RELIGION, FAITH AND ALL THE DEEP STUFF
I actually wrote a ton of stuff down on Thursday but lost all it while trying to post. Hopefully I can remember what I said:
I just wanted to post my own thoughts in regards to the comments made by everyone here on Feb. 14th.
First, let me clarify that whenever I use the term Christians (online or in real life) I use it non-specifically, in no way implying only Protestants but also including Catholics. I say this cuz I have personal issues about using the term "Christians" as only pertaining to one particular group. I believe that anyone, regardless of their denomination, who not only BELIEVES in Jesus Christ but also FOLLOWS Him in their daily life is a Christian. That is, Catholics are also Christians if they fit the above description; just as some so-called "Christians" aren't really followers of Christ.
Logistics aside (and I'm sure I'll be getting responses to the above statement), there are two parts of the Monday discussion that I wanted to try to wrap my head around. I am in no way claiming that I know everything; on the contrary, I don't know/understand a lot and I'm just hoping to organize some of my own ideas. Please let me know your thoughts and maybe we can come up with something together!
1. Christians use a check-list to measure devotion.
I think the reason behind this faith needs to be understood in order to see why it may seem like there's a check-list. I remember Ray saying once that "Christianity is not a habit but a lifestyle". It’s being intentional in what you do.
I think that as someone who believes is Jesus, you should try your best to remember and reflect Christ's love daily, in everything that you do. I know this isn’t easy or even always possible. And I’m definitely not saying that I’m anywhere close to the vicinity of achieving this; but I don’t think that our humanistic self-serving nature should ever be used as an excuse for not even trying.
This is what Jolyn insightfully said the other day: “I think we can all be a little bit better everyday. I'm not satisfied with anything, just so I can motivate myself to keep things dynamic and always moving forward. But I'm content with what I have, and I have faith in all that's around me.” That’s what I’d like to be able to say.
Remembering and reflecting His love not only includes praying, fasting, going to Church, etc. but also how you interact with others; and more importantly, your reasons behind these interactions. "If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
Love, not just for our family and friends but also for the poor, the dirty, the sick, the drunk...it means for anyone and everyone who is in need of love. But most of all, it's love for God. Because He loved us enough to sacrifice Himself. And this is the reason why, or at least I think it should be the reason why people pray, fast and do all the other things.
It's with thanks that these things are done. We want to do them as our own personal way to show God that we love Him. If these things are done just because that is what’s always been taught but there’s none of our own individual reasons behind it then it really does just become a check-list and nothing more.
2. Sort of related and implied to the above...or if not implied, something that's been on my mind.
I have to somewhat agree that there seems to be a silent screening of amongst Christians. I see certain people within the religion who "screen" and place more importance on certain aspects. Eg. People who do missions are more spiritual than others. I completely disagree with this and I think Simon touched on this briefly with everyone being called to serve in different areas. No calling is more special than any other because they all ultimately contribute to a higher purpose. “Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function”.
I say this because I actually have a personal agenda. I will be leaving for Haiti in less than 8 hrs for a short-term missions trip. It’ll be with my on-campus fellowship and we’ll be there for one week providing eye care.
Some of you will be surprised because I’ve never mentioned anything. And it’s because I don’t think it’s as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be. Don’t get me wrong, it matters to me to a certain degree, but only because this is something that I’ve always wanted to do, to go somewhere else to help others and now I’ve been given an opportunity to do it.
I have to confess however, that my reasons for going don’t exactly align themselves with most mission trips. I don’t have a burden in my heart to share the Gospel with others. The thought makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable, not only because I don’t know how and that I’ve always been extremely turned-off by it when it happened to me, but also because I think my faith is a very personal thing that I don’t necessarily feel comfortable sharing with everyone. Does this make me less of a Christian? This was something that I was struggling with for the past couple of months and my answer is I don’t think so.
In the other post that I tried to write, I kept saying that I wanted to help others and that was my reason for going. It still is, but the closer I get to leaving, the more this reason becomes secondary. As much as I want to help others, I’m selfish and what I really want more than anything right now is for God to draw me closer to Him through this experience. My personal prayer is that I will be able to grow and become stronger in my faith through all the opportunities that He’s blessed me with.
