WEEKEND
So now that my crazy week is over, you would think that I have a lot to blog about. But I don't. At least not really in terms of huge happenings. So this will be a general update. It's kind of odd but today's sermon was about peace and I guess that how I've been feeling lately, at peace At peace with myself, with others and most of all with God. I don't know how long this will last so I'm going to try to enjoy it as much as I can.
Lifesong was great - God really worked through the whole thing. The testimony was moving, the speaker was challenging, the play was well rehearsed and, or course, the music was great! *grin* No, no...our musical set went surprising well with much of His grace and I only screwed up on the chorus and not on my solo. But the other band was amazing! The play sort of ended with Alex struggling with these new ideas, coming home to Jenny and asking her his questions. She didn't know the answers and so they just sit there in silence. The lights dim on the play and shines on the backstage area with Andrew and Nate starting to play their guitars and singing. Toby comes in with his sand shakers, then Yu-ling on piano, and Mike on bass. Toby then moves to the drums. I really enjoyed their song. It was Steven Curtis Chapman's "More To This Life". But they decided to change the chorus but keep the words and so it was a mixture of John Meyer/Starfield/Jars of Clay and I don't what else. And the result was amazing - i really found it touching.
It was 9:30ish when we left Lifesong cuz Di, Anna and Kev wanted to get ready to go to REV. I had originally told them I would go (it was a sort of trade off for them coming to Lifesong) but I wanted to have food first cuz I was too nervous to eat anything all day. On the way back, we had a lot of discussion about the play, reason for doing good deeds, heaven, sin and sinners. I just thank God that we could have such lively discussions. I also wished that Alex hadn't said that if anyone had questions to ask those that were on stage. *laughs* I'm kidding! But they all decided to ask me questions and they weren't direct questions - but more comments and wanting to know what the Christian perspective was. I really wished Jeff was there...I'm sure he would have had better responses. But it was Anna that kind of reminded us of what Sam said as a conclusion. That we are NOT perfect, and that we DON'T have all the answers, nor can we pretend to have all the answers. If anything, we probably have more questions than anyone else. It's just that the night was meant to show everyone what we believed in and why we believed in it.
So anyways, I skipped out on REV to have dinner (Cass came to keep me company), which I feel REALLY guilty for...so hopefully I will have a chance to make it up and party with them. I was honestly not in the mood to go clubbing after the crazy week and Lifesong...just wanted some slow time by myself - which I got a lot of this weekend. Got news from mom after coming home and we decided that they would come up for a visit, which they did yesterday. I slept in on saturday, woke up only to watch all the Friends episodes I borrowed from Cass. Went to the Frosh leaders interview with Di and then met up with my parents.
I got to spend some time talking with my mom while my dad was taking a nap in my bed. I know that not everyone is as close with their parents and to have such loving, supportive ones is truly more than I deserve. She mentioned how a co-worker's husband had just passed away and their son is my age. I tried to put myself in his shoes and was honestly thankful for my blessings. The amount of suffering that family has gone through already and the fact they can continue to be strong and rely on God is an amazing witness to all those around them. I am so fortunate to have TWO, HEALTHY parents whom I can turn to for wisdom and friendship. *smiles* Friendship...that's how we've been viewing our relationship lately. Not so much as authoritative figures but more so as brother and sisters encouraging each other to grow in our walk. Weird huh?
Well Gary joined us for dinner and a funny thing happened. During dessert, Gary was about to hand my dad his bowl when the waitress said: "It's ok, I'll hand that to your dad". We all started laughing as soon as she left. After my parents left, Cass and I went to CIF to workout. It's sooo nice! I think we're going to go there from now on. I'm soo out of shape...had to keep on decreasing the amount of resistence on the eliptical *laughs* And it's only been a week! I'd like to think it was just cuz it was a different type of machine...
Today was a nice day. I went to late service at CFC today and like I said earlier, the topic was on "progressing with peace". The service ended with the worship band playing a song called "peacemaker". I've never heard the song before but it was pretty cool cuz they had 5 girls acting out all the words in sign language. After church at CFC, Deb and I got together for lunch at Fiasco's. We had a good time sharing with each other over a large, delicious and CHEAP ($2.99 incl. drinks) breakfast special. She then came over to watch a chinese movie that I also borrowed from Cass. We discussed the movie and some ideas it brought up before her leaving to make dinner. I'm going to head over to Cass's place cuz she's going to dye her hair. I really should be doing the work I planned to do tonight, but I'll do it a little later...late class tomorrow!
