EBAY
I bid (and won) my very first item! The object itself isn't too exciting, just a manual that seems to be popular among students & optometrists. I won the auction saving $25 from the bookstore cost and I'm still bitter cuz I could've gotten the book for less except ppl kept on bidding against me. I keep reminding myself that I already got a good deal - but the starting bid was $5!! I could've paid a total of $10 instead of $35 *pouts* I'm so cheap. Oh well...better than paying $60 =)
How safe are these things any way? My classmates seem to buy and sell things all the time, is my credit card safe? And what happens if my book isn't like they described...or worse, if it doesn't show up at all? The guy's got 100% feedback so I'm banking on his honesty. I'm mean, he's an ophthalmology student - it would be unethical!
I've decided to search online for all my books from now on. If only I can get my hands on a cheap copy of the Berkley's Board review...
12 BARS
So our class fundraiser, the annual ‘12 Bars’ pub crawl, occurred last night. I have to say that it went really well, much better than I expected. I love my class – everyone is so talented, pulls together & pitches in to help each other out. And they’re so enthusiastic!
Planning was crazy, particularly since I was thrown into the position near the end of first quarter. 2 of my classmates took charge of designing/selling T-shirts…it was a new idea to generate extra cash and it went superb. We ended up selling over 200! And attendance for the pub crawl was great too. I don’t have the final numbers yet but I’d say close to, if not over, 400 people. For a school of approx. 600 and with majority of the 4th years out on externships…it was more than the other rep and I predicted. We ended up going to a new area, right around Wrigley’s field (that’s the Cubs stadium) and thank goodness we had another classmate helping us out with bar selection. We also had people who volunteered the night before our test to help stuff mailboxes with wristbands & maps. I’m just so amazed – I honestly think we have the best class spirit in the school!
The crawl itself was good too. Only 1 place had lines due to capacity issues and most of the bars were right beside each other – which was great cuz it was snowing pretty heavily. Each place played a different musical genre & there was even bar with dueling pianos and batting cages. Oh, and guess what? I didn’t drink one drop of alcohol last night! Most of you know how bad it can get when I let loose, so I decided not to drink last night. I know it probably makes me sound like an alcoholic but I’ve never been out to bars and clubs without drinking; and being surrounded by it for 6 whole hours, I seriously thought it would’ve been very difficult for me. Thank God the temptation wasn’t there & that my friends were being really sweet about my choice. I had such a blast hanging out with everyone and dancing…all while being completely sober. It was a new experience but fun nonetheless.
All in all, I’d say the fundraiser was a success. Of course I’ll hear of all the stories on Monday…
As an aside: One of my classmates made the complaint that our test schedule is always made around our school events (eg. event on Saturday so test on Tuesday instead of Monday) and how most our event revolve around alcoholic beverages. It didn’t seem
1) right b/c it is someone’s decision to drink and they should takes the consequences of their actions (ie. if they have a hangover and can’t study on Sunday then they should accept the mark they get on Monday’s test)
2) appropriate b/c we are in a professional school. There shouldn’t be so much encouragement for mind-altering substances, especially when we are in a higher risk population for alcoholism due to stress.
More dilemmas of a class rep to come!
TRANSPARENCY
Just got back from my weekend retreat earlier today. Lots to think about during my stay there and I never did end up opening my pharm notes.
You know what’s a sucky feeling? Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and then having your fear reinforced afterwards.
It’s funny how we need to have our feelings validated. How when we act a certain way, we expect as certain response from those around. For example: if we tell a joke, we expect others to laugh. What happens when you don’t get the response you expected, a response that you were hoping for?
Does it mean that I shouldn’t have been as transparent or that I regret it? No. I believe that I need to be even more transparent. That so many times we put on this front, that everyone believes everything is okay and no longer bothers to ask – to care. If you’re doing A and B, then you’re on the right track and must be doing fine. If only! How many of the people we interact with on a weekly basis can we say that we honestly know? Know their thoughts, their direction, their hopes, their struggles. How many of the people in our lives do we care about that much? For me, not any. I have enough of my own things to deal with to carry your baggage as well. Now isn’t that a selfish thought? It not supposed to be this way. In a family, all the baggages are assumed – it no longer belongs to just one individual. Your burden becomes mine not for any other reason but because we love each other.
This weekend made me realize several things. I really do find value from other people’s affirmation and that’s not right. There should only be One that I look to because we are all humans and we are bound to fail one another. It’s not that I feel as though others failed me over the weekend. More so that I realized that I was looking in the wrong direction for a response. I see a need (and crave myself) for more genuine relationships around me. But this must begin with my most important relationship. Also, my eyes were opened to the fact that I actually judge other people and their actions a lot, especially when things don’t go MY way…the way I expected or I think that is “right”. Who am I to think these things? What do I know about what is appropriate and what is not? Once again, I am humbled by my own arrogance.
I’m grateful for this weekend and I obviously still have a lot of things to work through, but things are definitely becoming clearer again.
GOT TAGGED
Ok…since everyone’s busy studying or sleeping I guess I’ll blog. I really wish there wasn’t a time difference – I can’t ever talk on phone anymore cuz by the time I’m ready to crawl into bed and chat, everyone’s already asleep!
I’ve seen this going around and I’ve finally gotten tagged by Jeff, so here goes. 5 random things about me. I’ll go with a washroom theme:
1.
I like my toilet paper placed a certain way. I’m sure it sounds stupid and anal but my housemate in Waterloo actually voiced this concern…I knew then that we were meant to live together. When the roll is empty, I like to replace it with the paper coming in from the top. This prevents dirty hands from reaching underneath to search for the first sheet – it’s already on top, right where you can see it! =)
2.
I really don’t like the aerosol air fresheners. Granted, I think it’s really sweet that you think of others who may need to use the throne after you’ve sat on it for a decade but I don’t like how the seat gets sticky from the freshener droplets. Plus, we used to have one that left yellow marks…definitely not something you want to see on the toilet. Just turn on the fan or light a candle…or ten.
3.
Guys, leave the seat down when you’re done, especially when you know that a female will be using the washroom. It’s just courtesy. Think of it as opening the door for a lady. No woman wants to walk into a glass door…just like no woman wants to fall into the toilet bowl. It’s happened before and that’s why I’m giving you all a heads’ up! When you’re stumbling around after waking up in the middle of the night, no one wants to turn on the light and the LAST thing you would do is to check if the toilet see is down.
4.
I like washrooms, I always have. It’s been my little sanctuary at home; a place where I can read quietly and no one will disturb me. I don’t always sit on the can, sometimes I sit on the floor or in the tub. The washrooms are also where I usually visit when I go to a new restaurant. That’s actually one of the ways I judge a new restaurant – by how clean their washroom is and if there’s anything unique about it (ie. music choice, decorations). I think it’s cuz when I was really little, I wasn’t allowed to leave the table to play. So my only excuse to move from my seat was when I said I had to go to the washroom. As I grew older, I needed to escape from boring adult conversations during meals. So I would play with the soap and blow bubbles in public washrooms. Yes, this is what happens when you’re an only child. Besides, I’ve always had a small bladder so washrooms were necessary.
5.
It’s not exactly about washrooms but when I was younger; my grandmother would have be pee in a tofu bucket. Then she’d take my urine and pour it over the plants outside in our backyard. Has anyone else had an experience remotely similar to this??? Apparently it’s supposed to be a good fertilizer. I would’ve thought that it kills the plants because of the acidic nature. She said only kids’ urine would do when I asked her why she didn’t do it. See how obedient I am!