I know I’m going to be humbled by this trip…It’s impossible to go to somewhere like Haiti, the poorest country in the Western hemisphere, and NOT be humbled. I am expecting extreme beatings on my pride. Especially since I’m going down with a mentality of helping others; when in reality I don’t even know the first thing about what it means to really love another human being. I know that I’m going to be receiving more than I ever expected to give. I’ve got to be honest, when I think about all this, my ego gets apprehensive about going. Am I ready for it? We’ll find out...
See you in a week!
BOYS START TAKING NOTES
I realize that this is belated but it actually slipped my mind yesterday that is was Valentine's day.
Here are some suggestions to win your way to a girl's heart:
- Offer to tutor her; get offer accepted and then proceed to spend at least 1 hr/wk one-on-one
- Invite her skating & dinner downtown
- Make her hot chocolate and then bring it to her room when she says that her nose or toes are cold
- Bring back advil from the store when she's not feeling well
- Make her a ham and egg sandwich when she's not feeling well
- Bring her chocolate cake for no reason
- Bring back food every time you go out with your friends, especially if it's sushi
- When out partying with your friends, go back home early to watch a movie with her once you hear from her voice that she's had a rough day
- Invite her to the Eyeball and then sit with her friends even though it's your last school event to hang out with yours
- On Valentine's day, leave each of her friends a Disney card in their mailbox
- Send an e-mail card to the friend whose name you messed up
- Leave a dozen gorgeous red roses in the security office for her to pick up after work
Here are some things NOT to do:
- Act like you're already her boyfriend when you're not yet
- Be all over her when she's out; especially if you're meeting her friends for the first time
- Be jealous of her spending time with guys whom she's known longer than you
- Refuse to hang up when she says she needs to go study
- Hang out with her brother to the point that you sleep at each other's place (when you weren't friends prior to meeting her)
- Leave her online msgs asking why she's not responding
- Throw a hissy fit saying that you don't mean much to her when she can't recall the last mark you got in your class
- Continue to smother her after she's requested some space
- Send a Valentine's card with a 2 page list of why you love her (including how her nostrils flare)
What? People who does these things really do exist?!! Mega props to the first guy...even if he doesn't get the girl; he's definitely got her friends rootin' for him! =) So moral of this story: don't forget the friends when you're interested in some girl...*laughs*
P.S. On a completely unrelated note, check out Dennis' blog for a little story about the existence of evil.
FRIENDSHIP (PART II)
Do you ever wonder how well you know your friends? I do. There are times where even with those that I grew up with, I am surprised by something that they say or do. Not to say that it was something bad - just something that I wouldn't normally expect from them. Like there's a side that I've never seen and it just throws me off. It makes me wonder whether number of years really have any significance in how well you know someone. Part of me says it doesn't, cuz it all depends on how much you are willing to share and open-up. People can know each other for years and still be perfect strangers.
But another part of me wants to say that the friends that I have, I DO know pretty well. Unfortunately, it doens't always seem like the case. Granted, we've known each other for a heck of a long time; but how much time have we actually spent together? And how of the time we spent together was real quality time? Time spent getting to know personalities, beliefs and what makes you and I tick?
I guess what I'm wondering is how well do you really know those that you call your friends and how well do they really know you. I know that there are some things and parts of yourself that you'd share with some people that you wouldn't necessarily feel as comfortable sharing with others, but still...it's weird no? That potentially someone could have friends but not really be friends. Another thing that I wonder, do those that I consider to be my friends consider me as their friend? Why or why not?
This friendship thing has been boggling my mind lately. Actually, a lot of things have been boggling my mind. *laughs* It sounds like I'm going through so sort of teenage angst. As you can tell, I'm in a weird thought process right now; most likely stimulated by the fact that I don't want to study for my next final.
I just want all this icky-ness to be over with!
QUICKIES
1. I have a headache. It started this morning and has been driving me insane all day. Make it go away!!!
2. Bought 2 new books yesterday at a conference =) I know, I really shouldn’t…especially since I still have TONS that I haven’t read. But I’m excited – they both sound really good and I’m halfway through one of them already. I’ll probably give a review sometime.
3. Also read some other books since I came back from the holidays: The Da Vinci Code and also The Alchemist. Interesting how two secular books that touch upon Christianity can have such different approaches/views. I may also post some quotes I like from these two later on.
4. Been slacking off more this quarter. (ie. not studying as much and hanging out with people from the church instead). I always do the complete 180 when I see a need to change. Last quarter I totally focused on school but this quarter I focused on fun…where’s the balance?