Wow...my not-so-much-to-talk-about is quite long and my life really isn't that exciting. Sorry to all those who actually made it to the end *grin* I'll try to be deeper in my thoughts the next time a blog. HA! Who am I kidding...when have you ever seen me think deep thoughts! =)
BTW, I found the hair brush that I thought I lost at Winter Retreat. It was lost under a pile of snow and since it's been pretty warm lately, the snow melted and I found it outside my house! So yea...I have my brush back now! =)
REFLECTION
So after blogging last night, I was in bed doing some thinking and praying. As I was going over how I was thankful for the computer going back to normal, I realized that there was something else that I really needed to be thankful for - and that's God's love; seen constantly through those around me. I forgot to mention on my blog yesterday, but after our practice yesterday Sam asked how my screen's been doing. I don't remember if I mentioned it but, my laptop is currently pink. I told him that nothing's changed and he offered to lend me him computer, after some resistence - he won. I now have a FLAT SCREEN, 15" monitor sitting on my desk. So in actuality, it's me that won.
God has placed some many blessings in my life, from my family to my friends, and ever time I look around I see all these things that I absolutely DO NOT deserve. And it's scares me sometimes. Why is God giving me so much? Why does He love me so much? What does he want me to do? It doesn't seem like anything that I do will be able to thank Him enough. No matter how much I try to return His love, I AM going fall and fail Him at some point. But I'm glad that he's provided me with so many blessings. Not because they're to my benefit (though I truly do appreciate everything!) but because God's reminding me of how much further I still need to walk; of how much I still need to grow in Him. Experiencing Sam's genuine brotherly love is something that I definitely need to learn. Can I selflessly see others needs and put them first? Can I truly serve others to the BEST of MY abilities and gifts? Can I share with others what God has so lovingly blessed me with? Every time I think my answer is yes, God shows me a situation where I may be challenged.
Another example of brotherly love occurred when I got home tonight - Alex gave me a call just to see how my applications were going. Although the phone call may not have meant much to him, it showed me that I do have the support, encouragement and most importantly, rebuke from those who care about me. Who can I call today to show them that same love?
And I'm curious to know: what would your answer be to these questions? Do you have any other self-examining questions that I can add to my list?
THE TONE-DEAF ME
I was doing non-studying stuff during my studying time when Sam gave me call to ask about our music assignment. And then he asked if I could sing cuz they needed someone for one of their musical sets on Lifesong. Since I wasn't doing anything too productive, I agreed to go over to his place (besides, I'm normally the one that's begging others to sing with me...granted, they're usually at inappropriate times and places but still...!) The song's called "Place in this world" by Michael W. Smith. If you've never heard it - find it! It's a good song =) So, i walked over to Sam's place and we sang it once over; I personally never heard the song before either. Anyways, Jenny suggested that I sing an octave higher during the chorus. Now, I may have done the whole mass soloist thing back in the day...but that just meant that I knew how to work with the very limited range that I had. I DO NOT have a beautiful voice, I DO NOT have a melodious voice, and I DEFINITELY DO NOT have a soprano voice. *laughs* So you can imagine how horrible it sounded when someone with a low voice attempts to sing high - yes, there was a lot of screeching involved! We decided that I would still sing higher than the boys, but in harmony so that it's still within my vocal range.
We practiced a tad more and then I got Sam to record it for me so that I would have the melody to practice with at home. I thought it sounded ok...not good or amazing but decent, ya know? Boy was I wrong! I heard the playback and I couldn't help but shiver each time I heard myself go off key...and let me tell you, I shivered a lot! Gosh, was that the way I always sounded when I sang? Man, how on earth did I get to be in choir, much less get chosen to sing for mass?!! I will be needing a lot of practice ... and even more prayers, especially since it's in 4 days!
