THE SIMPLE LIFE

GIFT-GIVING

Is it wrong to have this strong desire to post a wish list? Does it give the impression that I'm greedy or materialistic? I was thinking about our annual gift-exchange and it seems like every year, we have such great difficulty figuring out what to get each person. Wouldn't it just be easier to have a list to chose from - a list large enough that there would still be some element of surprise? (as per Herb's suggestion) This is the method my family and I have been using the past couple of years.

Most people want something practical and as a gift-giver, I personally wouldn't want to spend money on something that they didn't like or would just sit around collecting dust. Isn't this the best way to solve the problem? How did gift-giving come about anyways? What is the perpose or symbolic meaning behind all of it? Am I just being too practical and not appreciating the whole thought behind it?

I know that there are some things that I could use or would like to get for myself but most of the time, I'm just too cheap to be willing to spend money on it. I'd rather spend money on other people because I find that I don't cherish things as much if I buy them for myself. Does anyone feel the same way? I can't even begin to tell you how much I've spent on sunglasses that I've lost but I can tell you each crease in the books that have been given to me (there aren't many). Or maybe it's just that I take care of my books a lot better than anything else. Weird huh?

I'm coming home in 3 days!!

RANDOM BLOG CONTINUATION

Yeah, I've been blogging a lot more these past couple of days...guess that means I'm just super efficient *grin*

Anyways, I got a Christmas gift from the Dean of Students today -totally cool! It's only because I work in the office and he gives everyone something but still, it's the thought that counts. He gave it to me personally so I got a chance to talk to him. He was the one that interviewed me when I first applied and I really learn a lot whenever I hear him speak. One of the reasons why I choose this particular school was because of him and how he represented the school. I have complete respect for the guy.

So I asked him his opinion on the whole spending time wisely...and he gave me some his own thoughts. Got a lot to chew on and definitely some more personal evaluation/reflection to be done.

Here's what my present (a traveller's mug) says:

"A true leader has the confidence to stand alone,
the courage to make tough decisions,
and the compassion to listen to the needs of others.
He does not set out to be a leader,
but becomes one by the integrity of his actions.
In the end, leaders are much like eagles...
they don't flock, you find them one at a time." (and then it has a picture of an eagle)


Just something to think about.




P.S. Trust the Americans to use an eagle to represent leadership! haha...=P

RANDOM BLOG

Thanks to Steph and her recommendation, I am now addicted to Babyface and his song "What If". When I'm away from my desk, the song still plays in my head while I'm walking around and even in class. I think it's partly because of the music video too (I'm addicted to that too!). I really want to listen to all of Babyface's songs now...I used to have a bunch on my old computer but I've lost most of them. The same thing with my Westlife & BBMak collections. *tear*

I found out that I could find my blog by using search engines. That kind of freaks me out cuz I never considered that random strangers could read what I write; other than my friends. But then again, just b/c ppl CAN read it doesn't mean that they'd want to! Unless I have my own personal stalker - tee, hee!

Having trouble focusing this term...and it's reflecting in my performance. Still feel like I'm being pulled in 2 directions (ie. marks versus involvement). I was always involved in undergrad and loved it. But then of course, my marks weren't stellar. For the first time ever, I'm finding that the amount of time I put into my studies will be reflected in my marks. Trying to figure out where my time should be spent and I've been examining my motivations behind both choices as well. I'd like to say that they're less selfish than when I first spoke about it to Helen back in September.

WE WON!!
(Although winning isn't the point....)

Just found out that we won our res's door decorating contest =) Each one of us in the suite got a $25 gift certificate to the Cheesecake Factory - how great is that! We could buy 4 WHOLE cakes...well, maybe not. To be honest, I really didn't think we were going to win cuz so many ppl went all out for it. It's amazing to walk down the halls right now...you can definitely feel the Christmas spirit in the air. I posted pictures of some of the doors - there were a LOT more, but I was getting tired of posting them.

If you want to check out our door, let me know and I can send you our short video! *grin*

P.S. Does anyone know how to post pictures up on blogger? I'm using Hello and I don't really like how it's starting a new post each time I load a picture.

enthusiast

"best optometry" winner

enthusiast

enthusiast

"most tacky" winner

enthusiast

2nd place winner

enthusiast

3rd place winner (con't)

3rd place winner

ANOTHER UPDATE

I had spent a long time typing out this massive update during the week but my computer was dealing with this virus and suddenly decided to close my window just as I was finishing up. I got so mad that I ended up studying for my anatomy test instead of continuing my procrastination.

Here was the just of it:

1. I am increasing my girly tendencies. When I went to Florida over the thanksgiving holiday, I actually ended up spending 4 out of my 5 days SHOPPING. That’s right, for those of you who know me, I’m normally like a guy when it comes to this topic – I despise shopping. I figure out what I need, I go in, grab it and leave. However, my argument is that outlet shopping doesn’t count as mall shopping because the deals are so good, even guys would go crazy. The day after thanksgiving in US is like boxing day sale in Canada. I keep on hearing stories about ppl getting DVD players for $14-$20…crazy!

2. Went to visit Waterloo when I went back to T.O. Great seeing everyone again. Pre-opt crew still the same as ever…I miss the laugh-until-your-gut-hurts and inside jokes. I was warned that CCF was different this year…totally amazed at how all the froshies are clicking and the just AMOUNT of them. Wow – that all I’ve got to say. Felt at home until Jeff introduced me as “alumni”. That’s when it clicked…I was one of “those” ppl now. You know, the old geezers that would go back to visit; the ppl that I used to look up to because they seem so much wiser – HA!

3. Got to catch up with a lot of ppl and even got to spend some one-on-one time with a few; namely Cass, Alex, Deb and Sam. There’s something about one-on-one conversations that I love – I believe it’s the intimacy, the ability solely focus on that individual. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy getting together in groups and hanging out, but you could be hanging out with the same people yet not really know who they are. Wished that I could’ve talked to Jeff too…felt bad that we didn’t get a chance. Jeff if you’re reading this – we need to get together over the holidays!

4. There isn’t one person that I wouldn’t trust in ‘loo – I know that I could share with anyone and that they wouldn’t judge but simply encourage in any way that they could. I know because so many different people have shown this in various situations. And because I was able to open up to others, I also learned a lot in return. Many thanks to those who took the time to listen during my visit. I think I’m starting to face the right direction. "Love is a choice"; "No use crying over spilled milk" =) I also need to learn how to let go and be more vulnerable while I’m down here. I feel as though I’m not even moving close to my fullest potential in terms of my purpose here.

5. Went on my small group retreat last weekend. Something else I learned about myself, I need to be around nature (Does that make me a naturalist? I forgot the term). I enjoy the sounds as music, how individually created everything is and just how well they work with each other -->wonder and awe, that’s how I feel. But yes, I think another reason I had felt stagnant is because I go between 2 buildings every day and it’s literally across the street. I never realized how much I cherished my quiet time while walking to class back in waterloo.

6. I think I’m falling for this city. I was suppose to catch the late-nite showing of Ocean’s Twelve yesterday but it was sold out, so just got droved around the city for 3 hrs. It’s beautiful, especially at night. They have white Christmas lights out ALL over the city and with their usual 1920’s street lamps, the combination is great. We also drove by this section of the lake that had crashing waves…looks amazing at night! I have this huge urge to drive around downtown Toronto more now.


I have a lot more little thoughts that I want to write about but I have to go decorate my door now – it’s this HUGE competition. I’ll put pictures up if I ever learn how.

THE NAUGHTY ME

I have finally skipped class. Not only 1 class, but most of my day today...and it's the first day of classes! So much for my fresh new start...I woke up this morning and went to my first class (biochem). Sat through 2 hours and was falling asleep the entire time. So came back home and crashed on my bed at 11am. I was completely out, even skipped lunched, and only woke up at 3pm cuz my suitemate came in to remind me that we had an optometry class that took attendence. It was crazy! I think the lack of sleep from the past "break" week finally caught up to me.

The party was great, although my guests got more of a surprise than my parents cuz they weren't expecting my parents to arrive so soon (there was a slight glitch in cell phone reception). All in all, the party went very well. The thing that amazed me the most how everyone helped out to make the entire thing come together. Someone bought all the decoration material, another person bought the groceries, someone else was in charge of catering and cake, another got tableclothes and utensils. Other people were constantly in the kitchen throughout the whole party washing dishes. It's really moving to see how many people love my parents and it's definitely a case of "action speaks louder than words". I am so thankful that we're surrounded by such a great group, it really IS almost a community - especially since they all sort of know each other somehow through my parents.

AH FAMILY...

I know it's been a while since I've last blogged but things have been pretty busy the past 2 weeks. So I'm back in Toronto now since my first quarter just ended and we had a dinner get-together to celebrate my parents' 25th wedding anniversary today.
As I'm pulling out of the parking lot, my 10 yr old cousin Felix squeaks randomly from the back "Hey Vanessa, you getting married?"
In my mind I'm thinking, "Where on earth is this coming from? Do I look THAT old to be asked this question already?!!" So obviously, my answer was along the lines of "No". But seriously, the topic of marriage has been coming up more and more often recently and even within the different groups of friends that I keep in touch with, talk of rings and such are not uncommon.