So the moral of this blog is to call Vanessa late at night so then she won’t write more embarrassing things about herself. Please!
My turn! Who hasn't received one of these things yet and hasn't blogged in a while? Ok, I tag...Steph, Iris, Tee, Dennis and Alex. Get to it people! =P
THAT SINKING FEELING
Okay…update needed since my exams are over, I had my break week & winter quarter has already started.
Hmm. I’ve been in a not-so-good place for the past week & a half. The place where you know you’ve done something bad but instead of facing up to it, you ignore it, even become apathetic towards it in hopes that it will just disappear. John Ortberg talks about "that sinking feeling" in his book. I'm there.
I’ve been trying to make amends. Taking the first steps. I think I’m still lacking the sincerity and humbleness. I haven’t cracked open The Book cuz I’m afraid of its conviction. I need to be completely broken and yet I’m scared to fall completely apart.
~"Something Beautiful" Jars of Clay
REFLECTION
I just got off the phone with my mom and can I just say how much my parents continue to astound me with their actions? Since my cousin took one of the cars back to Western, my aunt & uncle have one car to share with their other teenaged daughter. So my parents are now lending them their car every Mon. – Wed. Turns out that a lot of times, my dad drops my mom off at work in the morning and since my dad gets off earlier, he goes to buy groceries & prepares dinner while my mom takes the bus back home. Why? Cuz it saves money (gas is expensive) & it’s much easier for her to take the bus anyways instead of my dad making the trip to pick her up again.
How many of us would rather pay the extra money than to take the bus? And it’s not like they can’t afford it, I mean they’re supporting my education in the states; that not something everybody has the option to do. But my parents have always tried to save in areas that could be saved. It makes me look at my own life and where/how I spend my money. I must confess that I squander it away on self-indulgence.
Their marriage is one that I admire so much. There is so much giving from both parties and they always choose to look past each other’s weaknesses and just focus on each other’s strengths. And they work so well together as a team. If my dad cooks, my mom cleans. If my dad does the floors and dusting, my mom does the laundry & scrubbing. Every morning, they will wake up and make the bed together and every night they will read & pray together.
Not that they never had problems, but I have to say that seeing the changes in their marriage as a Christian couple was one of the most influential witnessing to me because I experienced it day in & day out. There was so much more peace in their relationship, a reason why they were together other than “well I married you and promised to spend the rest of my life with you”. It’s weird to think that there was a time when I was little that they were seriously contemplating divorce. If you’re interested, you should ask them to share their testimony some time. I’m sure they’d be more than happy to speak of some of their experiences. Their 26th wedding anniversary is coming up next week. It’ll be the first time that I won’t be there to celebrate with them since I was old enough to know what it means to include me.
Time and time again I look at my life and I wonder why it is that I am so blessed. I am so thankful for each day and I can’t help but wonder what am I being prepared for? “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more with be asked” ~Luke 12:48
My parents have so much, and yet they give without thinking twice. Why can’t I do the same? Learning to be unselfish sure is hard. I really need to remember: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart…” ~Job 1:21 The things that I have here are only temporary, the possessions, the respect, the time. I can’t take any of these things with me so why do I place such a high value on them?
I was reminded over the weekend as to why I follow Christ. It’s shouldn’t be because I’ve been given all these things – these gifts, these talents, the material wealth. It shouldn’t be because of opportunities presented to me just short of being miraculous, like getting into optometry. It even shouldn’t be because I have an eternal place in heaven.
It’s because I can gain intimacy with God through Jesus that I follow Him. And I think I’ve forgotten that. I’ve forgotten that the joy of christian relationship is not that He does something for me but that He IS something to me. I’ve forgotten that Jesus gave me more than all these blessings; He gave me Himself.
God, I want to know the joy, fulfillment and satisfaction of being with you.
JUST WHAT I NEEDED
Stole this from Iris' page...check it out, had a good laugh. In particular was the guy in the background playing video games & never turning around.
Ever had the feeling of a complete mental shutdown? I've experienced it twice already this past week. It's the most interesting sensation: I'm not tired or anything, it's just that mind becomes blank - utterly relaxed and devoid of any information. I flipped out the first time cuz it was while I was studying for pharm - I thought I lost everything that I studied. My roommate was quizzing me and things that I answered half an hour ago...I just sat there staring at her. Fortunately, it came back after an hour or so break.
The second time happened today, during my optometry final. Again, I was very fortunate cuz I had already finished the exam and was just going over my answers. So I just got up and left...figured it was my brain telling me it's had enough. Isn't crazy how our body sends us signals?
Ahh finals...I love finals week. Seriously. I'm not being sarcastic. It's amazing how much your can learn in such a short amount of time. It just makes me feel that going to classes are quite a waste of time. Besides, finals time are always more flexible. It's just study, eat, and sleep. I can plan my own schedule the way I want. Can't do that when there's lectures and labs to go to and assignments and papers to do. But still, between working and going to school...I'd choose school any day! Work is so routine, 9 to 5 every day. Not to say that my schedule isn't routine rite now...but at least I have a choice. I can choose to skip class. I can't choose to skip work, otherwise I'd be fired. It's so much more fun and relaxed at school. =) Maybe my thoughts will differ when I'm in 4th year. I doubt it though.
Okay...time for my meeting. Be back soon!
TRY THIS ONE ON FOR SIZE
New quiz!
Auditory : 42%
Vanessa, you possess an interesting balance of hemispheric and sensory characteristics, with a slight right-brain dominance and a slight preference for visual processing.
Since neither of these is completely centered, you lack the indecision and second-guessing associated with other patterns. You have a distinct preference for creativity and intuition with seemingly sufficient verbal skills to be able to translate in any meaningful way to yourself and others.
You tend to see things in "wholes" without surrendering the ability to attend to details. You can give them sufficient notice to be able to utitlize and incorporate them as part of an overall pattern.
In the same way, while you are active and process information simultaneously, you demonstrate a capacity for sequencing as well as reflection which allows for some "inner dialogue."
All in all, you are likely to be quite content with yourself and your style although at times it will not necessarily be appreciated by others. You have sufficient confidence to not second-guess yourself, but rather to use your critical faculties in a way that enhances, rather than limits, your creativity.
You can learn in either mode although far more efficiently within the visual mode. It is likely that in listening to conversations or lecture materials you simultaneously translate into pictures which enhance and elaborate on the meaning.
It is most likely that you will gravitate towards those endeavors which are predominantly visual but include some logic or structuring. You may either work particularly hard at cultivating your auditory skills or risk "missing out" on being able to efficiently process what you learn. Your own intuitive skills will at times interfere with your capacity to listen to others, which is something else you may need to take into account.
**If you have nothing better to do, I'd say see how they analyze each question after your down the quiz. I found it very interesting...Boy, I sure don't want to study!**
P.S. Remember when I mentioned that I saw Vanessa Rodrigues performing during the JazzFest in Montreal? I was reading old comments and she actually posted something! Whoa...crazy and cool! Now I REALLY have to be careful of what I say...there are actually ppl who read this blog that I don't know or never met. How weird is that? *laughs* That's the pot calling the kettle black cuz I know I do the same thing too. =P
TIME FOR ANOTHER QUIZ
My fav line: "You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. " HAHAHAHA. Gotta love that! Yeah, I really should be studying... |
INDESCRIBABLE
So I went to the service last night where Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman & Louie Gigli0 came to Willowcreek to celebrate it's 30th aniversary. For those of you who don't know, Willowcreek is this really huge church out in the boonies (Simon compared it to the Air Canada Center) that's had a really big impact around the world this past little while.