But yes, please do come to Lifesong. If you've haven't heard of me talking aobut it last term, it's an event that our Waterloo fellowship puts on each term. It's basically a night of drama and music, with a speaker and maybe some testimonies. I have no idea what's in store this term since I wasn't involved with anything until now but I'm sure it's awesome - it normally is! Lifesong is happening this Friday; February 27th at 7pm in the Modern Languages building. Come on by if you're free and I promise that I really am singing this time (unlike my 'singing' last term) but i'm warning you ahead of time, it's not that much better! =P
P.S. An update on my virus situation: My anti-virus suddenly started working again just now so it found the 2 bugs that were hiding in my computer. Unfortunately, it can't repair it, so all i have done so far is just quarantined it. But yea, I'm bug-free again so I have even more to be thankful for now! =)
COMPUTER NONSENSE
I really don't like computers...actually, let me rephrase that. I really don't like not having a clue about computers. But the worse part is, I have no inclination - no desire whatsoever - to improve myself in this area. I find them boring and tedious, and unfortunately, an extreme necessity in this university student's life. I was working on my assignment today, it was one of those good days - you know, where you sit down and you know you can get work done because you can feel the focus. 5 minutes into writing, the darn thing reboots itself. Oh...it was kind enough to warn me ahead of time - just so I could save my work. I guess, for that I should definitely be grateful. But the fact of the that it reboots, and 2 minutes later, decides to reboot again just screws with my mind...! This cycle continued a couple more time, with me trying to cram as much searching-for-other-people-with-the-same-problems-on-the-internet in between the reboots.
I finally figured out that I probably got a virus/worm/trojan or an "attempted attack" which was why my computer was going haywire. That took about an hour and a half. Then I spent another hour downloading the tools in hopes to fix my baby. Turns out the downloads were useless cuz it wasn't the right virus. Then I spent another hour and a half scanning my files using the online anti-virus program. It said I was virus-free. That's Great! But then why does my own anti-virus program still NOT work???
Ended up using a program that my dad got from work, it took another half hour to transfer that program from our home computer to my laptop. Scanned and WHOOHOO! Lo and behold, I got myself a worm! =) But my anti-virus program STILL isn't working - which leads me to believe that I have more than one of those little buggers infesting my computer. Although I was just informed about some sort of spyware/adware...huh??
Anyways, I would just like to say that my poor laptop has been through some rough times lately. It started out with having some loose connections (my screen is still varying shades of pink!), a lost (but found!) power outlet, and now it's sick. Although everything else seems to be okay at the moment and a great friend just gave me some more suggestions so hopefully things will get better for my baby.
On a side note, I'm still very much behind in everthing and next week, I will either be venting like crazy on blogger or suddenly vanished into thin air. I think it will be a good indication of how long this posting thing is going to last - exciting isn't it? I can feel the anticipation building already! *laughs*
THE 'ECONOMICAL' ME
So I finally decided to come out of my hole and see daylight for the first time since Sunday - honestly, no joke. Wow, what a difference! It's a beeeyeutiful day today, with a nice breeze and warm sun. I was walking around campus doing errands and with so very little people around because of reading week, I decided that staying in Waterloo for the summer would actually be a very nice thing. Everything's a lot slower and I was actually able to appreciate whatever was around me. Yup, today is a good day =) Funny how weather can make such a big difference isn't it?
Well on my way back home, I walked by the east campus (for those of you who never of heard it, I understand how you feel...) It was the coolest thing cuz I finally saw the surplus sale that Jeff's been talking about. I was walking by all these moving trucks and cars, so I got curious and went in to take a look. It's basically this grungy basement filled with every type of odds and ends. There were tons of computers, fridges and stoves of all shapes and sizes at extremely affordable prices for the poor students that we are, along with every lost and found item you can think of. The BEST deal were the microwaves for a dollar - 1 DOLLAR!!! Heck, I wouldn't mind paying a dollar jsut to see if it works...but unfortunately, they were all sold. Then I saw it...you know those black leather cushion chairs that everyone tries to claim at DC during exam time? They were selling those too! I had half a mind to buy one just to invoke the feeling of being at the library in the comfort of my own home! *sigh* You know you're pathetic and have been living at the library for too long when...
Anyways, I never did find the cheap food that Jeff had mentioned - now THAT would have really made my day! So if you guys are in town and in need of ANYTHING cheap, I highly recommend stopping by this place. It's opened every other Thursday between 12:30 and 2pm...and even if you don't need anything, what's there would sure be a great topic of conversation =)
...A DOLLAR for a MICROWAVE - cheap i tell you!
