to balance off the other cheek. You fought a good battle and it is with great sorrow that I bid you farwell. *tear*
On another note, I just came back from dinner with Gary. I was so excited to have plans to go out cuz it's been over a month since I've actually planned to do something that wasn't related to some sort of work. We went to a nice restaurant that I first went with Tim called Sole. If you're in Waterloo, I highly suggest their ceasar salad (trust me, i know my ceasar!) and their steaks are pretty good too...although I had pasta myself. I think tonight reinforced the idea that I can't hold my liquor anymore. Just like our student-prof night, I started buzzing after a quarter of my drink and just like the other time, I started saying random things that could be mistaken as having more than one connotation. Last time, on the topic of cannabalism I had given Jeff permission to "eat me" and this time on the topic of steak dinner, I had told Gary that I really liked "his meat". Ew on both occassions...!! =P *sigh* Must really watch what I say when circulating alcohol in my system. Anyways, conversation really slowed near the end of the night. I'm hoping it's just cuz I'm so tired from lack of sleep and he's fighting a really bad cold, and that it's really not an indication of us not having much to talk about anymore. It's weird but I honestly felt that I didn't really have much to share that he could relate to or that he would care to know. I wonder if he feels the same way. But yes, I am tired now so i will blog again when I'm in a less dreamy state!
GOOD MUSIC
Wow! I'm completely into Nickelback right now...their new album is really good and much harder-sounding than their previous ones (mind you, I do realize I am behind the times since it was released a while ago =P) I never knew how good their lyrics were - combined with the catchy tunes and even better beats of course! Here are the lyrics to one of the songs that I'm still currently digesting:
Believe It Or Not
Believe it or not everyone have things that they hide
Believe it or not everyone keep most things inside
Believe it or not everyone believe in something above
Believe it or not everyone need to feel loved
But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out
Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
'Cause faith is so hard to find
But you don't and you won't
Until we figure out
I've seen it a lot every time the world turns upside down
Believe it or not most of us feel like we're losing ground
Believe it or not everyone hate admitting fear
Believe it or not most of us wanna know why we're here
But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out
Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
'Cause faith is so hard to find
Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
'Cause faith is so hard to find
But you don't and you won't
Until we figure out
Most of us have nothing to complain about
Most of us have things we could live without
Everyone need advice on how to get along
You don't, we won't
Until we figure out
Believe it or not everyone have things that they hide
Believe it or not everyone keep most things inside
Believe it or not everyone believe in something above
Believe it or not everyone need to feel loved
But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out
Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
'Cause faith is so hard to find
Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
'Cause faith is so hard to find
But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out
But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out
How many people do you think can agree and relate to the desperation in this song? Doesn't the idea just excite you to get up and do something about it or drive you to want to learn even more - so as not to feel like this anymore? =)
HOT NEW LOOK!
AH-HA! I am the most brilliant person! I can now do anthing - even start to kick some good CS butts!! In case you haven't noticed, I now have comments on my page to enhance my sexy blog... ; ) Please use it so that I can feel like I do have friends! *laughs*
Many thanks to Raph - for unknowingly helping me with this, and of course to Haloscan for providing the service. And remember, if someone as programming illerterate as me can do this - there is hope for the world!
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Since I'm already on, I'll do my blog as well - nothing to do with thinking today though, just plain rumblings =)
I was on Simon's site a while ago and he had this fun quiz thing up. I definitely recommend it if you're bored and in need of a good laugh. It tests to see what type of person you're most physically attracted to - and they make it all professional sounding with a whole bunch of graphs, so like Simon, I'm convinced! *grin*
Here's my results:
Thanks for taking Match.com's Ph.D.-formulated Physical Attraction Test, a revolutionary development in the world of relationships. This scientific system will help you narrow your search for those who are truly compatible with your physical preferences.
Below is the summary of your report.