I had gone to visit when everyone came down for Thanksgiving and although the new auditorium wasn't filled on that Sunday, it certainly was filled last night. In fact, every seat in all the balconies were filled. To top it off, their "old" auditorium was filled; as well as the overflow room. It was nuts. I have never been in a place where SO MANY people gathered just to worship our God. It was a very humbling moment.
Have you ever had one of those moments? I get them once in a while on Sundays when I'm at service. I'll be sitting there and suddenly think of my parents, how they're probably at church too...and how many other churches are filled or how many other groups are coming together all around the world to pray to our Lord. How worthy is He! Just the thought fills me with awe. Doesn't it ever make you wonder why we get together? Doesn't it make you want understand who this God is that we worship? What is it about Him that draws so many people and changes so many lives?
I do. And I pray that as I continue to seek Him, that this desire will just burn deeper and stronger. They were saying last night that Willowcreek started out as a small youth group...God sure can do amazing things if we're willing to be used by Him.
EVEN MORE CONFUSED
I just found out I'm class rep. I'm shocked and pleased...but also very confused. Words of wisdom anyone? In need of more prayer.
TOPICS
#1. So I was doing my usual check-up on blogs and it seems as though no one's been updating recently other than Mike and Jolyn. What's up with that? But then I realized who am I to talk since I haven't been consistent either. My guess is that everyone's busy with midterms and living an exciting life...one that doesn't require the escape through blogging. It's coming down to the last 2 weeks for the quarter for me (ie. finals are closer than I care to imagine) so of course, I shall be slacking off and begin blogging again =)
#2. I did something last week that is completely out of character for me and I'm still trying to come to terms with my actions. I decided to run for the position of class rep. You guys know me: I care too much about what others think of me so I'm definitely not one to be involved with anything that requires voting (too many memories of being picked last for sports as a kid), especially when it's 150 of your classmates. I think everyone was surprised that I ran, even my close friends. It's like running for student council in high school - you normally know people, and even though I'm nice, I'm not exactly extroverted. Oh well, this is all besides the point. I ran cuz I care about my classmates and thought that I would do the job well. Is it what I'm suppose to do? I don't think so. It's weird, I ran but I don't think I'm suppose to be class rep. And here's where coming to terms with my actions takes place. I think I've seriously messed things up cuz I tried to take things into my own hands again, doing what I thought was right and good. Above all else, Thy will be done. Is is wrong to still be happy about doing something even though it wasn't what you're suppose to do? I'm glad I submitted my name and said my speech. I'm glad I got the chance share my thoughts with my classmates and friends. Most of all, I'm glad that I faced my fear head-on...not that it's still not there but I didn't run away and hide from it. Is that good or bad? What is the purpose of fear? Is there a time when you should listen to fear (other than in life-threatening situations)?
#3. What do you guys think about meeting someone on-line? It seems to be more common down here in the states, at least at this school...I've heard it at least twice now. I've always been skeptical about it, probably cuz I used to pretend to be different of ppl in chat rooms when I was younger. I know - I'm terrible. But the conversation came up and the reasoning behind it was that you're in school all the time (and our school is small) so you don't really get a chance to meet other people. Which started to make me wonder...how do you meet people once you've graduated? I look at some of my single friends in Chicago, and I realized that it's true...they all just hang out with each other. So the only time there are changes in dynamics is if someone new joins the group - in which case, they'd be "fresh meat". I know a lot of times it's through your friends, but what if you've met their friends already or there is none? Even in those cases, I wouldn't have thought to go on-line but it seems to be working out for them so far - maybe it'll be a possibility in the future(?) *laughs* I don't know why, but I have this bad connotation that finding someone on-line is something that you do when you're not attractive and desperate. And it's totally not true! My classmates could totally find someone to date through the "traditional" means if they wanted to, it just so happened that they went through the internet instead. So now my old roommate is trying to get me to find someone online but...
#4. ...I'm actually perfectly happy where I am right now. It's odd cuz back in high school, I've always been the type of person who wanted to date and wasn't satisfied unless there was someone to obsess over. Now, I look at all these people around me who are in relationships and I thank God that I'm not. That's horrible isn't it? I should be thankful just in and of itself, not by comparison. To see people so focused on their significant others or to see them in pain and suffering...and I'm grateful that I'm not in their position. Doesn't that sound so pretentious? It's so selfish of me to think so but I can't help it. Not to say that I'm not moved when to see some of my friends so thoughtful and soo in love and that I don't sympathize when see my other friends going through their struggles...I am and I do! But in the end, I look at all of the emotional rollercoaster that's involved and I think that there are better ways I want to spend my energy. So yeah...I guess that just means I'm not ready for a romatic relationship yet! *grin* My roommate, the one I mentioned above, thinks that I'm just scared and that I need to get out cuz otherwise I'd get rusty. It's possible that I'm scared...at times I think might be, but is it possible to be rusty? I mean, isn't it just like hanging out with someone and getting to know them better? I assume that's how all relationships are approached and as long as you maintain your friendships, you shouldn't be rusty right?
That's a wrap of topics discussed when we really should've been studying for the pharm test that we had today...maybe then I could've done better!
BTW, I got my first piece of mail today that was addressed to Dr. Vanessa Wong. Doesn't that look weird?!! Obviously they didn't realize that I haven't graduated yet but I completely forgot that this will be how I am addressed after I'm done school. There's a big "whoa..."
OVERWHELMED WITH LOVE
So I was sitting at dinner on Friday night surrounded by family & friends and couldn’t help but start tearing up when I realized just how loved I am. It’s weird cuz only recently, I started having doubts about a lot of things in terms of my relationships with people and here was God blatantly reminding me that He is always at work. Praise God for His continuous faithfulness even when I lose faith. Cam, Irene and Simon came down with my parents this year to visit me and tour Chicago. Their attempted surprise didn’t go as planned since I walked up to the car that they were hiding in while looking for my parents but it was still exciting. I have the most awesome friends! And of course, my parents…whatever will I do without them? They would go to the ends of the earth just to see me.
So we went to Joy Yee’s on Friday after dropping off the bags. It’s the best Chinese food in Chinatown that I’ve had and everyone that I’ve brought there so far agrees with me. I think it’s the fresh fruit drinks that tips the balance. Afterwards, stayed up late chatting of course even though it was a long day for everyone.
Saturday morning, we left to go outlet shopping and I got my birthday present – a cell phone!! Finally, at the age of 23, I have my own cell…I know it takes me a while to follow trends (personal cell phones became popular in high school right?) but I’ve arrived to the 21st century =). I also got a new jacket as a birthday present (my mom said the phone wasn’t a real birthday gift cuz it’s also for emergencies…I’m willing to believe it although I know it’s just an excuse for my parents to spoil me). I splurged on a new wallet – it was more expensive than the one I currently have (granted I got it for 10 bucks at an Esprit outlet when I was in grade 8) but I figured since my old one lasted for so long...this will be another one of those “investment” deals. We went to Maggiano’s for dinner...the most “bang for the buck” I’ve had in terms of fine dining. Granted the wait was 1 and 1/2 hrs long but it was definitely well worth it! I have so much leftovers in my fridge right now - my meals are sooo set for the next few days. After being stuffed silly, we ended up just hanging out in my room while slowly digesting our food. It’s so much fun just to sit around and chat with friends back at home...everyone should come down for a visit!! *grin* I know, I know...now I'm just being greedy.