5. Oww! My head is still killing me.
6. Been thinking about fellowship and what it takes to have a genuine relationship with others. I mentioned about needing to be more vulnerable in a past posting and I had a bit of a breakthrough in my small group last week. I still need to take initiative though. I tried today but I found out that God had something even better in mind for me. As per usual.
7. Had a weird dream last night…almost a premonition. Glad I followed through today and called to check up on an old friend. It WILL happen, I KNOW it will. It’s only a matter of time and in the grand scheme of things, that’s not very long =)
8. I have 2 lab practicals this week. I went to practice my optometry tonight cuz I need to be able to complete my exam within 25 mins. I’m STILL forgetting too many little things! And I’m debating whether or not I should bring my calculator. It’s so unprofessional but I wonder if I’m going to get too nervous and forget how to subtract properly.
9. Throbbing …why won’t you just disappear?!!
10. I need to pray more…more earnestly, more honestly, more humbly. I have Isaiah 43:1-13 on my mind. Came across it when I needed it the most. Taking comfort and encouragement from it.
11. I was resenting being in Chicago for bit. Couldn’t understand why I was here ; particularly since I made the decision with God in mind. Didn’t feel as though I was growing/learning. My eyes have been really opened these past two days by just how much God really is working in this city. All I can do is just stand in awe of His power. Have to remember that there is more to life than my own little world!
THE CONFUSED ME
In relation to the quote below, what do you think being a man entails? If you’re male and reading this – do you identify yourself as a “guy” or a “man” (vice versa for the females)? I think I refer to most of my male friends as ‘guys’. I don’t really associate “man” with too many of them. For sure I don’t identify myself as a “woman”; I guess that would mean that I think of myself more as a “girl”. What makes someone of the female gender a “woman” instead of a “girl”?
I think part of it has to do with age. I can’t see a 40 year old and still call her a girl. But what about those who are in the 20’s? I’m in a young adult group right now and I would identify some females as “women” and others as “girls”. The only distinction that I can see is that the ones that I consider “women” are more introverted and quiet and the ones I consider “girls” are more energetic and enthusiastic. I know something’s wrong with this perception but I can’t put my finger on it.
Also, this difference doesn’t sit well with me because that would mean that I would have to be less enthusiastic and more quiet. I don’t want to be but granted, it seems like this is the way things are going right now. I don’t know if it’s because I’m continuously lacking sleep and increasing stress but I find that how I act now is very different from how I acted all my life. Or is this what it’s like as you get older? Does everyone get like this?
There are so many times I want to make comments and then realize that they would be inappropriate and so I don’t say anything at all. But I feel like I’m not letting others get to know me if I am always so quiet. What’s happening to me? I don’t really say whatever comes to my mind anymore and on the off chance that I do, my friends give me a weird look, like they don’t know who’s talking…but it’s me all along, just not saying anything. Does any of this make sense?
I feel as though I should change my blog heading from “In Chicago” to “In Transition” because that is really how I feel right now. There are too many things that are different in terms of my personal self and the dynamics of people that are around me. There are days where I think I know what’s going on and there are days where I just go through the motions. There are only 2 constants that I KNOW are truths: God is always here and my family will always love me. All I can do…is keep holding on and enjoy what the ride.
“Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be”
~ Switchfoot: “Dare You To Move”
QUOTE OF THE DAY
DC: “Lloyd, why do you have to be like this?”
Lloyd: “Because I’m a guy, I have pride.”
Cory: “You’re not a guy.”
Lloyd: “I am!”
Cory: “No. The world is full of guys. Be a man. Don’t be a guy.”
~Film "Say Anything"
...Enough said.
FRIENDSHIP
As I had mentioned in one of my previous blogs, something that had been bothering me over the Christmas holidays was my unappreciative nature. An incident had occurred and I was extremely upset over it so I had posted a blog immediately after. I realized why Proverbs are full of such wise words like "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise". I doubt anyone had time to read my post because soon after, I re-read my vent and decided it was better to remove it.
Basically what had happened was I got a call from a friend saying that they weren't sure they wanted to be friends anymore. At first, I was extremely upset because a) I didn't see it coming; b) I thought it was an extremely childish thing to do; c) I was hurt that someone didn't want to be my friend. I got angry and defensive and posted my feelings of outrage. (This would be my quick-tempered side coming out).