I was driving by St. Tim's and it has completely changed. It's no longer the same elementary school that I remember.

Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing & dance, forever and a day
We'd live the life we chose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.

I'm sure this will be a recurring song in my head as we get older...it's all good though - part of the process. Just trying to savour every single moment before it gets lost in all the memories.

For those of you who don't know, I'm planning a surprise party for my parents (with muchos help since I was in the midst of exams and far away in Chicago). Anyway, I think my mom was disappointed that there was not surprise party for her. We have some friends that always get the anniversary party for the milestone years and I have a feeling she was expecting something. I know it's not on the actual day (which my mom is absolutely against) but oh well, ppl are more likely to make it if it's on the weekend.

I also had a presentation planned and have spent the better part of this break week working on it (not all by myself though - you've seen my computer skills!) You know how you go to weddings and most ppl have some sort of powerpoint talking about the couple? Yeah, totally new respect for them! I had absolutely NO IDEA what the job involved. Many thanks to Yu-ling for spending hours upon hours working on it with me. It's literally been 9-5 for the past few days. You're awesome! And I do apologize once again for taking so much of your time.

Oh, more exciting news! Yu was my first victim for #17 on my list. Not only did he slave away but he also had suffered from extreme starvation as I tried to cook...to food poisoning as he ate what I cooked. It was decided that after 2 days of absolute torture, Harvey's was the best solution. *laughs* So who's up next to test out my culinary expertise? Cm'on, there must be a brave soul amongst you even after hearing this - what ever happened to encouragement? So through all the stress of planning, I have to admit that this week has been fun - I can almost say that I know powerpoint! =)

I'll keep you updated on how the party went - I really need to sleep now, I have been really lacking in this area since I came back!

À Bientôt...

THE SLACKING ME

So...totally don't feel like studying. I know I should. Decided to sign up for a new e-mail account instead:

dimples_v@abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijk.com

*laughs* isn't it awesome? it's real too! I think I'll use it just to see everyone try to write this e-mail address down.

Yeah. REALLY don't feel like studying.

CONTINUATION...

...from yesterday's update. Yeah, didn't end up going to bed until 5:30 in the morning. After I finished blogging, decided that there was no better time to learn a little HTML. I know page isn't the best in terms of organization and colour...but hey, it's slowly getting there!

I can see why there are so many computer geeks out there (and I completely say it with love *grin*) - it gets kind of addictive! =)

I was going for the autumn theme...can you tell?

MASSIVE UPDATE

Warning: Lengthy - suggest to read only when have nothing else better to do! (but then again, why else would you be reading blogs anyway?)


Ok, I realize that it's been a while that I've seriously blogged. To be honest, there wasn't much to blog about - I could tell you about what I did but it's the routine of eating; classes, studying and sleeping. And normally, I would have blogged more of a personal reflection but my priorities were all screwed up so there wasn't much of that (as you may have noticed). Luckily, I lost my notebook, which was what got me back on track. Let me explain:

I have this tiny, little notebook that I write verses, quotes, reflections, sermon notes, Sunday school topics, etc. in. I started my first book when Helen & Karen gave each person one at women's cell last Fall. I finished it while back at home for the summer and bought a new one. At that time however, I was going through a transition between fellowships & churches so my new notebook didn't have much focus. It contained more random quotes (not that they weren't good) but a lot less biblical verses (a direct correlation of where I was at the time). I think things got got more and more random as I moved to Chicago.
So last Sunday, I lost this notebook after lunch and I know I last saw it in the sanctuary. I retraced my steps but couldn't find it - so ended up buying a new one. Since I had to start over, I began my first page with 2 verses from Philippians 3: 8 & 10. These two verses are what I'm basing my re-focus on. I knew it needed to happen, because school was taking priority over everything else, yet at the same time I was having such a hard time giving it up. Why? Because this is the first time ever in my academic career, that I have seriously worked my hardest, especially for the reason of just wanting to & for the pure enjoyment of it. More importantly, I was putting effort in and actually seeing the results immediately. It just snowballed and I pushed myself harder.

Things were not going as it should have. I was a believer of Jesus yet I had no accountability. Although Helen has been extremely encouraging long-d, there's only so much you can do without being physically present. There are so many times were I wished Jeff was here to keep an eye on me like he did back in 'loo. It's so much easier to have someone in your group of friends who would rebuke you out of love and I really missed that. My roommate and I get along great; but she's brutally observant and it keeps me on my toes because she would often question where I drew my grey lines as a believer. It was the first time I fully realized that people are ALWAYS watching - what a harsh reality check. I am thankful and ashamed at the same time. I felt like I was being tested and just failing miserably while "on my own". I realized that this was my problem - I felt like I was on my own when I really wasn't. And the reason I felt like this was because my priorities weren't in the right order. It actually not bad, what's bad would be having nobody ever watching, or having lots of people watching but nobody making comments. I am thankful that God gives me accountability when I need it, although (as per usual) not in the way I had expected. I know I still have tons to learn, especially when I see my friends here possessing so many Christ-like qualities that I am weak in. I have 4 years though and I know that God can use this time to shape me if only I am willing.


Now onto my activities update. As you read from my last blog, I had two friends who came down to visit for the Thanksgiving weekend. It was awesome because it's the first time I actually got to go around and act sort of like a tourist in Chicago. Steph took some pics and detailed how she surprised me as well as my reaction (it's a tear jerker *grin* ) so you can find all that on her blog if you'd like. Anyway, while they were here, we got to eat at the Cheesecake factory; went to an awesome place known for its live jazz/blues performances; saw the silver "bean" and walked around the parks surrounding it. It was a blast and I was sad to see them leave so soon cuz there's still so much more we wanted to do (can you say "boat ride" down the Chicago river?)

I've also been going to my on-campus fellowship now that they've switched the meeting day. Just this past week, they invited a speaker who's a missionary & optometrist in Congo. She graduated from Indiana and after working 4 years, went to Congo. She's been there 19 years now and has started 4 clinics (1 of which was destroyed by a volcano eruption). Now, God is leading her to build an optometry school in Congo so that they can provide eyecare to the country more effectively. She shared about the "Power of God" and it was very encouraging to see how things always work out admist the rebellions and diseases.

This is the first time since classes started that I had a real break in my studies. I just wrote a test on Wednesday and won't have another test for 6 days! (mind you - I'm including the weekend though). It's been a real treat and I've been savouring every moment. It was a first yesterday when I didn't rush out after small group finished to study but instead stayed to watch the baseball game, and it was a first today that I 'hung out' away from these school walls and not with classmates either. My SG leader took me out for lunch at a yummy-but-greasy burger joint and then it was someone's birthday so a few of us when to a japanese restaurant for dinner after my classes. (I haven't had sushi in sooo long...mmm, it was de-lishh!) Then went for bubble tea (another deprived asian area of my life) and then IHOP (aka International House Of Pancakes) for dessert. I seriously cannot hang out with these people too much or else I'm going to be a whale - it's unhealthy the way they eat here! But it's been great these past 2 days =) I hope I won't have too much trouble getting back into the groove of studying after having this taste of freedom - I have finals coming up in a week!

I was debating whether or not I should still continue with my blogging...I had more comments about random things that have been going through my mind but they're unimportant in the grand scheme of life and seeing how it's 4 in the morning, I figured I should probably go to bed. Fortunately, I don't have class until noon tomorrow, maybe I can sleep in until then. Haven't done THAT in a very long time. Caffeine in the form of bubble tea late at night is a very bad idea - my lifestyle has totally changed now that I'm here. First off, I'm asian! I should be immune to the effects of bubble tea; heck, I didn't even know that there were effects. Secondly, I'm normally asleep by midnite so being up this late is probably going to throw off my cicadian rhythms. Hee, hee, and the geek terms start spewing out. Uh oh, I starting to get giddy...haven't felt this silly in a LONG while. I miss this too. Thoughts getting choppy and hopping from place to place: bounce, bounce, bouncy, bouce! Hee, hee!

At least now you understand why I wrote such a long blog; my mind is racing a-mile-a-minute...wheeee!

Gotta catch 'em all!

THE WONDER OF FRIENDS

Many thanks to everyone who expressed their love via website posting; e-mails; cards; phone calls; indirect courier service and even a surprise visit! [Steph: You've only made me cry twice since I've known you - once was when I found out you were switching schools and the second time was this weekend. You suck...but that's why I love ya!]

My study group/roomies here have been awesome as well. Although we havne't known each other that long, they elaborately decorated our door, went out and got cupcakes & candles, as well as some gifts: cocoa puffs (which is no longer served in the caf) & juice (which I'm running low on).