Favorite Qualities
Your photo choices suggest a man over 35 is probably getting a little old for your tastes
You seemed interested in dating a man at least 25 or older
Handsome men
So-called "Ecto-Mesomorphs," with narrow chins and nicely angular faces
Light brown hair
Curly hair
Favorite Looks
One of the "looks" that you consistently noticed has been described as "Ruggedly Handsome." These men usually have strong, angular faces and "chiseled" features. Forget small button noses! You like men with strong, manly noses, balanced with an equally prominent chin. A tan and weathered look further adds to their overall impression of masculinity. Only 1 in 10 women (9%) are uniquely drawn to this type of man over a more traditional mainstream type.
Another of the "looks" that you consistently noticed has been described as "The Boy Next Door." He has an open face, with big eyes, and a big grin. He has a youthful or boyish quality that will follow him throughout his life. Typically this look is associated with light brown hair, a close shave, and blue or hazel eyes. These guys convey a warm, trusting impression, but watch out for that mischievous side! Our studies find that about 1 in 5 women (18%) are especially attracted to this youthful look.
I guess this means pretty faces are out of the question...*sigh* Too bad, I COULD have had good-looking kids. Now, they're either going to be manly (that's ok for the boys but my poor, unfortunate girls) or just very plain lookin' *laughs* And no one under 25?!! Now that's really limiting my choice selection now that I'm in 3rd year - guess that means I'm just going to have to stop robbing-the-cradle.
Just a word of advice, it's slim pickings when going through the pictures...well, for the girl - I havn't been bored enough to try doing the guy's yet. Actually, it wasn't too bad until one question...then my wide range of choices suddenly narrowed down to 2 possible guy types. Oh what a sad day it was... *laughs* Post your answers too so I can see who to set you up with! =) I'm j/k...but do post your answers so I can a) see that my comment board is working; b) make fun of you as well; and c) make fun of you some more.
RELATIONSHIPS
*laughs* I can see this has a very high chance of be a continuous discussion on my blog. I'd be interested to see how my views change as grow older.
Anyways, I was looking back on a conversation Deb and I had a while ago and one thing that caught my eye was when she asked what I had learned from my past relationships.
"i learned most about myself...i learned that there are so many areas of my life that I need to work on and that would not be able to work without God's grace. i used to say that my boyfriends brought out the worst in me...i now see that the poor guys' just showing me who i really am...and i hate to say it but it's ugly - I'm really ugly when it comes to relationships but I'm glad God revealed this side of me cuz it only shows how much more I need His help to be the beautiful woman God has planned me to be"
I'm putting this answer up as a reminder to myself...when I start to get prideful of thinking that I can do things on my own, without relying on God. I guess this thought can tie in with my "Remember" blog last month.
What brought about this topic all of a sudden? We've been having a trilogy-turned-sequel on this idea the past 2 weeks in our Questions Unanswered cell group. The next meeting is tomorrow night so I'm sure I will have more to blog about later on.
So I was having a conversation on msn with my ex today (oh how i dislike this term! I long for the day I can feel comfortable enough to say friend, which is odd considering how close you get to someone when you're dating them) and I started to reflect more about our past and present relationship. Am I pleased with where we are now? Absolutely! I'm so glad that we have moved to the point were we can speak to each other on a casual basis. I always believed that if we were to keep in touch, it could only be because it was in God's plan. Same with if we ever saw each other again...I don't think I would ever purposely meet up and chit-chat over drinks without some sort of indication that it's time to do so. I guess things are still bumpy --which is weird.
When any of my low situations are seen in retrospect, I find that I'm always stuck with conflicted emotions. "Do I wish I could have done things differently if I could go back" The old me would have said no - everything can be a postivie learning experience. But as explained in my testimony, I realized that this isn't always the case. There are going to be times that you just have to face the fact that you're not acting like the person you were meant to be. Here's where the conflict comes in. If I go back to change things, then I may not necessarily end up where I am today. Now that's a scary thought! But then again, I guess it could be argued that either way, it's God's plan and if He calls me to Him, then I would have been found regardless of whatever situation I'm in.