Sunday morning, we woke up early to go to Willowcreek for service. I haven’t been there since my interview and they’ve totally renovated the place since then. It’s so huge! But the sermon was as impactful as the last time I went. God is doing some crazy things with that place. I kind of want to go there again – apparently they’re having a worship concert with Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and some others, just for people who go to their services. Too bad I don’t have a car. After church, we went to Giordano’s for Chicago’s famous deep-dish pizza. In my opinion, still not comparable to our dinner from the night before but I guess it’s like comparing apples and oranges. We had a hard time finding unblocked roads since the Chicago Marathon was happening. We ended up parking a few blocks away down by the University of Illinois – Chicago and walked instead. It was so cool cuz I actually saw someone I knew running - Gooo Manlee! What are the odds of that in a marathon this big?! After lunch we did the tourist thing, going to see Buckingham Fountain, the big silver bean and walking around Millenium Park. Today was the perfect weather. And then we had to say our goodbyes after which I totally crashed for 2 hrs.
That pretty much sums up my fun-filled weekend. Thanks again for coming down guys - I really appreciate it! Now back to reality…
SOMETHING'S UP, BUT WHAT?
Sorry guys...I finally had a long enough break over the weekend to blog and I didn't. Honestly, I wasn't that I didn't want t...I just lost what I had to share. It was rough at school last week so I seemed to have lost my focus a bit. So of course, I do my other extreme and had a fun/no work all weekend splurge. This does nothing but add to my lack of focus cuz now I can't get back into study mode either.
I know I don't normally list out what I did (cuz I think it's boring) but I feel like I should blog and I'm not right enough in the head to sort out my most recent thoughts:
I miss late nite conversations (in person or on the phone). It seems as though I've got this mindset that school is important and I should get enough sleep for classes. What is THAT all about? I never thought that a day in my life until I got here.
I saw Wicked on friday. It's an awesome show and I recommend it to everyone. I have forgotten how much I love watching musicals. I really should go to more. I'm excited for RENT to come out in theatres. Reminds me of high school and Tee. After the musical, I went out to a club with some first years. I enjoy dancing and they were playing good songs but it also felt weird. I don't know how else to describe it. As much as I like to dance, I think I've moved away from the club scene. Maybe I'll pick up line dancing instead.
Ever get that nagging feeling like something's wrong but you don't know what? Or you have an inkling of what may be wrong but don't know how to approach it so you just pretend it's not there and hopefully it'll go away?
I had another bad dream last nite. It's been a while since I've had one but this was particularly creepy. I dreamt that there was this little boy who found a skeletal remains of an older boy cemented into the sidewalk. At the urging of these two winged things, he took a big axe and was trying to shatter the skull but it only broke off into smaller chucks. His mentality was that the older boy was evil and he had to destroy it. The older boy really was evil but the little boy was also becoming evil because he followed through with the persuasions of the winged demons. It was like the skeletal remains were possessed and controlling those winged thingys. The worse part is that I can still picture how the remains are cemented in even as I type this.
Yeah...I don't know why I dreamt that. I was not watching or reading anything remotely related to this last night or any other night (I guess the winged demons could be similar to the flying monkeys in the musical). So yes, any suggestions on how to stop me from having bad dreams would be greatly appreciated.
ANOTHER QUICKIE:
So much to share, but not enough time. Been doing a lot of half-posts but have yet a chance to actually complete my thoughts. Here's a glimpse until I can:
-relationships
-love, sacrifice and pain
-shamefulness of being ashamed
-priorities
-pride vs. humbleness
Many a tear but finding joy amidst it all...
~V
QUIZ TIME AGAIN!
You scored as Nice.
BTW, Steph posted up our Hawaii pics. Go here to check it out =) |
INDULGING THE "ARTSY" SIDE
It all started with watching the season premiere of House M.D. (great show btw, it's so much fun when you can actually apply stuff you learned in class). I heard a song at the end of the show that sounded familiar. Turns out it's a song originally by Leonard Cohen called "Hallelujah". So decided to check out his site to see if I could find a sample...ended up reading his chat transcript. A lot of his work seems to stem from various religious sources.
When asked about what Christ meant to him, his answer:
"Was looking at the crucifix. Got something in my eye.
A Light that doesn't need to live and doesn't need to die.
What's written in the Book of Love is strangely incomplete, 'til witnessed here in time and blood a thousand kisses deep."
Isn't that pretty? He's not Christian, at least not to my knowledge and some of his works seem the complete opposite, but regardless...I find it fascinating. Apparently he's a Canadian singer-songwriter-poet. I'm reading his stuff now and suddenly, I want to read more works of poets I liked in high school.
Here's are 2 of his poems: (I like them cuz they're easy-reads)
NEVERMIND
The war was lost
The treaty signed
I was not caught
I crossed the line
I had to leave
My life behind
I had a name
But never mind
Your victory
Was so complete
That some among you
Thought to keep
A record of
Our little lives
The clothes we wore
Our pots our knives
The games of luck
Our soldiers played
The stones we cut
The songs we made
Our law of peace
Which understands
A husband leads
A wife commands
And all of this
Expressions of
The High Indifference
Some call Love
The High Indifference
Some call Fate
But we had Names
More intimate
Names so deep
and Names so true
They're lost to me
And dead to you
There is no need
That this surviveT
here's truth that lives
And truth that dies
There's truth that lives
And truth that dies
I don't know which
So never mind
I could not kill
The way you kill
I could not hate
I tried I failed
No man can see
The vast design
Or who will be
Last of his kind
The story's told
With facts and lies
You own the world
So never mind
WHEN I WENT OUT
When I went out to tell her
The love that can't be told
She hid in themes of marble
And deep reliefs of gold
When I caught her in the flesh
And floated on her hips
Her bosom was a fishing net
To harvest infant lips
A soft dismissal in her gaze
And I was more than free
But took a while to undertake
My full transparency
Ages since I went to look
Or she would think to hide
Torn the cover torn the book
The stories all untied
But someone made of thread and mist
Attends her every grace
Sees more beauty than I did
When I was in his place
Why have I never heard of this man before?? Where have I been? Come to think of it, I don't think I know a lot of Canadian artists in general...now I feel ignorant.
for more of his works, check out http://www.leonardcohenfiles.com/
*edit: I just found out that the song was from Shrek...so THAT'S why it sounded so familiar!*
FILL IN THE BLANK HERE
Boy…I soo don’t want to study, that I’m going to blogging about randomness. I KNOW I should considering I have my first test of the school year this coming Wednesday but alas, when have I chosen to study prior to it being the last minute?
So I’ve been amazingly busy this past week but in a fun kind of way. I would go to classes in the morning; have labs, work or study in the afternoons and would do something active and fun the evenings. I’ve gone to volleyball on Tuesday AND Thursday this week…as well as learning how to play tennis on Wednesday. It’s amazing…all of a sudden, I’ve discovered sports! This summer was softball and now that I’m back in Chicago, I’m starting to really like volleyball.