I am totally astounded by how many people care about me & my well-being. I am truly blessed beyond belief. I honestly have to wonder why God extends so much grace to someone like me. I know one of my weaknesses is my ability to stay in touch with others and to care about others when it truly counts. I seem to have a disability when showing compassion is necessary - it's like a huge wall that just plants itself in front of my feelings. I can see this being a huge issue come clinic time.

Anyways, there are a bunch of little things I want to blog about since they've been sitting in my head and need to be sort out in writing but it'll have to wait cuz I've got a big test on Friday. Hopefully this weekend!

P.S. thanks again - I really appreciate the time you took to care about me...you know who you are! *huggs*

THE NOSTALGIC ME

So Fall has finally arrived to Chicago. Today was the first day that I seriously felt a chill walking outside and there was that "crispness" that only found in the early mornings around Fall and Winter. Having this change of season immediately brought to mind being in Waterloo. It's like one of those senses triggering memory type of deals. It isn't often that I have the time to miss being back home but today was one of those days. Mind you, I'm not homesick. I did feel it the one time when I called everyone back in 'loo after their first day of classes and heard all of them getting ready for our 'tradition' of going to FED 101 - I was homesick & missed my friends a lot at the moment.

Anyways, this weather reminds of last year. Funny how of all my undergrad years, my last year is most memorable. (It could be because it's also the freshest in my mind...but I'd like to think that it's because it meant the most to me). This weather reminds my of Fall retreat, something that I will never forget and something that will forever change my life. It brings a smile to my face as it also reminds me of early morning encounters before classes. Basically, all the great times that I had during my last fall term - hanging out with my pre-opt crew; shopping with the girls in Montreal; the massive production of Lifesong; and most of all, meeting some new and incredible people.

It's weird how I would miss Waterloo of all places - you'd think that Toronto would be more likely but Waterloo was were I lived independently for the first time, it was were I grew and learned from my many mistakes. Just trying to imagine how I was back in first year getting ready to go Waterloo and it's crazy to see how much change has taken place. I feel as if I had gone through extreme changes, a 360 turn that isn't a complete circle because I will never be who I was when I first started university.

I remember being so shocked to see people doing drugs and having sex in residence. *laughs* Apparently I thought I knew everything since I just graduated high school. Let me tell you, knowing things happened in the world is one thing but when it actually affects you and the people you know - it's a whole other story. Yup, first year was definitely an eye-opener, not just in terms of what it's like outside my "bubble" but also of who I was and how I never had a real stand on different issues.

Second year was a blur, no real lesson sticks out other than the time that I missed my final exam for econ. Betcha didn't know that about me! I don't think I ever mentioned it to anyone since it was such a silly mistake. Basically, I read the date of the exam wrong and missed it because I thought it was the following day. I didn't know until I was getting ready to go out the door and wanted to check the room number. Luckily, my prof allowed me to write the make-up. Still didn't do well even with the extra day of studying...how I despised econ! There, that's my embarrassing story of the day.

I remember writing a list of goals back in grade 11/12 (?) with Steph & Michelle. I don't know if any of you still remember what I wrote. You might have seen it if you came to visit my old house since it was on my wall up until we moved. Basically, the goals addressed how I was and where I stood in terms of relationships. I won't write down what they were cuz a) I can't remember exactlyand b) I know I still have the same weaknesses. I'm surprised though; I must have been a pretty perceptive kid back then (either that or Steph and Michelle were just amazingly insightful). I mention this now because I say that I have gone through a lot more since then - yet at the same time, it's kind of sad because it seems as though some things don't change. Although I choose not to believe that. I know that I just can't change on my own. I believe that if I have my heart set on something much greater; that I will be changed in the process. At least, that's what I hold on to.

Ah, good times all around...Here's to many more years of nostalgia!

"OH HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN..."

I realized that it's been a while since I've last posted. I wanted to - believe me, like Ivan, there were times that thoughts came to my head where it would have made a good post but alas, there are only so many hours in a day and much of it needs to be focused on school.

Ah yes, school...where to start. This week was suppose to be a pretty crazy week but it's almost over and I came out pretty intact (at least until 6:30 rolls around). While writing my sensory test on Monday, I kept on repeating to myself "I don't care" after every single answer i circled. Needless to say, this was not the best attitude when writing a test and I got a mark that was fairly disappointing for the amount of effort I put in. I had spoke to Helen the day before about my attitude towards studying, education and marks; and as a direct result, I did what I always do - a complete 180 in hopes to change things. Obviously, the key is finding a balance between my goals and my motives behind the goals.

I am thankful though, extremely thankful that there are still people caring about my well-being and praying for me back at home. I'm thankful for the wonderful group of girls that I live with - that we can get along, joke, and study together. I enjoy the fact that at 11pm on a thursday night, a third of our class is crammed into a lab, willing to quiz & help each other in preparation for a test.

I have realized that I am going to know more about the eye than I ever wanted to know. Who ever knew there was so much involved with an eye? The more I learn, the more confident I am in the competency of my eye doctor. Heck, if you had to know all this stuff to be able to practice - kudos to you!

Classes are great here. In anatomy, they actually test your knowledge through a clinical perspective (ie. you're given all these symptoms and you have to diagnose the problem). In biochem, I'm learning everything that I had learnt in my old biochem class BUT from the perspective of the eye. Same with physio; we learn all these different systemic diseases, their ocular implications and the reasons behind them. In optometry class, I'm learning how to read prescriptions and in optics class I'm learning how to determine the presciptions as well as how it works. This class is by far the coolest. Our prof can look at any person in class with glasses sitting on their face and tell their prescription without touching anything. He can also tell you which type of lens and coating they have. And he can figure out anyone's prescription without any instruments whatsoever. Yes, by far the coolest. My last class is sensory - the doozy class. It's not very fun because the entire first month we've learnt about light bulbs. I can tell you more than you ever need to know about the different types of bulbs. But I have to admit, you'll never find a prof more enthusiastic about the subject. This class would be even more torturous.

I have my first anatomy practical tomorrow. I've never had one before but apparently it's fairly common in the states. There will be models set up at 30 different stations and we have 1 min 15 sec at each station to identify parts/relationships/functions/etc. Wish me luck!

One last note, my parents are coming to visit me on thanksgiving for my b-day. How awesome is that?! If anyone else would like to hitch a ride, there's still room in the car & an extra bed. THe only stipulation is that you have to bring something for me! *grin*

Thanks all for now. Stay tune for more mispronunciations of this Canuck!

THE TIRED ME

Today was a looong day. The thing about this school is that they're very keen on class hours. This means that even tests have to be scheduled outside of lecture time so that they can continually cram info into your brain in the afternoon as you spew them out in the morning. I mean, I've never had classes that would reschedule lecture hours because of a national holiday. I still had my classes from labour day...oh yessiree, just not on that monday. It's definitely great that I'm getting my full money's worth here though, especially the amount I'm forking over! It's gotten to the point where the digits don't matter to me because I've never see that many numbers =)

So yes, back to my day. Here's a look:
6am - wake up (I shower in the mornings & I like to review my notes before an exam)
8am - write test
9am - Sensory lab
11am - Anatomy lab
1 pm -lunch
1:30pm - Book drive meeting
2pm - Biochem
4pm - Sensory
5pm - dinner
5:30pm - BREAK!
6pm - group meeting
7:30pm - assignment
11:30pm - now

I am so glad that this jam-packed day is not normal, otherwise I think I would go crazy. Seriously, my head hurts from being so tired - I didn't even think that was possible. Don't get me wrong though, I'm totally loving the fact that I'm here and I'm enjoying every moment of it! Well...almost. There's one class that's a bit of doozy but on the whole, the profs' are entertaining. I shall blog about the stories another time. I can't believe I'm actually in OPTOMETRY - whoohoo!!! =)

P.S. Did i mention that I ate 4 pieces of cake today - 3 of which constituted my dinner. I feel sick when I think about it, but it was darn yummy going down!

'Just Give Me Jesus' Conference

I ended up going to the Christian women's conference with Anne Graham Lotz as the main speaker yesterday night. It's actually a two-day event but I could only make it for yesterday since I had to work this morning. It was different from any other event that I've been to because it's in a huge stadium (where the Bulls & other sporting events normally occcur). It was weird to see a sporting stadium filled with only women; and from so many different states, brought together by one common thing - each one of us wanted more Jesus in our lives. It's truly an amazing bond.

I went with my church and it was interesting to see more than 70 women representing different generations all on the bus. I think there were some high school girls, some from college and young adult, some newly married and some parents; there were even a couple of grandmas. For those where english is not their first language, there were earpieces and different interpreters available in the various corporate rooms: Mandarin, Cantonese, Spanish, even sign language!

The session topic was about Jesus as our Saviour, and Anne Graham Lotz went through the last few hours of Jesus' life. One thing that I thought was neat was when she said that even when Jesus couldn't feel God He still quoted scripture and put His faith in the Word of God. (ie. when he said "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" ~Mk 15:34; it's actually from Ps 22:1) I found it interesting because it's something that is practical and that I can actually do - must read more Bible thought! I think the most moving part of the entire event was when lots of women gathered around the stage at the end of the night - some were kneeling and others standing, but all were just praying for forgiveness at the foot of the cross.

