CURRENT THOUGHTS
I realize that it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. Many different thoughts swarm my mind, all of which I’m trying to grasp and process:
1. There’s been so much talk of community recently. I feel drawn to its power and yet the same time, disgusted by its frequent use. I believe that a community is more than just a group of people living in the same geographical area or being of similar socialeconomical/ethnic background, merely sharing similar interests. As Alan from Sanctuary describes “it’s a network of relationships” and I think that’s the keyword that is often lacking in our so-called communities – RELATIONSHIPS.
2. What does it mean to have a relationship with someone? It’s having a connection with someone not based on hobbies or personal gain but a connection that’s founded in love; the deep type of love where you have their sole interest at heart. I think we’ve all had liaisons which are formed due to convenience…classmates or coworkers that we hang out with and share daily happenings. However, these encounters rarely go beyond the surface to become relationships. How many in your past group of classmates or coworkers would you actually turn to in your time of need? How many do you actually keep in touch with on a regular basis, instead of the occasional e-mail and get-together?
3. The weird part is that we are such relational creatures. We yearn for a deeper interaction and yet, are unwilling to put in the time and effort to create these connections. Again and again, we’d rather settle for meritocracy. Perhaps it’s because we’re so use to being in an environment where success is based on efficiency. “Time is money” is our mantra. What is the most you can do in the least amount of time? How can we get ‘the most bang for our buck’ so to speak? As Alan reiterated, relationships are inefficient. You could spend 6 hours with someone and not learn anything new. The more I think about it, the more I realize our value system is so terribly skewed. It’s hard to explain all this to people sometimes.
4. I’ve been told on 2 different occasions this weekend that I’ve changed. Auntie Belinda said that I think too much, that it’ll be difficult for me to go through life because I’m always so serious. That I’ve gotten quiet. That it’s not a crime to be happy and joke around. That I should be concerned about taking care of myself - my face, my hair, my body, my clothes. Vivek said that I’m all grown-up. Gary and I barely talk.
Is it a bad thing to change? I realize that I don’t laugh nearly as much as I used to but things that I once found funny no longer amuse me. Things done in a drunken stupor are not tales of glory anymore. I’ve also began to realize that talking about others merely reflect my own insecurities. And rather then make a joke of them, I’d rather examine myself.
While people seem to think that I’m getting older, I feel as though I’m a real kid for the first time. I’m realizing just how small I really am and just how much I really don’t know. It’s exciting, as though I’m finally looking at the world with my own eyes instead of being oblivious to all that’s around me. And frankly, it’s more exciting that finding out a new fad to remove an unsightly pimple. If questioning what we value as important and being in awe the immensity of the universe makes me serious than so be it.
5. Uncle Ray and my mother have both been harboring on my love life, or lack thereof. My mother has been more indirect – only stating her concern with my recent choices of books with the word ‘singleness’ in the title. *laughs* Uncle Ray on the other hand, asked straight up where all the guys were and why they were not breaking down my door. How to explain to an uncle who believes that you should always have a string of men ready at hand? I tried to explain the mentality of males who are in my stage of life versus my 16 year-old cousin’s but I have an inkling he’s disappointed that I’m not trying hard enough to snag a couple good catches.
6. On the topic of family, let’s see what else…Oh! The need to compare to a sibling. The hurt that results from a lack of attention. The unshared responsibilities of taking care of aging parents. All of these cause years of bitterness and pain that only serve to drive family members further apart from each other. I have more feelings than words right now on this particular issue. Maybe once I sort things out a little more I will blog again on this.
That’s all for now. I actually have a ton more to share but it’s getting late and I have a fly out to Vancouver tomorrow.
BLOGS
Ever wonder who reads your blogs? Well, I read them. Rarely do I go a day without checking at least one site. Most of the time, I start reading and the next thing I know, an hour has gone by. Is this bad? I have a friend who believes it's a waste of time...that more productive things could be done instead of sitting in front of a computer screen. To a certain level, I have to agree. I could be doing my part to change the world! But if you compare the amount of time I spend reading blogs to some people watching t.v. shows and other people playing video games; I'd like to think of mine as being slightly more beneficial.