Whoa! That went off on a tangent...The reason all that came up was because Ivan once asked me if I thought my ex was "the one that got away". I think the reason his question still stays with me is because, even now, I still can't give a completely straight answer. My answer remains the same as it was then - I can't picture us working out so I can see how it's a good thing that we broke up...but I wouldn't mind a second chance just to be able to prove that I can do better. But this leads into our cell group discussion on the purpose of dating. If you can't see a possible good outcome, should you still bother trying? Head knowledge versus putting it into pracitise in our daily lives...that's the toughie.
Wow...I totally didn't realize how personal I just got. Part of me wants to not put this up altogether. But another part says: this it's who I am, these are my experiences, thoughts and feelings, I know the people who are reading this...I feel close and comfortable enough with them to share these things.
So yes, what IS the purpose to dating? I'm still not quite sure where I stand. Last week, there were serveral perspectives brought up.
1) That you are able to bear more good fruit than each is able to do individually.
- This means that the two of you can encourage not only each other, but those around you as well better and more than you can do being single. Ray said something about multiplying your fruit - that's like exponental growth when you're tegether with someone! How many couples do you know can actually do this? I find it very challenging - but something to look and work towards =) I believe Joshua Harris also touches on this idea briefly in his book "Boy meets Girl".
2) That you experience God's love.
- This was in response to my other question following #1 "What do you get from dating that you can't possibly get from a good relationship with a fellow brother?"
- The idea is that you feel all these emotions for your significant other, and the astounding part is that t's NOTHING compared to how God feels for you. I thought this was kind of neat, something I think we can all relate to...although the idea itself doesn't sit well with me and I just can't quite put my finger on it. My point is that you don't need be in a dating relationship to experience this love. Ideally, you should be able to every day and with every person you encounter.
3) That you exhibit God's love.
- This was a re-edited version of #2 to encompass #1 as well. Again, my same point - shouldn't you be able to do this with every person you encounter?
4) To explore the possibility of marriage
-It's not necessarily that every dating relationship with lead to marriage but that you shoudl go into it with the intentions of getting married. But see, a long, long time ago (even in the Bible) there was no marriage right? Everything was just arranged. And people still learned and grew to love each other. Why can't that happen nowadays?
So my question still remains - what is the purpose for dating? Please msg me your responses cuz I do want to know what you think! =)
FLOATING AWAY...
My head's been up in the clouds the past week and still eludes me. Hard to describe and even harder to explain. Don't worry, nothing's wrong. I'm doing the "huh...?; wha...?" more than usual, that's all. I've been really out of it - but I will blog once again when I my mind returns... =)
WEEKEND
So now that my crazy week is over, you would think that I have a lot to blog about. But I don't. At least not really in terms of huge happenings. So this will be a general update. It's kind of odd but today's sermon was about peace and I guess that how I've been feeling lately, at peace At peace with myself, with others and most of all with God. I don't know how long this will last so I'm going to try to enjoy it as much as I can.
Lifesong was great - God really worked through the whole thing. The testimony was moving, the speaker was challenging, the play was well rehearsed and, or course, the music was great! *grin* No, no...our musical set went surprising well with much of His grace and I only screwed up on the chorus and not on my solo. But the other band was amazing! The play sort of ended with Alex struggling with these new ideas, coming home to Jenny and asking her his questions. She didn't know the answers and so they just sit there in silence. The lights dim on the play and shines on the backstage area with Andrew and Nate starting to play their guitars and singing. Toby comes in with his sand shakers, then Yu-ling on piano, and Mike on bass. Toby then moves to the drums. I really enjoyed their song. It was Steven Curtis Chapman's "More To This Life". But they decided to change the chorus but keep the words and so it was a mixture of John Meyer/Starfield/Jars of Clay and I don't what else. And the result was amazing - i really found it touching.