As we were all heading back on the bus, each woman from our church received a flower and a card courtesy of some men in the young adults group - all the cards quoted a passage and a small prayer. I just thought it was a really nice gesture, especially since each card was artistically hand-made (by guys nonetheless!) and it was encouraging to know that after all these brothers/husbands dropped off their sisters/wives, they were praying for us the whole time we were at the conference. God uses each and every one of us in the greatest way doesn't He? =) How can I encourage others in return?

"Love so amazing demands my life, my soul, my all"
~ Anne Graham Lotz

AAH...CAFFEINE

Ok, so I was sitting in my biochem class and had a moment clarity while on a french vanilla high - everything I'm learning is related to the eye! Don't laugh...it seriously did NOT hit me until today, even though the eye has been mentioned in every single class an infinite number of times. I guess I had been relating all that I've been learning to still being in undergrad. It's pretty similar in terms of sitting in class while a prof is at the front lecturing to us. I am going to know more than I ever wanted to know about the eye...I mean, I'm going to seriously know it inside and out. Part of me is wondering: am I ready for it? The other part is thinking: this is what I always wanted! I guess I'm a little scared that I've lost that desire which drove me to want to go into optometry in the first place. But I'm pretty sure this fear is induced by my brain-deadness from the constant cramming of info and adrenaline rush of needing things to be done.

Even as I write this, I am reminded of my original reason for wanting to be in this profession and what I had written for my application. And it just perked me up. Maybe I'll post it online one day =) I think I may need to print a copy and stick it near my desk as a constant reminder. But I'm liking this whole blogging thing...it helps me organize my thoughts. Sorry to all you who have to put up with the process as you read this though! *huggs*

THE STARVING ME

So while everyone else is getting ready to go back to school, I am already finishing my 2nd week of classes. Things have been pretty good so far, starting to pcik up though. I did a class presentation yesterday for some extra credit - I know I'm a such a nerd but I figured it was worth it! It was kind of nerve-racking standing in front of my whole class (there's 158 of us) but everyone gave sincere compliments so I guess all those years of the science centre did come into use after all!

We got our test schedule and there are 2 tests a week (some with 3) but at least they're spaced out evenly. Also have assignments and group projects, I'm almost finished two and hoping to finish my paper today. I guess this is pretty normal for a lot of the engineering people since you all have your classes together but it's definitely something to get used to as a science student. I can see how everyone in our class know each other by graduation because we all have the exact same schedule.

Something I don't like about being so far from home and living in res is the fact that I'm on a meal plan. Firstly, the food isn't the greatest but most of the time edible. *laughs* Except for last night were you really can't tell if it was fish or chicken (now that's scary!) Health is definitely going to be an issue if the hot food continues to be this greasy and fatty. Secondly, they don't have dinners on weekends. Now this is great for us to go and explore Chicago, but in this area - it's not like I can just walk to the nearest take-out or East Side's. Especially when it's dark. And they don't serve food on holidays. This mean that my last meal is on Friday for lunch and then I don't get to eat until Tuesday morning because fo Labour Day weekend. What should I do?? If I was in Waterloo, this wouldn't matter because I would just go home for the weekend. Not possible anymore. And I can't live on instant noodles for ALL my meals - heck, even I think that's gross! I guess it'll be a good time to fast...although I always said I couldn't give up food, maybe this is showing me that it's my idol. Oie! I hate to say it...but I hope not.

Anyways, last but not least, I saw "Primal Fear" last night with my roommate. It's an older movie made in the '90s with Richard Gere and Ed Norton before he was famous. If you haven't seen it, I HIGHLY recommend you rent it. It's one of those movies that would rank around Shawshank...below it but in the same category of 'good'. It sent shivers through my body and I couldn't sleep for a bit, but you know how I am with movies. Guess that's all, school can't be THAT crazy yet if I can still have time to catch a flick, rite? Toodles! =)

THOUGHTS ON 'BANANA BOYS'

I finally read "Banana Boys" by Terry Woo. I first heard of the book through Imprint (the Waterloo school paper) and then through Ivan's blog. It took me a while to get it, apparently it's not so popular in the States - I had to get mine loaned from the University of Vermont. Yes, I am too cheap to buy the book. Heck, it says $22.99 on the back! For a paperback nonetheless!

I must say that I'm disappointed. I had expected more; more humor, more connection, or something. To be honest, it just a story about a bunch of depressed asian guys who drink waayyy too much and ramble about their pathetic lives...actually, in this sense, the book was kind of realistic. *grin* But I guess it wasn't what I had wanted from the book and a lot of the experiences the characters had I really couldn't relate to. I DID enjoy trying to decipher the written form of chingish (ie. "heung jiu" = 'banana' in cantonese). It's something that I often use myself when taking down phones messages for my parents since I can't write chinese. Another thing that I thought was kind of neat was that the setting sometimes took place in Waterloo, so I knew which buildings they were talking about.

On the whole though, it's definitely a book to borrow from the library, and read only if you had time. Maybe it's because I'm a girl and the characters were guys. I find that a lot of times the conversations between the characters reflect the pseudo-philosophical discussions found on the msg board (which I also conveniently skip; sorry boys!) And their complaints about the CBC girls I find are unfounded. Of course this is my biased opinion. For example...

This is an excerpt where a guy named Dave is explaining why he likes his friend's sister:

I completely disagree with this, I know plenty of girls who fit the discription, and aren't too...anything. AND they're all dating Banana boys. So the basis of the book's is wrong. My theory is there must be something wrong with the characters in the book since no girls want to date them - could it be their self-pitying nature and lack of guts to ask a girl out?

Let's face it, deep down every girl essentially wants someone to take care of them and protect them & their off-spring. It's part of nature and is inborn, I don't care how you put it. Now, even if you're the independent type of girl (which would be more my case) it's still there - its just hidden underneath the lack of trust for the opposite sex. That is, how can these guys possible do a good enough job for their "dependants" when they can't even take care of themselves. Best we watch our own back first. This is how I think my generation of girls are brought up see it. I'm not saying that it's right or that it's good. In fact, I don't think it is and I'm learning to let go of my need to be in control and how to believe in the opposite sex (something that's a work in progress). The best way for a person to improve is when others put their trust in your abilities and just let you go at it. I mean, how else is the poor sap suppose to learn? *grin*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THOUGHTS ON B. B. - CON'T

I couldn't help but compare myself to a character's desciption of the "ideal woman" - just to see if there was any resemblance. It's silly and stupid, I'm the first to admit it. And I can picture all of you guys laughing at me as you read this but I don't care! I'm being honest on my blog, so there =P

Excerpt #2:
"I see a willowy Asian woman: long black hair, pale complexion, large expressive brown eyes, perhaps like the ones on Japamine heronies. She has a smallish nose, and a smallish mouth, which generously gives smallish smiles.

She's neatly dressed, yet cery casual bordering on slobhood at home. She's intelligent and quiet, but never afraid to speak her mind when she feels she's right, calling me on my copped attitudes witha firm stare and a wry sense of humour.

She's resonable and serious, but she can also relax and cut loose once in a while. She might be in a 'responsible' field like accounting or optometry, but she has a full appreciation of the finer things in life, to counterbalance my aftless lack of culture.

She likes reading, she trasures her time alone, but she also loves spending time with me, just goofing off - lying in the part in the summer, driving for takeout late at night, making snide comments at the latest fall offerings by the Fox Network. She likes good coffee and good music, some of which we would argure about in a good-natured sort of way. She likes the occasional beer; when she does drink, she laughs a lot and turns red.

She likes to try new things like going out for Ethiopian or Romanian, or giving that new neo-Uiguric-Etruscan palce a shot. She makes a great Caesar salad, but otherwise, she can't cook worth beans - she pawns off all the cooking duties on me."

Let's see: Asian woman, check. I won't describe my hair as long nor my eyes large, and I look NOTHING like the anime characters. They are hot though, you've got to admit. Especially the chicks from Final Fantasy!

Anyways, my dressing may be too casual - I am more slobbishly dressed then I care to admit at times. I don't normally speak my mind unless the conversation is going at my pace - otherwise, it takes too long and requires too much effort to form an opinion. I'd rather observe and absorb. And I'm not the person that comes to mind when you think of having a sense of humour.

Ah, here comes the fun part. I'd like to think I am reasonable and serious when I need to be. And I can definitely cut loose. I AM in optometry (whoohoo, extra brownie points!) but I'm afraid I'm not very good in appreciating artsy stuff.

I do like to read a lot and I absolutely treasure my time alone. This may be single-child syndrome coming out in me. I guess I would enjoy spending time with a guy if I liked him but I'm not big on drinking coffee. Unless, of course, it's Timmy's iced caps...something that they need to start here in the states. I hate beer and refuse to drink it but I do turn red if I drink alcoholic beverages (I believe it's called the Asian flush).