Since then, I have come to realize that it was a great thing for this person to call me. It told me that our friendship meant enough for them to tell me that they weren't happy with how it was going. Granted, no one likes to hear that they need to put more effort but I realized that I tend to take advantage of my friendships with people. Rarely do I call up friends just to chat and see how they are doing - even if it's just for a few minutes. I had come to define friendship as something that was silent and understood, not realizing that friendship was a lot like being in a romantic relationship - that it requires love in the form of time and action from both parties. You can't just keep on taking without giving something back. I still have a lot to learn, especially in terms of how to put my love into action. So many times I don't even see or think about the opportunities I have to show my friends that I care about them. That phone call was a sharp reminder that I need to get moving.
So to all of you who frequent this page, I thank you for caring about me and what's been going on in my life. I'm so, so terribly sorry for not being a better friend when I could. I do value you in my life even though I may not show it properly. Please be patient with me as I learn how to actively love. It's a big struggle for me cuz I'm so selfish with my time but I want to keep our friendship because you mean a lot to me!
DREAMS
What are dreams anyway? How do they occur? Is it ever possible that they come true? Do they reveal our innermost desires and fears? I just had a weird and crazy dream. It was nice, I didn't want to wake up but at the same time I wouldn't want it to come true because I know the consequences.
Do you ever have dreams like that? Dreams where you remember the emotions you felt from the dream more than the dream itself? This was a weird dream because of all these crazy emotions but also because the dream itself seemed so real, it felt so vivid while I was in it. Haven't had a dream like that in a very long time. I felt lost in it and I had such a hard time waking up from it because it felt like I was drugged on it. It was one of those that at the beginning you knew it was a dream so you say things you normally would if you were awake, but then the dream uses those real aspects of your life and suddenly it doesn't seem like a dream anymore.
.
.
.
I just wrote out my dream. *laughs* I know it seems silly, I used to write out the ones that really struck me back when I was in Gr. 7/8. It's fun to read again from time-to-time. I haven't had such a strong dream since then anyway. So, I wrote it out and it's fun to analyze. I can totally see my subconscious working throughout the entire dream: things that I don't think about quite often but I know are sitting in my mind. I do believe that dreams sometimes show your fears and desires (in this case: not enough time; false sense of security; lots of guilt). Not all the time, sometimes they're just silly. But once in a while... wow, I guess I didn't realize how much baggage I was carrying around until just now. Interesting. Anyway, I doubt I have any prophetic capabilities though; which is probably for the better! =)
BACK IN THE GRIND
So I'm back in Chicago. I was looking at my blog listing thingy and I actually have 5 or 6 unfinished blogs saved as drafts. I will attempt to either finish them or delete them. Anyway, one thing that's been constantly eating at me over the holidays was my unappreciative nature. I find that I'm very ungrateful and quite selfish. I will only take action when it fits in my personal schedule and only if it suits my current whim. I will blog more about this later as it ties into one of my unfinished drafts.
I've got a test tomorrow and don't feel like looking at it anymore. Guess that means, I'll just get up early tomorrow for a last minute cram session again. I'm enjoying every minute of school - I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, even if it is studying!!! =)
GIFT-GIVING
Is it wrong to have this strong desire to post a wish list? Does it give the impression that I'm greedy or materialistic? I was thinking about our annual gift-exchange and it seems like every year, we have such great difficulty figuring out what to get each person. Wouldn't it just be easier to have a list to chose from - a list large enough that there would still be some element of surprise? (as per Herb's suggestion) This is the method my family and I have been using the past couple of years.
Most people want something practical and as a gift-giver, I personally wouldn't want to spend money on something that they didn't like or would just sit around collecting dust. Isn't this the best way to solve the problem? How did gift-giving come about anyways? What is the perpose or symbolic meaning behind all of it? Am I just being too practical and not appreciating the whole thought behind it?
I know that there are some things that I could use or would like to get for myself but most of the time, I'm just too cheap to be willing to spend money on it. I'd rather spend money on other people because I find that I don't cherish things as much if I buy them for myself. Does anyone feel the same way? I can't even begin to tell you how much I've spent on sunglasses that I've lost but I can tell you each crease in the books that have been given to me (there aren't many). Or maybe it's just that I take care of my books a lot better than anything else. Weird huh?
I'm coming home in 3 days!!