It was 9:30ish when we left Lifesong cuz Di, Anna and Kev wanted to get ready to go to REV. I had originally told them I would go (it was a sort of trade off for them coming to Lifesong) but I wanted to have food first cuz I was too nervous to eat anything all day. On the way back, we had a lot of discussion about the play, reason for doing good deeds, heaven, sin and sinners. I just thank God that we could have such lively discussions. I also wished that Alex hadn't said that if anyone had questions to ask those that were on stage. *laughs* I'm kidding! But they all decided to ask me questions and they weren't direct questions - but more comments and wanting to know what the Christian perspective was. I really wished Jeff was there...I'm sure he would have had better responses. But it was Anna that kind of reminded us of what Sam said as a conclusion. That we are NOT perfect, and that we DON'T have all the answers, nor can we pretend to have all the answers. If anything, we probably have more questions than anyone else. It's just that the night was meant to show everyone what we believed in and why we believed in it.
So anyways, I skipped out on REV to have dinner (Cass came to keep me company), which I feel REALLY guilty for...so hopefully I will have a chance to make it up and party with them. I was honestly not in the mood to go clubbing after the crazy week and Lifesong...just wanted some slow time by myself - which I got a lot of this weekend. Got news from mom after coming home and we decided that they would come up for a visit, which they did yesterday. I slept in on saturday, woke up only to watch all the Friends episodes I borrowed from Cass. Went to the Frosh leaders interview with Di and then met up with my parents.
I got to spend some time talking with my mom while my dad was taking a nap in my bed. I know that not everyone is as close with their parents and to have such loving, supportive ones is truly more than I deserve. She mentioned how a co-worker's husband had just passed away and their son is my age. I tried to put myself in his shoes and was honestly thankful for my blessings. The amount of suffering that family has gone through already and the fact they can continue to be strong and rely on God is an amazing witness to all those around them. I am so fortunate to have TWO, HEALTHY parents whom I can turn to for wisdom and friendship. *smiles* Friendship...that's how we've been viewing our relationship lately. Not so much as authoritative figures but more so as brother and sisters encouraging each other to grow in our walk. Weird huh?
Well Gary joined us for dinner and a funny thing happened. During dessert, Gary was about to hand my dad his bowl when the waitress said: "It's ok, I'll hand that to your dad". We all started laughing as soon as she left. After my parents left, Cass and I went to CIF to workout. It's sooo nice! I think we're going to go there from now on. I'm soo out of shape...had to keep on decreasing the amount of resistence on the eliptical *laughs* And it's only been a week! I'd like to think it was just cuz it was a different type of machine...
Today was a nice day. I went to late service at CFC today and like I said earlier, the topic was on "progressing with peace". The service ended with the worship band playing a song called "peacemaker". I've never heard the song before but it was pretty cool cuz they had 5 girls acting out all the words in sign language. After church at CFC, Deb and I got together for lunch at Fiasco's. We had a good time sharing with each other over a large, delicious and CHEAP ($2.99 incl. drinks) breakfast special. She then came over to watch a chinese movie that I also borrowed from Cass. We discussed the movie and some ideas it brought up before her leaving to make dinner. I'm going to head over to Cass's place cuz she's going to dye her hair. I really should be doing the work I planned to do tonight, but I'll do it a little later...late class tomorrow!
Wow...my not-so-much-to-talk-about is quite long and my life really isn't that exciting. Sorry to all those who actually made it to the end *grin* I'll try to be deeper in my thoughts the next time a blog. HA! Who am I kidding...when have you ever seen me think deep thoughts! =)
BTW, I found the hair brush that I thought I lost at Winter Retreat. It was lost under a pile of snow and since it's been pretty warm lately, the snow melted and I found it outside my house! So yea...I have my brush back now! =)
REFLECTION
So after blogging last night, I was in bed doing some thinking and praying. As I was going over how I was thankful for the computer going back to normal, I realized that there was something else that I really needed to be thankful for - and that's God's love; seen constantly through those around me. I forgot to mention on my blog yesterday, but after our practice yesterday Sam asked how my screen's been doing. I don't remember if I mentioned it but, my laptop is currently pink. I told him that nothing's changed and he offered to lend me him computer, after some resistence - he won. I now have a FLAT SCREEN, 15" monitor sitting on my desk. So in actuality, it's me that won.