I'd like to say that I enjoy trying new things but I'm not extremely adventurous. I think the last sentence speaks to me like no other - I would say that I've found my soul-mate if the guy can: a) appreciate a good Ceasar salad and b) want a girl who can't cook! *laughs*

I know that if I had to write down my "ideal man" it would probably be 10 times longer than this excerpt =). But just out of curiousity, how similar is this list to what you, as male blog readers, are looking for? I'm expecting at least 1 response from Ivan, cuz he's always willing to share his thoughts with me. Let me know!

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?

So ends my 2nd day of classes. Things have been going fairly well, most have been review except for my optics course - which already has half the class spinning in confusion. You may have noticed my title. You know how at the beginning of high school and university, they always have those workshops that go over how you should study? This is the first time EVER, that I have actually followed it. I have reviewed all my courses before the lectures, finished dinner, then head back to my room to review what we talked about, and then reviewed to the next day's lectures. Hence my question: What IS happening to me? It's always been that I would procrastinate during the first month of classes until assignments and midterms start getting close - then I start to hit the books. Mind you, I realize that it's only the 2nd day but still - it's weird. More scary, I think, is the fact that every other person in Res is doing the exact same thing. *sigh* I can feel myself getting old very, very fast. I need to act silly and childish before I start losing who I am. I think I have always found my identity in being impulsive. Granted, this has gotten me into trouble time and time again. But I had always thought that a little spontaneity was a good thing, not to mention fun! Does it mean that you can't be spontaneous if you want to be mature? (RE: Simon's blog) 'Cause you should always be doing something else - that's what doing things on impulse means...dropping everything and doing whatever you crave at the moment. Hmmm, just re-reading this last sentence, I can see how this is reflected in the dips in my life. Maybe it IS time for me to mature - now that's a thought!

On the topic of "exercising" (RE: Steph's blog), I have decided to take up yoga. They do have cardio/dance, what I normally like to do, but it's during my classes. Is yoga exercising? I mean, I can't see how much of a workout you can get from breathing and meditiating. But if you look at Madonna, she's crazy-fit and that's all she does! (Or so she says...) We'll see how this yoga thing goes...I'm starting to feel heavier as well. It really might have something to do with the portions they give here and my desire to not waste. Or it could also be the fact that I snack on junk food whenever I get the chance. Weekends are not the healthiest since they only serve brunch and dinners are on your own. I spent last weekend eating instant noodles, chinese rice crackers, seaweed and chips. I had bought over $100 worth of chinese junk food to bring down with me so you'll be seeing that many pounds on me in proportion! =)

CHURCH...AND OTHER NEWS

So it's sunday afternoon right now and I just wanted to share something. I spent most of yesterday afternoon trying to figure out which church to go to today. Willowcreek was definitely out of the question so I started to search the web. It was a difficult thing to do since I really didn't know much. Who would have ever thought that there would be so many different denominations. For example, what's the difference between 'baptist' and 'missionary baptist'? And to make matters even more challenging, they even had the known questionable groups on the same site. So I decided to only consider those that I've heard of. There was two that sounded really good but both were quite far up north (we're talking at least 1 hr or more by subway). So I was considering a community church close to Moody Church - which was the one I went to last week with my parents. I even searched University of Chicago and Illinois Institute of Technology's website for fellowships and related church links since they were both relatively close to where I was.

All I can say is that God always provides. Helen called me just to check-up and she just happened to mention that I could look into going to a chinese church. Funny huh? Since I'm chinese, you'd think that this would have already been thought of. So I did more internet searching and found CCUC (Chinese Christian Union Church). It's located in Chinatown, which is 1 subway stop away from where I get on. I figured it was close, and since I didn't know what time the baptist church next door started, I'd go to CCUC this week and check it out first. It took me about 30 mins to get there and let me tell you, even though it was broad daylight, it was scary walking around a strange city - especially when you're female and you know the neighbourhood isn't the safest. My roommate gave me a bottle of mase to carry around. I know I've been living in a suburban bubble my whole life but seriously, who really walks around carrying mase and pepper spray in Toronto? Isn't it illegal or something?? Freaked me right out cuz it's apparently the most normal thing to have around here, regardless of whether you're a guy or a girl. Anyways, I walked into the sanctuary and it felt like I was home - it was so weird. Maybe it's because I had all this fear building up inside of me so the minute I sat down, it just hit me. Overall, the experience was good. I joined a Sunday school group, although they technically weren't doing sunday school stuff. It was the age-group closest to me and they were doing bible study leadership training so I joined in. It turns out that their previous pastor had moved to Toronto and is actually serving at NYCBC right now. How neat is that?

Anyways, in other church-related news, I went to the baptist church next door on the way to the station to find out the service times. I tried yesterday but the doors were all locked. It was kind of scary because all the windows had wires on them (in case I didn't mention before, the school is located in a rougher neighbourhood). I went inside and it was still scary and also pretty gloomy. I mean, you'd be intimidated too when you have big portraits of large, black pastors staring at you when you walk into the church. I hope that didn't sound racist...it wasn't meant to be, it's just how I felt. So I don't think I'd be comfortable going there every week...maybe during exams if I really need to.

Another thing to mention is that there's a Women's conference on Sept. 10 - 11 that I'm thinking about going to. The main speaker is Anne Graham Lotz, daughter of Billy Graham, and it's in Chicago. The best part is, it's FREE and there's no registration. So I can just show up last minute if I wanted to, although I'd have to figure out where it is. That's about all I have to share right now...I'll let you know how things go =)

THE THANKFUL ME

Hey guys! Thanks for all your words of encouragement, it truly means a lot to know that there's so many people back home who are praying for me and supporting me. Things are slightly better today. I got to meet a classmate who goes to church - Willowcreek nonetheless! But unfortunately he's commutes about 1 and a 1/2 hrs to school everyday so I doubt he'd be willing to drive out just to pick me up for church. It's weird, I've met so many classmates that are married - this guy just got married a month ago. Another guy's been married for 6 years and has one kid who's 4 and another on the way. There's at least 4 or 5 women that I saw who had rings on their finger. Hanging around so many people who are so focused and mature is definitely something I need to get use to and learn from.

Yup, our year is very diverse and actually kinda sketchy. *laughs* We had an interactive forum on ethics today with questions that had obvious answers such as if you should date patients - the answer being yes if they were cute, duh! I'm just kidding =). But some of the questions that they asked I seriously wouldn't have even considered. For example, you have a practical exam today so last night you practiced on a friend (so you know their eye and the procedure really well) only to find out that the prof had assigned that same friend to be your patient subject. I would have just wrote it off as being lucky but apparently you're suppose to tell the prof so that they could change the people. Now in retrospect, I can see how that would be unfair to my classmates (or "colleagues" as they continuously drill into our heads) but yeah, definitely wouldn't have thought of it at the time.

Last but not least, I know that many of you have been asking for contact info. I do have everything and I'm just trying to find everyone's e-mail and just send one mass e-mail out instead of doing it individually - so it's coming! On that note, would you mind e-mailing me all your contact info as well (mailing address, e-mail, phone #) just cuz I left my address back at home. Thanks again guys! *huggs*

THE OVERWHELMED ME

So ends our first day of orientation. Wow, do they cram things in. I feel so completely lost and...overwhelmed by everything right now - I need time to digest. Things are going way too fast.

*break*

I thank the Lord for always providing when I am in need and I can only pray that I may be used in the same manner as well. Had my blogging not been interrupted by a much needed phone call, this would have continued to be a freaking-out session. Though I still have fears (one in particular is finding spiritual accountability), I am reminded that no matter what He is always with me. There are still many questions and uncertainties; but as long as I focus solely on my Father and surrender all, I will not go astray. I take great comfort in this fact. I need to worship Him more! =)

P.S. I have a feeling this "freaking-out" thing is going to happen a lot more often now. Oie!

CHI-CHI-CHICAGO!

Hello everyone! I have arrived safely to Chicago. Thanks to all of you that keep my family and I in your prayers. For those of you that I have not spoken to in a while, SURPRISE! =) I actually got accepted into Optometry this year and will be studying in Chicago for the next 4 years (provided that I don't fail out!)

To Update:
We set off on Saturday morning, was suppose to leave at 8am but dwaddled until 10am. Got to Chicago around 7pm Toronto time. BTW, Chicago is 1 hour behind so keep that in mind if you're planning to call and send your love =P. I got to meet up with my roommate that night at a coffee shop. I still haven't had a chance to go to the Cheesecake Factory yet cuz there was a 2 hour wait...that must be some GOOOD cheesecake!

Sunday morning we went to church before moving in. I had wanted to go to Willowcreek on last time before my parents left but we got lost this time. We ended up going to The Moody Church instead. It was okay, the speaker was pretty good but the environment reminded me of the old gothic churches - kinda big and scary. On a interesting note, there's a radio station that plays Christian music all day, every day...AND they also had live service broadcasts on sundays. I thought that was pretty cool - I've never noticed any station like that in Toronto.