The church that I go to here had its annual Labour Day tournament. There are churches from all over, like St. Louis, Detroit and Milwaukee, that come to play basketball and volleyball. So my small group played the lower division. I think majority of the group could have actually played middle division fine but of course with me on the team…*laughs* Anyway, I had a blast and actually was pretty decent when it counted. We ended up winning first and never lost any of our games. This must be my lucky year…both softball and volleyball teams that I’ve played with ended up in the finals! I think God’s trying to encourage me to be more active and less of a couch potato =)
On a completely different topic, have you ever wondered what kind of impression you give others? I have and for some reason, I had 2 people, on 2 different occasions, tell me theirs today – weird. So one said that I looked smart. How do you look smart? I’ve been wearing my glasses more around school cuz we have to do eye exams on each other; does that help? But I wasn’t wearing my glasses today. It’s odd that I would give people this impression because out of my friends, I’m probably one of the least smart. Honestly, I’m not trying to be humble or anything. I’m just thinking about all my friends that I’ve had. In elementary school, you guys were all the ones that were gifties; that had a certain way of thinking things. Same with high school. In undergrad, I was the average student. I don’t know what it is that gives people this impression. Not to say that I don’t like it. *laughs* It’s just hard to believe…maybe cuz I always grew up with my mom telling me that I was like her, not smart but needed to work hard. Some of you will remember my silly little quote on the whiteboard of my old house.
The second “impression” that I gave off was that I went to a private school. I know it’s odd, but this totally rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it’s because I hung out with a lot of people from private schools as a kid going to my piano teacher and I just have a bad association. It’s interesting how which school you go to, what your parents do, what kind of car you drive, where you live…can mean so much to some people. Mind you I’m not talking about the kids; with the kids, we generally got along and play together. But it did seem to me that there’s a certain snobbery with them…not necessarily intentional; just a type of oblivion to differences in lifestyles. Not to say that I haven’t judge others either or said the wrong things without thinking…*sigh* Forget it, I’ve lost my train of thought and my momentum. I will blog more about this another time…I want to procrastinate some more now by watching a movie.
MAJOR UPDATE
Ok…now that I’m back in Chicago, I get to choose between updating or studying; guess which one I chose?
So since the last time I updated, a lot has happened
I stopped going to Sanctuary for the drop-ins on Thursday nights. I think I got scared by all the challenges that were being placed in front of me and also very confused between what was right, what was good and what was safe. Needless to say, I spent a large part of my summer feeling guilty for quitting, especially since it seemed like I had let God down. Praise God for His love and for surrounding me with such great brothers - who just let me cry and whose encouraging words reminded me that God’s not done with me quite yet. It gives me hope and I’m ready for a new start and a new school year.
I read a lot of books other the summer, not very many I would recommend to anyone. I find that most novels for adults are so predictable that I often forget the storylines now. It’s so bad because I actually started reading this one book only to realize that I read it before...I guess the back cover made it more interesting than it really was for me to forget the title. The only one I would suggest is the 6th Harry Potter. There is something about children’s books that I love…I think it’s the creativity. I could stay at the 4th grade reading level and be completely content. Remember Robert Munsch, Ronald Dahl, Encyclopedia Brown, Gordon Korman? *sigh* Those there the days.
I had joined an elective course from my school over the summer to observe an optometrist in practice. It was an eye-opening experience (haha…sorry for the pun) and made me appreciate how difficult it is to really open up your own practice. I guess I never realized just how much effort was required. I admire all those doctors with their own practices so much more for their perseverance. I got to learn a lot from the doctor that I observed and also by comparing this practice with the one that I worked at. It’s interesting to see what works and what doesn’t work; and just the difference in specialized patient groups and general atmosphere. However, this being me after all, I decided that learning all this stuff was enough and that doing assignments were just waay too much effort for a credit that didn’t need in anyway. So basically, I went through the entire manual but dropped the course once I got back to Chicago.
I also went to Hawaii with Steph right before I left for Chicago. I had an awesome time. I won’t go into too much detail but I will say that if you ever get a chance to you, you MUST go to Pearl Harbour and the Polynesian Cultural Centre. The memorial was very moving, especially when you read the survivors’ accounts of what they experienced. When you think about it, a lot to the men who died were around our age or even younger. It’s crazy when you think about their sacrifice and the fear they must have felt. I regret not getting the audio tour along with it…I was too cheap to pay 5 bucks – but this gives me an excuse to go back again! The PCC was breathtakingly beautiful and all the shows and guides were very entertaining. It’s very expensive but worth it…my other regret is not being able to go to all the different demonstations and talking to the students who work there to learn more about their cultures. If you want a better idea of what we did that week go to Steph’s blog. It’s all true except for the renting surfboards incident; you can read her comments to hear my side. She should have pictures up soon. I don’t really know how to add pictures on but I’ll try a couple.
Before I left for Hawaii I got a chance to meet up with a ton of people. God really does answer prayers. After almost 4 years, a broken friendship is finally starting to heal. I thank Him for teaching me patience and to trust in His timing. I am so incredibly blessed to have so many friends, old and new, who were willing to spend time together. I hope that we will be able to continue share with one another where we are at and to encourage one another to be where we ought to be. And to those I didn't get a chance to get together with before I left, we WILL the next time I'm in town (ie. November - Tee & Dennis!)
Being back in Chicago is great, especially during orientation week. I had so much fun getting to know the incoming first years and spending time hanging out with my small group. I’m trying to do my own version of a caring ministry here just being a friend/mentor to those just starting. I know I sure could’ve used sometime like that. We’ll see how things go once school starts to pick up…I think I’ve put too much on my plate again thinking that I can handle everything and in the end accomplishing nothing. My mom says that I should change my “list of goals” to “list of dreams” since goals are dreams without any action. I find that I go into short spurts of action and that I burn out easily. I’m leading my first bible study tomorrow night. Feeling nervous and unprepared.
“All I have is yours…”
Trying to remind myself that my heart and mind must be in the right place above else. Here goes…
WHAT MEN WISH WOMEN KNEW
I know, I know...I'm hardly the expert on this topic. The pastor and his wife did a 2-week series (this one being the sequel to "what women wish men knew") a while back, with the idea that better relationships can be built through understanding our differences. Since I missed the one that was applicable to me, I decided to borrow a copy and listen to it on the way to work this morning. It starts off with a video that interviews men of all ages at our church - from the teenagers to the uncles.
“When women share, they share their heart, their soul, and often times their life story. Everything. But when a guy shares something, they’re just sharing information. That’s all we really use language for – to convey the message, to get from point A to point B. What we really care about is action. You really have to put your money where your mouth is kind of deal”
HA! The women part is so true, could it be that it's because we relate to others through our emotions? Is this really how guys' relate to each other? That there's not much emotion involved?
“I wish girls knew how hard it is for guys to ask them out”
After seeing what guys go through...I honestly feel for you. Not that we're going to make it any easier, but we empathize. *grin*
“I wish girls knew that...guys have feelings too”
Hmm, maybe it's because the rare time guys show emotion, it's to yell at the television, punch the wall or kick the garbage can. Tears can go a long way you know.
“Guys are actually, without their pride, they are really weak. Just take away their pride, and they’re almost like children. And they also need help, despite their machoness and manliness…yeah, without their pride, it’s different”
Yup, I'd love to see how guys are without pride. But I think girls struggle with pride too, I definitely do. I wonder how male and female pride differ.
“Guys are really, really simple. We’re not hard to figure out. When we say something, we mean it. That’s the bottom line. We’re not trying to lie to you, or get another response, or beat around the bush. When we say something, it’s straight up. That’s it, there’s no guess work behind it…. I know sometimes girls do it, they might say one thing…”
I think this is one big difference between men and women. Women hint a lot and expect the men to 'get it' while the men are still scratching their heads wondering what's going on. Another thing guys have to realize is that a lot of times, women say things without thinking. We don't necessarily mean it, or we may mean it but just haven't thought it through completely yet.