God has placed some many blessings in my life, from my family to my friends, and ever time I look around I see all these things that I absolutely DO NOT deserve. And it's scares me sometimes. Why is God giving me so much? Why does He love me so much? What does he want me to do? It doesn't seem like anything that I do will be able to thank Him enough. No matter how much I try to return His love, I AM going fall and fail Him at some point. But I'm glad that he's provided me with so many blessings. Not because they're to my benefit (though I truly do appreciate everything!) but because God's reminding me of how much further I still need to walk; of how much I still need to grow in Him. Experiencing Sam's genuine brotherly love is something that I definitely need to learn. Can I selflessly see others needs and put them first? Can I truly serve others to the BEST of MY abilities and gifts? Can I share with others what God has so lovingly blessed me with? Every time I think my answer is yes, God shows me a situation where I may be challenged.
Another example of brotherly love occurred when I got home tonight - Alex gave me a call just to see how my applications were going. Although the phone call may not have meant much to him, it showed me that I do have the support, encouragement and most importantly, rebuke from those who care about me. Who can I call today to show them that same love?
And I'm curious to know: what would your answer be to these questions? Do you have any other self-examining questions that I can add to my list?
THE TONE-DEAF ME
I was doing non-studying stuff during my studying time when Sam gave me call to ask about our music assignment. And then he asked if I could sing cuz they needed someone for one of their musical sets on Lifesong. Since I wasn't doing anything too productive, I agreed to go over to his place (besides, I'm normally the one that's begging others to sing with me...granted, they're usually at inappropriate times and places but still...!) The song's called "Place in this world" by Michael W. Smith. If you've never heard it - find it! It's a good song =) So, i walked over to Sam's place and we sang it once over; I personally never heard the song before either. Anyways, Jenny suggested that I sing an octave higher during the chorus. Now, I may have done the whole mass soloist thing back in the day...but that just meant that I knew how to work with the very limited range that I had. I DO NOT have a beautiful voice, I DO NOT have a melodious voice, and I DEFINITELY DO NOT have a soprano voice. *laughs* So you can imagine how horrible it sounded when someone with a low voice attempts to sing high - yes, there was a lot of screeching involved! We decided that I would still sing higher than the boys, but in harmony so that it's still within my vocal range.
We practiced a tad more and then I got Sam to record it for me so that I would have the melody to practice with at home. I thought it sounded ok...not good or amazing but decent, ya know? Boy was I wrong! I heard the playback and I couldn't help but shiver each time I heard myself go off key...and let me tell you, I shivered a lot! Gosh, was that the way I always sounded when I sang? Man, how on earth did I get to be in choir, much less get chosen to sing for mass?!! I will be needing a lot of practice ... and even more prayers, especially since it's in 4 days!
But yes, please do come to Lifesong. If you've haven't heard of me talking aobut it last term, it's an event that our Waterloo fellowship puts on each term. It's basically a night of drama and music, with a speaker and maybe some testimonies. I have no idea what's in store this term since I wasn't involved with anything until now but I'm sure it's awesome - it normally is! Lifesong is happening this Friday; February 27th at 7pm in the Modern Languages building. Come on by if you're free and I promise that I really am singing this time (unlike my 'singing' last term) but i'm warning you ahead of time, it's not that much better! =P
P.S. An update on my virus situation: My anti-virus suddenly started working again just now so it found the 2 bugs that were hiding in my computer. Unfortunately, it can't repair it, so all i have done so far is just quarantined it. But yea, I'm bug-free again so I have even more to be thankful for now! =)