Anyways, we moved into my room afterwards. My roommate arrived a heck of a lot earlier than me so she was pretty much done by the time I arrived. Got settled in, had to rearrange the furniture a bit though. We think that our double room was originally a single cuz it's smaller than our suitemates...but it's ok, I'd like to think that we're a lot more cozy! =) I went out for dinner with my parents, my roommate and one of my suitemates to a restaurant called "Foodlife". It's kind of like Marche but much more casual and the food wasn't as fancy either. Then we went back to our dorm and got ready to go to a bar to meet some classmates. Wasn't all too exciting considering all we wanted to do was crawl into bed after a long day of unpacking. It took us about an hour to get to the bar and we walked about 1/2 hour to get to the station. So I only stayed about 45 mins chatting with some ppl then went back home to pass out.

Some brilliant person decided to call at 8am this morning and turned out to be the wrong number so after that, neither of us could go back to sleep. So we woke up earler and got our photo ids done. Then went to pcik up some last minute stuff.

I just goodbye to my parents and my mom started to cry =( On the plus side, my webcam's finally set up so I can talk to them face-to-face once they get home! (I got it as a going away present for them). Anyways, that's all for now - I know it's not very insightful but it'll have to do until next time.

HMM...

To be honest, it's been quite a while since I've updated and there are some things I'd like to mention but after reading Alex's blog, I don't feel it's the time. Instead, I'll post one of my journal entries from when I did a sandwich run back in mid-May:

I don’t know what to say. It’s been a very different experience. Doing the sandwich run today was something I’ve never done before and I’m still trying to digest my thoughts. I want to do it again. I want to be able to listen more, I want to be there more for them. Right before we met our first homeless person, Karen told me how whenever she comes downtown with a friend, she’d always buy a couple of taco bell’s or something just to hand out. She’d never really had a chance to talk to them though; which is something we're trying to do this time...to really spend some time getting to know them better. The first guy we encountered just wanted food. We didn’t really get a chance to get to know him better because there were so many of us. But he was friendly. Wasn’t rude or scary or anything. Very civil.

After the group split up, the second guy we met was one that really touched me. He was a middle Eastern who said hi to me as we were walking by. So we stopped to chat and to offer him some food. He wanted a ham & cheese and I asked where he was from. He said somewhere that I couldn’t quite hear and then he made a joke about how I didn’t know my geography. He bowed a lot to us. Sometimes from the waist and once on one knee. So we bowed back. The part that really moved me was when he asked me what was the first thing I did when I saw him. I wasn’t sure so I said, “Hi?”. He disagreed and so I said “Would you like a sandwich?” and he said “No”. He said, “you smiled at me”. He called me an angel face and told me to never stop smiling. And he told me to smile for his mother (whom I assume is in heaven). He said that I had a dimple, just like him. Now that I think about it, we do have a lot of similarities. As Joannie read yesterday in Psalms 22:2 “Rich and poor have this in common: The Lord is the Maker of them all”. I am so amazed at how the Lord is working in and through them. So many have felt God’s presence, even in their situations.

Like the third woman that we saw sitting on a bench. She had a shopping cart full of cardboard boxes – some with writing on it, relating to hunger and God. When we asked which sandwich she wanted she said egg, that it was her favourite. Then she said that she was hungry, and asked if she could have another. She was great to talk to, and ask us which church we were from. She told us that she went to the city hall but didn’t see any church people and ask if we knew if they handed out food there on Saturdays. Then ask we talked, she told us about needing to go to Baltimore because her green card has expired for 3 weeks and she needed to renew it but she needed to get $200 to pay for the bus. She had all her tickets but it was stolen before and she left it on the bus another time. Apparently she was from Windsor but had married an American who died. She was waiting for next week to come around so she can get her $195 but until then she’s broke and has no food. She told us how God was good to her because she was hungry and He sent us.

The fourth guy we talked to joked that he didn’t do drugs as we approached him. When we offered him food, he asked for juice. And then he asked for the sandwich as well. He told us that he doesn’t normally panhandle but likes to see if he can get a couple of smiling faces. He was so amazed by the four slices of ham inside the sandwich and joked about that being why we didn’t want to give it to him.

The last guy we saw also asked for juice. We got to talk to him for about because as we approached him he asked me if I knew Christ. Just like that. He then told me how wonderful God was because it didn’t matter how many times we screwed up, He’d still be there. He introduced himself and gave his hand for a handshake. I was taken aback because Peter had warned us not to touch anyone. But I’m glad he did that because it reminded me that this was something I would normally do if I net someone for the first time. I asked him about the books he had in his pocket and he said that those were for light reading. He opened the knapsack that he was sitting on showed us a few of the books that he was reading. “Warlock” and some other fantasy novels. I wish I could donate my books to them. He told us that his favourite book was the book of Isaiah. I want to know why now. I’m amazed at how much love these people have for God. That He is all that they rely on and they have that complete trust that God will provide.

An amazing thing happened during our debriefing. Since it was outside, it was pretty cold and we sat on benches newar some homeless people. One of them came over during our meeting and offered a bagful of food. Said he had too much and thought we should have it, and then left it for us. Amazing. Even in their own need, this man gave to others. Why can’t I be more like him?

Peter asked a good question at our debriefing. He asked us “where do we find our security?” Do I find my security in my home? My possessions? These people do have any of those things. Or if they do, it’s often robbed from them. Many times, all the security they have, they find from God. Why can’t my security come from God instead of materialistic belongings? It’s so true. If Jesus really was here, he wouldn’t be among us preaching. He’d be where they are, loving them, caring them and teaching them. I would like to do that, but more so, learn from them. There is so much to know.

The second thing that I realized that my blessing. God gave me a smile. I remember talking to my mom about finding spiritual gifts when we were on a plane coming back from Winter con and I told her that I thought my gift was my smile. I guess I truly realized how much this gift was meant to be shared today…shared with EVERYONE, no one excluded! So many of them are just looking for some recognition, to be acknowledge and greeted. How horrible is that? To go through a day without getting one smile...I seriously don't believe God intended it to be this way. I mean, He had to make smiles possible for a reason or else it couldn't be such a universal gesture.

Another amazing thing happened as we were going on the train back up. As we were having a discussion, a woman sitting next to Karen asked if we were students. When we said yes, she said that she was really encouraged to see such wholesome kids our age. She said that even before she heard us talking about God, that we had the ‘expression of Jesus’. She said she had heard of people talking about it but never really experienced it until today and told us that it was such a good witness to others. I am constantly in awe by the people God has placed in my life. He has blessed me with so many opportunities and experiences and I just pray that I will make use of all that He has provided to me.


So yes, I'm glad I got to read Alex's blog. Its helped to refocus my time with God - less on worldly worries, more sincere listening in my prayer please.

THE NON-STICK Me

Ah! I just came out of a shower and I can't tell you how nice it felt. One thing that I've definitely taken for granted is air-conditioning. I've been working at my optometrist's office until my summer job at the Science Centre starts, and I tell you, it's been pretty brutal. How brutal, you ask? Well, think of the weather we've been having the last couple of days (~28 Celsius) and imagine stepping out of an office where this weather is considered very nice & cool. I can't possibly imagine how some families who may not be able to afford air-conditioning actually live during the summer - especially on days were there's smog and the temperature is well over 30. I guess it makes me appreciate just how many luxuries I have in my life.

On a side note - T.V. is EVIL!!!
I waste away in front of the screen...watching cleaning & home-decorating shows. You know you're getting old when this is more appealing that anything else on television at that moment. *sigh* I mean, if I was at least watching cooking shows I could maybe say that I'm being productive. Help! I need accountability!

THANKFUL...

I got this in a e-mail a little while ago and just thought I should share:

If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who won't survive the
week.

If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.

If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your
refrigerator,
clothes on your back, a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this
world.

If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a
smile on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the
majority can,
but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand,
hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.

If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.

You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know.


There is much that I should be thankful for, especially now. I pray that I can always remember: I don't deserve anything that's been given to me. Many tough choices are ahead; may I be able to approach them with a thankful, serving, and most of all, humble heart.

CHECK LIST/UPDATE

Ok, my progress so far:

#16
I was helping/learning how to cook dinner today. I realized that making fish wasn't all too hard so I will no longer be AS impressed when Cass says that she cooked fish for dinner. *grin* I also realized that I enjoy making a mess but don't really like following instructions. Case in point: My mind started wandering the minute dad starts to explain the proper way to cook chicken but I laughed myself silly when i spilled soya sauce all over the the cabinet doors, counters and floor. Almost as bad as the time I spilled the rice bag - almost! *sigh* yes, i know i'm a klutz.