“First thing, when a guy says 'I’m thinking about nothing', chances are they really aren’t thinking of anything. Secondly, guys can be emotional, so it’s ok. Thirdly, apparently for every 2 words that a girl says, a guy says 1. So when you’re talking to a guy and they’re not very responsive it doesn’t mean that they don’t like you or they don’t want to be around you, sometimes it just means that they’ve said all their words for the day.”
I think this whole quote (except for the emotional part) just throws me off. This part of men is something that I completely DO NOT understand. Must be one of those fundamental differences...
“As prideful as we are, we still want you to challenge us”
That's tough. We want to challenge you but bear in mind that your egos are often tremmendously big and extremely fragile. Guess that's where learning how to be gentle comes in...
“Sometimes, I just want you to love me. Sometimes, I just want you to make me a good sandwich.”
Best quote ever.
I haven't finished with the CD yet so...I'll be like a guy and have no more thoughts.
MONTREAL
What an experience! I had the opportunity to study males & their natural habits when I went to Montreal for the weekend with 8 guys. Needless to say, I was the odd one out but here are some things I learnt about the opposite gender:
-cars catch their attention like no other. We happened to see 7 or 8 Ferrari’s, 1 Mazerotti, 3 motocycles, (2 yamaha and 1 BMW), 1 convertible Mini and a bunch that I can’t remember. It was funny to watch their reactions and turning heads…the commercial with the boyfriend getting in trouble with checking out a girl passing by when he was really looking at the car is so true!
-food is a big topic. I’ve never seen guys get so excited about anything. I guess I never fully realized how right the little saying is: “The best way to a man is through his stomach”. Mind you, his stomach happens to be a very disgusting place. I spent the weekend eating like a man and feel disgusted by the weight gain is excess fat. I’ve decided that Montreal is like the Canadian version of Vegas – gluttony is ever so present! We went to Swartz’s twice; ordering the fatty smoked meat both times. Breakfast for half the guys was sausage, bacon, ham with eggs. Dinner was poutine and burgers and McDonald’s was our midnight snack. I myself had a helping of timbits and ice creams to add to this list. *shudder*
-guys can spend a lot of time talking about hair. Leg hair, arm hair, facial hair. This topic came up 2-3 times this weekend. Is this supposed to be a sign of masculinity?
-It’s possible to get 8 guys out of the house in half an hour when only sharing 1 bathroom. This absolutely astounds me considering the amount of time I spend getting ready in the mornings.
-Guys sweat a lot.
-They are also quite comfortable living in dirtiness.
-Their competitive and aggressive nature can show themselves in a simple card game.
For all their differences, they really are a sweet bunch. I got my own private room and the ONLY bed in the apartment while they all crashed on the floor. There were no complaints with my constant napping at and between every destination. They let me win both times we played Bang. I even got sympathy for my cramped calves that lasted the entire trip due to my stupidity in walking up a hill in heels (In my defense however, we went to the House of Jazz so I had an excuse to dress up!)
My personal highlights:
-watching Vanessa Rodrigues at the jazz festival. As Jon said, that one performance made Montreal worthwhile. I don’t listen to much jazz but it was the first time I had ever heard organ and turntables being used and it was awesome. Of course, DJ killa-jewel was female and pretty which made it doubly-fun to watch.
-the car ride back to Toronto. The conversations were hilarious and brought me to tears while being stuck between Jeff and Andrew can be the worst and best place to be.
All in all, I had an amazing time and would do it again in a heartbeat. It’s interesting to see what it would’ve been like to not have been an only child but to have brothers. I realized that regardless of their age, I would’ve still been picked on, teased and tormented! *grin* …Not to mentioned totally cared for and protected.
Of course, when my dad found out that I was the only female, his sole comment was: “If I had known, I would’ve told you not to go. All guys are the same.” *laughs* I love my dad and how in his eyes, no one will ever be good enough for me.
LOVE HURTS
Today I realized that the longer I stayed with Sanctuary, the more I got involved, the more involved things will get. I know that to love someone means to love until it hurts but God was never so obvious in challenging me with this until tonight.
I spent time with M**** today. It was very different from last week. No mischievous gleam in his eye, no friendly banter. I felt as though he was so tired, he wasn’t going to put up a front; as though he was saying “this is how I am, this is how it is”.
His arm and hand was horribly swollen, as if someone decided to pump a jugful of water. The doctors don’t know what’s wrong yet but they’re giving him a buffet of things to take. I could see marks on his hand where the skin was being stretched beyond what it’s used to. It’s me Vanessa. Will you still love me when I’m disfigured?
He didn’t bother hiding his beer from me, just tucking it out of sight from anyone who may complain about his consumption in public. He also began to share with me his drinking habits. It’s me Vanessa. Will you still love me when I’m deliberately doing things to destroy myself?
His breath smelled of alcohol. His teeth was worst than last time. His clothes seemed more soiled. He brought me back to his place, and the stench of bleach attempting to mask other odors overwhelmed me. He told me of how the carpet was infested with mites and of the sounds you hear when you squish one. It’s me Vanessa. Will you still love me when I am dirty?
We sat on a bench. I noticed for the first time that his nose was runny, dripping onto his vest. His jean shorts had holes. His shoes where beyond worn. Socks that he only wore for 3 hrs were black on the sole. He took them off and went barefoot. I felt like I was really seeing him for the first time as others would see him - “a bum”. It’s me Vanessa. Will you still love me?
I remember how Greg mentioned in his book not only being Jesus but SEEING Jesus. The moment I tried to see Jesus was the moment I felt Jesus say to me, “You said you loved me, but I am like this – will you still love me?”
God, it hurts! It hurts to see someone like this. Someone who you felt you connected to and knew a little bit about, only to realize there was a whole other life that you are just beginning to see.
Most of all, it hurts to know that I couldn’t love wholeheartedly – that it was easier to hug someone you barely knew anything about last week than it was this week, once you see a different side of them. It hurts because I had hesitated before giving that same hug.
It hurts when who you really are is revealed in a moment’s delay.
Brings a whole new meaning to the term “Love hurts”.
CURRENT THOUGHTS
I realize that it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. Many different thoughts swarm my mind, all of which I’m trying to grasp and process:
1. There’s been so much talk of community recently. I feel drawn to its power and yet the same time, disgusted by its frequent use. I believe that a community is more than just a group of people living in the same geographical area or being of similar socialeconomical/ethnic background, merely sharing similar interests. As Alan from Sanctuary describes “it’s a network of relationships” and I think that’s the keyword that is often lacking in our so-called communities – RELATIONSHIPS.
2. What does it mean to have a relationship with someone? It’s having a connection with someone not based on hobbies or personal gain but a connection that’s founded in love; the deep type of love where you have their sole interest at heart. I think we’ve all had liaisons which are formed due to convenience…classmates or coworkers that we hang out with and share daily happenings. However, these encounters rarely go beyond the surface to become relationships. How many in your past group of classmates or coworkers would you actually turn to in your time of need? How many do you actually keep in touch with on a regular basis, instead of the occasional e-mail and get-together?