REMEMBER
I have a horrible memory, those of you who really know me can attest to this. The problem isn't just having bad memory, but my ability to only remember certain things. This can create such a huge mess as it has right now. I got challenged at Winter Retreat to have 1 conversation that would make peace with the other person. At that time, I had 2 conversations in mind - one of which I've already had since then. But my number just went back up to 2 - at this rate, I'm going to hit 10 by the end of the month!
I used to pride myself that in bad situations, I come out only remembering the good and also things that I have learned. I guess God's breaking down my pride because it has reared it's ugly head again. Even though I had been struggling with these ill feelings for a while, I thought things were getting a lot better since I started to see this person for who they were intended to be. I have to say that things screwed up yesterday only because I tried to take matters into my own hands again instead of turning to someone greater than myself for help.
I have to remember that I can only be angry and disappointed at myself for making the choices that I've made, and not turn my anger and resentment towards those who have presented me these choices. They never forced me to choose the path that I have to walk. Most importantly, I need to remember that God has forgiven me for the choices that I've made; that I am right before His eyes - and that in itself, should be all that matters, not how I feel.
"By this we shall know that we are the truth, and reassure our hearts before Him whenever our hearts condemn us; for God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything"
~1 John 3:20
TOUCH
Well, Winter Retreat just finished yesterday and while I'd love to share what I've discovered about myself and what I've learned from the weekend, it would just take too long to post. So just ask me and I'll tell you instead (or maybe send it to you if I end up writing it later on).
Something that I was reminded again at the retreat was how much I love physical contact - the feeling of being touched, but NOT in the dirty and perverted way! We played capture the flag in the snow, which was basically an excuse to tackle one another and it was soo much fun! See, one example of how physical contact is good.
But something that really moved me was when we had bedside fellowship on saturday. Things had been pretty rough on me the past week and the method of prayer was exactly what I needed. Standing in a middle of a small circle with everyone's hands on you and on each other while they all pray for you is the most amazing experience. If you've never tried it, I highly recommend it. Although my anxieties didn't exactly go away and it was slightly intimidating at the beginning, the feeling of others being there for you and physically support you makes it all worth while.
I also got two great hugs over the weekend (excluding my parents). You know those hugs that are really tight and long - that just totally envelops you? They're the ones that are extremely needed and given at just the right time. I've mentioned it before and I'll probably mention it again and again but I need a daily dose of hugs! If I don't get my hugs, I start going crazy and I think that goes for everyone. Ok, granted - maybe not to my extreme but still...hugs are a necessary part of our daily life!
Why do we feel scared and uncomfortable giving and receiving hugs? I have to admit that this includes myself as well. I remember when we were back in high school, we gave each other hugs every time we saw each other, especially at the beginning of school and at the end of school. Who cared if we just had our last class together - we still gave each other hugs! I believe that this is what our society's lacking, the ability to physically show to others that you care about them and are there to support them. Think about it, it's only natural to hug on special occasions, thatwhen it's deemed necessary and/or appropriate to hug. WHY? WHY, WHY WHY WHY WHY?? It should become a natural part of one's life, including mine.
So here's a challenge to myself and to you - to hug each person that you see on a daily basis. I can see that this may be difficult if you are a guy hugging another guy - so try good pat on the back or whatever guys do to give physical support one another. And I'd like to state that hugging significant others don't count unless you've never hugged before! If you've never hugged anyone before and this idea is extremely foreign to you, then start small - try hugging at least one person each day, like your parents.
I can see that this is going to be a toughie for me, considering how out of practice I am with hugging random people and how shy I still feel sometimes - so people, keep me accountable on this!! Ask me if I've hug someone yet or better yet, approach me for a hug!
SO IT BEGINS...
As per the request of Simon, I have finally been added to the long list of bloggers. I guess this will be my "online journal" so to speak but I can see how this will become difficult to be completely open about things if people I write about actually come onto this site. Oh well, it'll just keep me diligent to only say nice things! *grin*
Knowing me, I will be using this as a form of procrastination - like this moment: it's 2:30 am and I should be studying for my 8:30 midterm considering I still have 16 more chapters of reading to go. *sigh*
This is my life -- Welcome to Dimples' World =)
P.S. Since I've just started this blog, I have no idea how to work the computer stuff so please msg me your comments instead - I'd love to hear what you think on anything I say.