#8
Started reading "Jesus among other gods". Someone I know wanted to more about Christianity so I figured I read this book first to see if it's worth lending it. Apparently it's a very good book and comes highly recommended from lots of ppl that I've talked to. We'll find out

#1
I've found a class at Seneca that looks pretty good so I'm thinking about taking it. Is anyone else interested??

Basic conversational Mandarin
Mon 7-10pm or Sat 9:15-12:15pm
May 10th - Aug 14th
$198

#31
Standard First Aid & CPR
Dates are flexible
$85 (the cheapest one so far...St. John's was $159! What?!!)


I don't want to take either class alone but will be forced to if no one else is willing to join in. It should be fun! I know it's steep. Heck, anything more than 10 bucks and I think it's expensive but I think they're well-worth the shiny penny.

I was productive today in that I've cleaned out and re-organized most of my closet, compiling my waterloo and toronto clothes; cleaned out my dad's closet (i wonder when he'll notice that it's suddenly really empty); and cleaned out my mom's closet (and stole a couple of her unwanted garments...it's only fair since she took some of mine!). It's funny cuz the she took one of my unwanted last time and finally decided to get rid of it today...only I picked it back up. We really don't want to give that piece away! That's about it. I only came home last night so spent most of the day sleeping. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better spent! =)

Oh! Almost forgot, I finally watched "My Sassy Girl" after hearing others talk about it so much...only to realize that I've actually watched the darn thing before! Note to self: must less oblivious to everything!!

DAYDREAMING...

So yes, studying has not been productive b/c of daydreaming. Plus it doesn't help that all my friends that are in the same program as me are already all done and partying it up while I'm still stuck at the library. We went out to see Kill Bill yesterday and everyone decides to go for bubble tea afterwards, guess what I ended up doing - that's right, I went home to sleep so that I could wake up early for a last minute cram session before my exam tonight. What am I doing right now? Well, obviously not studying!

Cass lent me her Bond CDs and I have to admit they're pretty good! For those of you who've never heard of Bond, they're female string quartet ensemble that kind of mixes classical w/ trans music. And, oh yeah, they dress quite provocatively as well...that's actually how I first heard of them, going through some guy's DVD collection and saw their concert special. *tsk, tsk*

Anyways, I'm hooked on a couple of their songs and I started thinking how cool it would be to use them during a wedding reception cuz it's fun and upbeat since its latin and greek(?) based. Most weddings seem to be more distant and sombre. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? A wedding's normally suppose to be a joyous occasion but it generally seems like the usual dinner/speech/pick-on-the-couple program....maybe it's the Chinese thing. I want a fun, everyone-going-crazy-dancing-and-laughing-all-night-long type of wedding...like a REAL celebration of the marriage. Listen to the CDs and you'll understand the type of wedding I have pictured. So yes, looks like I'm going to have to find me a husband that's willing to do that (ie. make a fool of himself by dancing and doing fun/silly stuff in front of all his relatives - yes, that means his grandparents too). Going to be mighty tough since he has to know how to cook and carry a conversation with me as well! *laughs* Ah well, time will tell, watch me end up with the complete opposite for a husband...*grin*

Ok...back to studying! T minus 10 hrs until I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

WANTED

The Opportunity:
Providing valued opinions regarding female apparel

Qualifications:
-repected and mature male; OR female capable of providing a masculine perspective
-brutal honesty
-patience

Date:
Flexible

Benefits:
-Possible opportunity for outlet shopping in the States
-Other terms negotiable