3. The weird part is that we are such relational creatures. We yearn for a deeper interaction and yet, are unwilling to put in the time and effort to create these connections. Again and again, we’d rather settle for meritocracy. Perhaps it’s because we’re so use to being in an environment where success is based on efficiency. “Time is money” is our mantra. What is the most you can do in the least amount of time? How can we get ‘the most bang for our buck’ so to speak? As Alan reiterated, relationships are inefficient. You could spend 6 hours with someone and not learn anything new. The more I think about it, the more I realize our value system is so terribly skewed. It’s hard to explain all this to people sometimes.
4. I’ve been told on 2 different occasions this weekend that I’ve changed. Auntie Belinda said that I think too much, that it’ll be difficult for me to go through life because I’m always so serious. That I’ve gotten quiet. That it’s not a crime to be happy and joke around. That I should be concerned about taking care of myself - my face, my hair, my body, my clothes. Vivek said that I’m all grown-up. Gary and I barely talk.
Is it a bad thing to change? I realize that I don’t laugh nearly as much as I used to but things that I once found funny no longer amuse me. Things done in a drunken stupor are not tales of glory anymore. I’ve also began to realize that talking about others merely reflect my own insecurities. And rather then make a joke of them, I’d rather examine myself.
While people seem to think that I’m getting older, I feel as though I’m a real kid for the first time. I’m realizing just how small I really am and just how much I really don’t know. It’s exciting, as though I’m finally looking at the world with my own eyes instead of being oblivious to all that’s around me. And frankly, it’s more exciting that finding out a new fad to remove an unsightly pimple. If questioning what we value as important and being in awe the immensity of the universe makes me serious than so be it.
5. Uncle Ray and my mother have both been harboring on my love life, or lack thereof. My mother has been more indirect – only stating her concern with my recent choices of books with the word ‘singleness’ in the title. *laughs* Uncle Ray on the other hand, asked straight up where all the guys were and why they were not breaking down my door. How to explain to an uncle who believes that you should always have a string of men ready at hand? I tried to explain the mentality of males who are in my stage of life versus my 16 year-old cousin’s but I have an inkling he’s disappointed that I’m not trying hard enough to snag a couple good catches.
6. On the topic of family, let’s see what else…Oh! The need to compare to a sibling. The hurt that results from a lack of attention. The unshared responsibilities of taking care of aging parents. All of these cause years of bitterness and pain that only serve to drive family members further apart from each other. I have more feelings than words right now on this particular issue. Maybe once I sort things out a little more I will blog again on this.
That’s all for now. I actually have a ton more to share but it’s getting late and I have a fly out to Vancouver tomorrow.
BLOGS
Ever wonder who reads your blogs? Well, I read them. Rarely do I go a day without checking at least one site. Most of the time, I start reading and the next thing I know, an hour has gone by. Is this bad? I have a friend who believes it's a waste of time...that more productive things could be done instead of sitting in front of a computer screen. To a certain level, I have to agree. I could be doing my part to change the world! But if you compare the amount of time I spend reading blogs to some people watching t.v. shows and other people playing video games; I'd like to think of mine as being slightly more beneficial.
I enjoy reading what others have to say, what's been going on in their lives and what thoughts go through their heads. Mainly because I find that a lot of times there are things that go on that aren't spoken when we meet. Perhaps most people find it easier to write things down then it is to speak up, particularly since there's no immediate reaction from the audience that you're forced to witness and endure.
Then there are pages that belong to friends of friends. I'm not some creep/stalker (at least I hope I'm not coming off that way...) These are merely people whose names I've heard mentioned by my friends on occasion or whom I may have met only once or twice in passing. It's actually these sites that I find the most interesting. Not so much as to what's going on in their lives since I don't know them very well. What I find interesting is how they are able to see things from a completely different perspective. A lot of times I find that the image I have of these people from what my friends tell me or from what I gathered from briefly meeting them are slightly/very different from the person they portray in their writings. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't a person the most honest in their writings?
Anyway, the reason I brought this up was because I came across the blogs of two different women, who just by blogging about their random days to their friends , have inadvertently made an impact on my life. In their daily struggles I admire their strength, their insight and just how their faithfulness shines through.
How awesome would it be if someone could be challenged or encouraged every time they read my blog?
MORE ON-LINE QUIZZES!
I spent last nite with some friends doing on-line quizzes...there was one that I was intrigued with so I decided to take a slightly more detailed one. It's the Meyer-Briggs personality test. Here are the results:
Your Type is ESFJ
Extroverted/Sensing/ Feeling/ Judging
You are:
-slightly expressed extrovert
-moderately expressed sensing personality
-distinctively expressed feeling personality
-moderately expressed judging personality
Guardians of birthdays, holidays and celebrations, ESFJs are generous entertainers. They enjoy and joyfully observe traditions and are liberal in giving, especially where custom prescribes.
*Hmm...I always thought of myself as cheap*
All else being equal, ESFJs enjoy being in charge. They see problems clearly and delegate easily, work hard and play with zest. ESFJs, as do most SJs, bear strong allegiance to rights of seniority. They willingly provide service (which embodies life's meaning) and expect the same from others. *I'm controlling? Never!*
ESFJs are easily wounded. And when wounded, their emotions will not be contained. They by nature "wear their hearts on their sleeves," often exuding warmth and bonhomie, but not infrequently boiling over with the vexation of their souls. Some ESFJs channel these vibrant emotions into moving dramatic performances on stage and screen.
*I'm emotional? Who would've thought!*
Strong, contradictory forces consume the ESFJ. Their sense of right and wrong wrestles with an overwhelming rescuing, 'mothering' drive. This sometimes results in swift, immediate action taken upon a transgressor, followed by stern reprimand; ultimately, however, the prodigal is wrested from the gallows of their folly, just as the noose tightens and all hope is lost, by the very executioner!
*I'm ruthless yet forgiving?? ...better watch your back!*
An ESFJ at odds with self is a remarkable sight. When a decision must be made, especially one involving the risk of conflict (abhorrent to ESFJs), there ensues an in-house wrestling match between the aforementioned black-and-white Values and the Nemesis of Discord. The contender pits self against self, once firmly deciding with the Right, then switching to Prudence to forestall hostilities, countered by unswerving Values, ad exhaustium, winner take all.
*What? No clue what this was talking about...*
As caretakers, ESFJs sense danger all around--germs within, the elements without, unscrupulous malefactors, insidious character flaws. The world is a dangerous place, not to be trusted. Not that the ESFJ is paranoid; 'hyper-vigilant' would be more precise. And thus they serve excellently as protectors, outstanding in fields such as medical care and elementary education.
*At least they got my top 2 career choices right!*
Famous ESFJs:
Bill Clinton
Mary Tyler Moore
Dixie Carter (Designing Women)
Sally Field
Danny Glover, actor (Lethal Weapon movies, Predator 2)
Nancy Kerrigan (U.S. olympic figureskater)
Elvis Stojko (Canadian olympic figureskater)
Fictional ESFJs:
Monica (Friends)
Donald Duck
Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh
Babbitt (Sinclair Lewis)
Leonard "Bones" McCoy (Star Trek)
Haleh (ER)
I don't know know how much I'd agree with it. You guys all know me to a certain degree...Let me know what you think!
ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES
Just went to a presentation for Canadian students to discuss our options after grad. Many thoughts cloud my mind:
-how important is scope of practice to me?
-go into residency or work?
-If work: corporate practice, private practice or academia?
-Most importantly: stay in the States or go back to Canada?
I'm am fortunate to have so many opportunities and yet...
...anxiety.
....fear of the unknown.