I enjoy reading what others have to say, what's been going on in their lives and what thoughts go through their heads. Mainly because I find that a lot of times there are things that go on that aren't spoken when we meet. Perhaps most people find it easier to write things down then it is to speak up, particularly since there's no immediate reaction from the audience that you're forced to witness and endure.
Then there are pages that belong to friends of friends. I'm not some creep/stalker (at least I hope I'm not coming off that way...) These are merely people whose names I've heard mentioned by my friends on occasion or whom I may have met only once or twice in passing. It's actually these sites that I find the most interesting. Not so much as to what's going on in their lives since I don't know them very well. What I find interesting is how they are able to see things from a completely different perspective. A lot of times I find that the image I have of these people from what my friends tell me or from what I gathered from briefly meeting them are slightly/very different from the person they portray in their writings. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't a person the most honest in their writings?
Anyway, the reason I brought this up was because I came across the blogs of two different women, who just by blogging about their random days to their friends , have inadvertently made an impact on my life. In their daily struggles I admire their strength, their insight and just how their faithfulness shines through.
How awesome would it be if someone could be challenged or encouraged every time they read my blog?
MORE ON-LINE QUIZZES!
I spent last nite with some friends doing on-line quizzes...there was one that I was intrigued with so I decided to take a slightly more detailed one. It's the Meyer-Briggs personality test. Here are the results:
Your Type is ESFJ
Extroverted/Sensing/ Feeling/ Judging
You are:
-slightly expressed extrovert
-moderately expressed sensing personality
-distinctively expressed feeling personality
-moderately expressed judging personality
Guardians of birthdays, holidays and celebrations, ESFJs are generous entertainers. They enjoy and joyfully observe traditions and are liberal in giving, especially where custom prescribes.
*Hmm...I always thought of myself as cheap*
All else being equal, ESFJs enjoy being in charge. They see problems clearly and delegate easily, work hard and play with zest. ESFJs, as do most SJs, bear strong allegiance to rights of seniority. They willingly provide service (which embodies life's meaning) and expect the same from others. *I'm controlling? Never!*
ESFJs are easily wounded. And when wounded, their emotions will not be contained. They by nature "wear their hearts on their sleeves," often exuding warmth and bonhomie, but not infrequently boiling over with the vexation of their souls. Some ESFJs channel these vibrant emotions into moving dramatic performances on stage and screen.
*I'm emotional? Who would've thought!*
Strong, contradictory forces consume the ESFJ. Their sense of right and wrong wrestles with an overwhelming rescuing, 'mothering' drive. This sometimes results in swift, immediate action taken upon a transgressor, followed by stern reprimand; ultimately, however, the prodigal is wrested from the gallows of their folly, just as the noose tightens and all hope is lost, by the very executioner!
*I'm ruthless yet forgiving?? ...better watch your back!*
An ESFJ at odds with self is a remarkable sight. When a decision must be made, especially one involving the risk of conflict (abhorrent to ESFJs), there ensues an in-house wrestling match between the aforementioned black-and-white Values and the Nemesis of Discord. The contender pits self against self, once firmly deciding with the Right, then switching to Prudence to forestall hostilities, countered by unswerving Values, ad exhaustium, winner take all.
*What? No clue what this was talking about...*
As caretakers, ESFJs sense danger all around--germs within, the elements without, unscrupulous malefactors, insidious character flaws. The world is a dangerous place, not to be trusted. Not that the ESFJ is paranoid; 'hyper-vigilant' would be more precise. And thus they serve excellently as protectors, outstanding in fields such as medical care and elementary education.
*At least they got my top 2 career choices right!*
Famous ESFJs:
Bill Clinton
Mary Tyler Moore
Dixie Carter (Designing Women)
Sally Field
Danny Glover, actor (Lethal Weapon movies, Predator 2)
Nancy Kerrigan (U.S. olympic figureskater)
Elvis Stojko (Canadian olympic figureskater)
Fictional ESFJs:
Monica (Friends)
Donald Duck
Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh
Babbitt (Sinclair Lewis)
Leonard "Bones" McCoy (Star Trek)
Haleh (ER)
I don't know know how much I'd agree with it. You guys all know me to a certain degree...Let me know what you think!