Apply below or through the various contact means available.

~~~~~~~

For real...I want to go through my closet and change my wardrobe. And I seriously do need someone that's willing to be the 'guy' and tell me what's ok and what needs to be gone. Any takers? Like I said, we can negotiate the benefits! (free meal, etc)

ONLY IN WATERLOO...

...would we, as students, be geeky enough to go to war over a stupid library cubicle.

I have to admit that it was my fault it all started anyways; but today, things got a little too far out of hand. I am beginning to get a glimpse of the temptations Martin Luther King Jr. must have faced when he encountered all that opposition...it's so much easier to be bitter; to just lash out in anger and in vengeance. I truly admire his strength and perserverence.

" King had developed a sophisticated strategy of war fought with grace, not gunpowder. He never refused to meet with his adversaries. He oppoised policies but not personalities. Most importantly, he countered violence with nonviolence and hatred with love"
~ What's so amazing about Grace?, Philip Yancey

I hope that my actions may always be out of love as well.

NEW ADDITION

As you may have noticed, to your right hand side there is a lovely addition of things that I would like to do sometime in the next couple of years. Many require only 2-3 hours so I was hoping to do them this summer but as I started to write all of it down, I realized that these hours will add up! *laughs* So I changed it to just a general list of things - keep in mind that this list will be ever changing as there will be more that I want to do (and hopefully others will be checked off!) Since I actually used some html to put that list up...I think I'm well on my way to completing #26. What a great way to kick off the list! =)


*sigh* You can totally see that I'm procrastinating...

EMOTIONS

I have so much to blog about but so little time as I've been hiding out at the library. There is a lot that I want to share but I also want to do it personally - so be expecting my call after exams if I know your phone number. Just a brief outline, these past several weeks (i'd say the last month or so) has been the most trying for me. I've been keeping to myself and keeping a lot to myself...and things were pretty much ready to explode. I apologize now to all those who had to put up with the distant, very non-me person during this time. I think I haven't experienced this wide range of emotions and shed this amount of tears in a very long time but I knew throughout the whole time that this was a opportunity in which God wanted me to grow. I'm not saying this is over by any means, I'm still learning to rely on Him; trust in Him; and praise Him in whatever situation I may find myself in. God has been exceeding gracious me and I know that I am utterly unworthy to be given anything else after offering me the greatest gift already. I do not know what His purpose is but I pray that I will be able to be and serve as He originally intended for me.

On a side note, prayer meeting was great today. Thanks Tim for reminding us of using joy and enthusiasm when studying. Too often do we take for granted the education and books we have before us, and too often do we approach them with a heavy and resentful heart. I am excited to learn and excited to write my exams, and I pray that this may continue and spread to others throughout the entire exam period! =)

NEXT TIME...?

I honestly tried to post but can't express myself completely at the moment which is why I won't blog. I have been feeling very distracted lately. Maybe in a week or two things things will change...

"STUDYING" SESSION

So I ended up going to Kareoke with a bunch of CCFers last night. Didn't originally plan on it, told myself I had a lot of work to do but...yeah, I slacked off. One thing cool about going with so many talented individuals that normally serve on worship teams - they even harmonize during bad Kareoke songs! Basically, it felt like I was in a concert (especially once Erica started singing - wow, I could listen to her forever) just very cramped. Lots o' fun and good times. =)

I also learnt how to play 3 chinese drinking games that use dices. I never understood them, although I would always see them played on movies and such. It's actually not that difficult of a concept; most were a modified card game of some sort. One was like playing "Cheat"; one was like playing "Big Two" and one was like playing "Uno".

The best was still listening to others sing...normally, you go to Kareoke to hog the mike (well, at least I do *grin*) but it was actually enjoyable to sit back and hear others belt it out yesterday. I'm still totally in awe of how people can harmonize so easily; we're talking everyone but maybe 4, and including me and Cass. But there were over 12 people there! Now I want to learn how to harmonize...but then again, I want to learn a whole lot of things. That's a whole new blog though...

TRAGEDY....

It's a sad day for me today - it's the official day that I've lost one of my dimples. I want to cry. I knew it was disappearing when ppl started commenting that I only had 3 dimples when I knew that I had 4. At first, I just thought that my cheeks had soo much fat on it that it couldn't even fold over anymore - which is actually contradictory to what you would expect cuz the more the fat, to deeper the folds should be right? Anyways, I looked into the mirror today and didn't see even a hint of its presence anymore. I can still feel a slight indentation in the muscle but I have a feeling it's gone for good.
To my dimple on the right cheek: you have served me well over the years trying your best to balance off the other cheek. You fought a good battle and it is with great sorrow that I bid you farwell. *tear*

On another note, I just came back from dinner with Gary. I was so excited to have plans to go out cuz it's been over a month since I've actually planned to do something that wasn't related to some sort of work. We went to a nice restaurant that I first went with Tim called Sole. If you're in Waterloo, I highly suggest their ceasar salad (trust me, i know my ceasar!) and their steaks are pretty good too...although I had pasta myself. I think tonight reinforced the idea that I can't hold my liquor anymore. Just like our student-prof night, I started buzzing after a quarter of my drink and just like the other time, I started saying random things that could be mistaken as having more than one connotation. Last time, on the topic of cannabalism I had given Jeff permission to "eat me" and this time on the topic of steak dinner, I had told Gary that I really liked "his meat". Ew on both occassions...!! =P *sigh* Must really watch what I say when circulating alcohol in my system. Anyways, conversation really slowed near the end of the night. I'm hoping it's just cuz I'm so tired from lack of sleep and he's fighting a really bad cold, and that it's really not an indication of us not having much to talk about anymore. It's weird but I honestly felt that I didn't really have much to share that he could relate to or that he would care to know. I wonder if he feels the same way. But yes, I am tired now so i will blog again when I'm in a less dreamy state!

GOOD MUSIC

Wow! I'm completely into Nickelback right now...their new album is really good and much harder-sounding than their previous ones (mind you, I do realize I am behind the times since it was released a while ago =P) I never knew how good their lyrics were - combined with the catchy tunes and even better beats of course! Here are the lyrics to one of the songs that I'm still currently digesting:

Believe It Or Not

Believe it or not everyone have things that they hide
Believe it or not everyone keep most things inside
Believe it or not everyone believe in something above
Believe it or not everyone need to feel loved

But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out

Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
'Cause faith is so hard to find

But you don't and you won't
Until we figure out

I've seen it a lot every time the world turns upside down
Believe it or not most of us feel like we're losing ground
Believe it or not everyone hate admitting fear
Believe it or not most of us wanna know why we're here

But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out

Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
'Cause faith is so hard to find
Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
'Cause faith is so hard to find

But you don't and you won't
Until we figure out

Most of us have nothing to complain about
Most of us have things we could live without
Everyone need advice on how to get along

You don't, we won't
Until we figure out

Believe it or not everyone have things that they hide
Believe it or not everyone keep most things inside
Believe it or not everyone believe in something above
Believe it or not everyone need to feel loved

But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out

Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
'Cause faith is so hard to find

Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
'Cause faith is so hard to find

But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out
But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out

How many people do you think can agree and relate to the desperation in this song? Doesn't the idea just excite you to get up and do something about it or drive you to want to learn even more - so as not to feel like this anymore? =)

HOT NEW LOOK!

AH-HA! I am the most brilliant person! I can now do anthing - even start to kick some good CS butts!! In case you haven't noticed, I now have comments on my page to enhance my sexy blog... ; ) Please use it so that I can feel like I do have friends! *laughs*

Many thanks to Raph - for unknowingly helping me with this, and of course to Haloscan for providing the service. And remember, if someone as programming illerterate as me can do this - there is hope for the world!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Since I'm already on, I'll do my blog as well - nothing to do with thinking today though, just plain rumblings =)

I was on Simon's site a while ago and he had this fun quiz thing up. I definitely recommend it if you're bored and in need of a good laugh. It tests to see what type of person you're most physically attracted to - and they make it all professional sounding with a whole bunch of graphs, so like Simon, I'm convinced! *grin*

Here's my results:
Thanks for taking Match.com's Ph.D.-formulated Physical Attraction Test, a revolutionary development in the world of relationships. This scientific system will help you narrow your search for those who are truly compatible with your physical preferences.

Below is the summary of your report.

Favorite Qualities
Your photo choices suggest a man over 35 is probably getting a little old for your tastes
You seemed interested in dating a man at least 25 or older
Handsome men
So-called "Ecto-Mesomorphs," with narrow chins and nicely angular faces
Light brown hair
Curly hair

Favorite Looks
One of the "looks" that you consistently noticed has been described as "Ruggedly Handsome." These men usually have strong, angular faces and "chiseled" features. Forget small button noses! You like men with strong, manly noses, balanced with an equally prominent chin. A tan and weathered look further adds to their overall impression of masculinity. Only 1 in 10 women (9%) are uniquely drawn to this type of man over a more traditional mainstream type.

Another of the "looks" that you consistently noticed has been described as "The Boy Next Door." He has an open face, with big eyes, and a big grin. He has a youthful or boyish quality that will follow him throughout his life. Typically this look is associated with light brown hair, a close shave, and blue or hazel eyes. These guys convey a warm, trusting impression, but watch out for that mischievous side! Our studies find that about 1 in 5 women (18%) are especially attracted to this youthful look.


I guess this means pretty faces are out of the question...*sigh* Too bad, I COULD have had good-looking kids. Now, they're either going to be manly (that's ok for the boys but my poor, unfortunate girls) or just very plain lookin' *laughs* And no one under 25?!! Now that's really limiting my choice selection now that I'm in 3rd year - guess that means I'm just going to have to stop robbing-the-cradle.

Just a word of advice, it's slim pickings when going through the pictures...well, for the girl - I havn't been bored enough to try doing the guy's yet. Actually, it wasn't too bad until one question...then my wide range of choices suddenly narrowed down to 2 possible guy types. Oh what a sad day it was... *laughs* Post your answers too so I can see who to set you up with! =) I'm j/k...but do post your answers so I can a) see that my comment board is working; b) make fun of you as well; and c) make fun of you some more.

RELATIONSHIPS

*laughs* I can see this has a very high chance of be a continuous discussion on my blog. I'd be interested to see how my views change as grow older.

Anyways, I was looking back on a conversation Deb and I had a while ago and one thing that caught my eye was when she asked what I had learned from my past relationships.

"i learned most about myself...i learned that there are so many areas of my life that I need to work on and that would not be able to work without God's grace. i used to say that my boyfriends brought out the worst in me...i now see that the poor guys' just showing me who i really am...and i hate to say it but it's ugly - I'm really ugly when it comes to relationships but I'm glad God revealed this side of me cuz it only shows how much more I need His help to be the beautiful woman God has planned me to be"

I'm putting this answer up as a reminder to myself...when I start to get prideful of thinking that I can do things on my own, without relying on God. I guess this thought can tie in with my "Remember" blog last month.

What brought about this topic all of a sudden? We've been having a trilogy-turned-sequel on this idea the past 2 weeks in our Questions Unanswered cell group. The next meeting is tomorrow night so I'm sure I will have more to blog about later on.

So I was having a conversation on msn with my ex today (oh how i dislike this term! I long for the day I can feel comfortable enough to say friend, which is odd considering how close you get to someone when you're dating them) and I started to reflect more about our past and present relationship. Am I pleased with where we are now? Absolutely! I'm so glad that we have moved to the point were we can speak to each other on a casual basis. I always believed that if we were to keep in touch, it could only be because it was in God's plan. Same with if we ever saw each other again...I don't think I would ever purposely meet up and chit-chat over drinks without some sort of indication that it's time to do so. I guess things are still bumpy --which is weird.

When any of my low situations are seen in retrospect, I find that I'm always stuck with conflicted emotions. "Do I wish I could have done things differently if I could go back" The old me would have said no - everything can be a postivie learning experience. But as explained in my testimony, I realized that this isn't always the case. There are going to be times that you just have to face the fact that you're not acting like the person you were meant to be. Here's where the conflict comes in. If I go back to change things, then I may not necessarily end up where I am today. Now that's a scary thought! But then again, I guess it could be argued that either way, it's God's plan and if He calls me to Him, then I would have been found regardless of whatever situation I'm in.

Whoa! That went off on a tangent...The reason all that came up was because Ivan once asked me if I thought my ex was "the one that got away". I think the reason his question still stays with me is because, even now, I still can't give a completely straight answer. My answer remains the same as it was then - I can't picture us working out so I can see how it's a good thing that we broke up...but I wouldn't mind a second chance just to be able to prove that I can do better. But this leads into our cell group discussion on the purpose of dating. If you can't see a possible good outcome, should you still bother trying? Head knowledge versus putting it into pracitise in our daily lives...that's the toughie.

Wow...I totally didn't realize how personal I just got. Part of me wants to not put this up altogether. But another part says: this it's who I am, these are my experiences, thoughts and feelings, I know the people who are reading this...I feel close and comfortable enough with them to share these things.

So yes, what IS the purpose to dating? I'm still not quite sure where I stand. Last week, there were serveral perspectives brought up.
1) That you are able to bear more good fruit than each is able to do individually.
- This means that the two of you can encourage not only each other, but those around you as well better and more than you can do being single. Ray said something about multiplying your fruit - that's like exponental growth when you're tegether with someone! How many couples do you know can actually do this? I find it very challenging - but something to look and work towards =) I believe Joshua Harris also touches on this idea briefly in his book "Boy meets Girl".

2) That you experience God's love.
- This was in response to my other question following #1 "What do you get from dating that you can't possibly get from a good relationship with a fellow brother?"
- The idea is that you feel all these emotions for your significant other, and the astounding part is that t's NOTHING compared to how God feels for you. I thought this was kind of neat, something I think we can all relate to...although the idea itself doesn't sit well with me and I just can't quite put my finger on it. My point is that you don't need be in a dating relationship to experience this love. Ideally, you should be able to every day and with every person you encounter.

3) That you exhibit God's love.
- This was a re-edited version of #2 to encompass #1 as well. Again, my same point - shouldn't you be able to do this with every person you encounter?

4) To explore the possibility of marriage
-It's not necessarily that every dating relationship with lead to marriage but that you shoudl go into it with the intentions of getting married. But see, a long, long time ago (even in the Bible) there was no marriage right? Everything was just arranged. And people still learned and grew to love each other. Why can't that happen nowadays?

So my question still remains - what is the purpose for dating? Please msg me your responses cuz I do want to know what you think! =)