What's happened? Why am I no longer excited? When did I start losing the desire to try new things? to learn? to strive for more?
When did I start to settle?
I need to retreat...a time to re-energize. To refocus on why I am WHERE I am. And WHO I am.
"Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do." ~Pope John XXIII
I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING THIS SUMMER!
I need to be still...listen.
Earnestly.
And remember....It's not about me.
1. PHONE CONVERSATIONS...
I was just thinking recently how it's been a long time since I've spent hours on the phone with a friend talking about anything and everything. I'd say the last time was probably in high school...well, maybe once or twice in university. But nowhere as frequent as in high school. I remember even falling asleep on the phone several times!
Anyway, I got to spend some phone-time with my very good friend Jeff last night. It was sooo much fun and reminded me a lot of when we used to talk in Waterloo as an excuse to procrastinate from studying...some things never change! *grin*
So take this as a hint people: I miss talking to you! I know majority of you are studying for exams but if ever you need an excuse to take a break...I'm still in school for another month =)
2. QUIZ TIME!
| Your dating personality profile: Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you. Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. | Your date match profile: Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Traditional - You need someone who is a bit old-fashioned. A person with traditional values and beliefs will perfectly compliment your lifestyle. Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. |
Your Top Ten Traits 1. Religious 2. Athletic 3. Big-Hearted 4. Wealthy/Ambitious 5. Liberal 6. Sensual 7. Traditional 8. Adventurous 9. Practical 10. Outgoing | Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Religious 2. Traditional 3. Adventurous 4. Athletic 5. Big-Hearted 6. Practical 7. Outgoing 8. Conservative 9. Intellectual 10. Wealthy/Ambitious |
Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions
HAHAHA...See! This quiz PROVES that I am atheletic. All you people who laughed at me cuz we never won a softball game until I left for Chicago - what do you have to say now??? =P
GUARDING HEARTS
Again, I am torn with whether or not to blog. Often times, I wonder if some things should be broadcasted to everyone on the internet. But then again, I'm curious to hear your opinions and thoughts.
Is there a proper way to communicate? I usually talk to others; spend time with others. How do you spend time and care for others without having your intentions misunderstood? How do you ensure that you are not unintentionally and/or subconsciously leading someone on? Should you keep all relationships with the opposite sex on a superficial level? Should you never be in a one-on-one situation with the opposite sex? Does it cause opportunities for romantic longings to develop? I have to admit that I DO feel closer to someone after spending one-on-one time with them; getting to know who they are, without the pretense that often occurs when other people are around. But is this closeness even good? Is it honourable or is it fuel for improper and untimely wants? Do I just crave the attention and companionship? Is every one-on-one encounter considered a date? I looked up the definition of date: “a social arrangement between the opposite sex, usually of romantic interest”.
Does this mean that if there’s no romantic interest then the meeting’s not considered a date? How can you guarantee that there’s not even a twinge of romantic possibility from either party? You can’t. This leads back to the question I had on the purpose of dating on an old post (see Relationships). I thought all the reasons for dating our cell group had come up with should be evident in every relationship we had and not just with someone you’re dating. However, that post was speaking of dating in terms of being committed to one particular person for an undefined amount of time.
If we used the dictionary’s definition of dating, what’s the purpose of getting together then? This would mean that I’ve been dating this entire time even though it’s not with one particular individual! It also means that I’ve been dating friends who have girlfriends!! This is why the dictionary’s definition doesn’t sit well with me. Or maybe it doesn’t sit well with me because it would mean that I’d have to stop getting together one-on-one with some of my friends. Which makes me wonder why I feel the need to have one-on-ones anyway? Why can’t the conversations we have, also be in the presence of their significant others? It’s not as though we are speaking of anything inappropriate. Granted I know my friends better than I know their girlfriends and so would feel more comfortable sharing about parts of my life that I most likely wouldn’t share in front of their girlfriends. Perhaps this just means that I shouldn’t be sharing those particular details to these friends anymore. Perhaps it means that I am relying on these friendships for support when it’s not suitable. When, where and with whom is the support appropriate then? How do you guard someone's heart? How do you guard your own?
I've had these questions before and still haven't found a good answer. Comments anyone?
RANDOM TIDBITS...
-When using a ceiling fan: turn clockwise to save heat in the winter and turn counterclockwise to cool down in the summer.
-An optometrist can tell that you're Canadian just by the way you read the chart (ie. "Zed" instead of "Zee").
-Don't take Viagra. It terrible for the eyes. It's against the law for pilots.
-People bite their finger nails. Did you know that some people bite their toe nails?
-If I was a boy, I would look "sissy".
-I have orang-utan feet. Apparently my toes are like fingers and the bottom of my feet are red.
(This has no relation to the biting nails mentioned above).
MY BRAIN HURTS...
It's amazing how much you can learn in a day...it's also amazing how much you can forget in a day as soon as the test because over to make room for more info.
I have 4 tests and 3 assignments this coming week. It's going to be like this non-stop until mid-May.
This term is super crazy.
Thoughts to hold on to:
-it's do-able because others have done it before me
-what doesn't kill me makes me stronger
-my mind is the greatest gift given to me and should be used for total devotion
-I have been given a measure of faith
-He is sufficient for all my needs
-There is someone out there who is counting on me to know all this
-THIS IS WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR...LOVE IT!!!
Mental note:
Must stop eating (especially junk food) as a form of stress release...
GRAD DINNER (belated post cuz I lacked internet)
I just got back from UWCCF’s grad dinner. I only knew a handful of people and yet, I’d have to say it’s one of my more enjoyable experiences this past year. I was sitting in the room and I couldn’t help but think how amazing it is – that we could have people from different countries, backgrounds, churches, experiences and stages in life gather together in one room; that the sole commonality that binds all these apparent strangers is our hope and joy in God. How amazing is that?!! Like I said, I didn’t know more than ½ the ppl there but the ones I do know, I consider as close as my family. We may rarely see each other and talk, but when necessary, I know I can get straight to the point with anyone; no superficial conversation is needed. In this day and age, I find that type of trust and openness something hard to come by.
Ivan had shared about what grads should expect now that they’re leaving CCF. I couldn’t help but laugh when he mentioned that wherever we go, whatever we join we’re not going to find something like CCF. I laugh because it’s so true…this is a very special group, one that God has tremendously blessed and one that I am very fortunate to have been a part of (albeit brief). It crazy if you really sit back and look at how much God worked through this group. How many lives have been changed and not just within the people that we know but also meeting older generations and where they are now, all because of their experiences in university. But with blessings come responsibility and that is something that I’ve been learning myself recently. He spoke of taking what we’ve gained at UW and using it wherever we go. That’s the hard part. It’s so easy to get bogged down and just go with the flow; with what’s comfortable and easy, particularly when everyone around you is feeling and acting this way. I enjoy my visits back to Waterloo, not only for the friendships but also as my own spiritual retreat. To be energized, to be renewed with that contagious passion to share God’s love, to be continually challenged, to be reminded of what a community of believers really entails.
I know as the year draws to a close, a lot of grads are reminiscing their university experience. So many memories! For me, one that particularly sticks out was when Jeff handed me a Lifesong invite back in 2nd year. I remember smiling and saying that I’d think about it; but in my mind was “never!” and I threw it out at the first chance he looked away. Who would’ve thought that 9 months later, I’d actually be a part of the Lifesong production? Talk about extremes! That just blows my mind, when I think of how many little seeds have been planted by different people I encountered, each individually not meaning much and yet one day, the balance just tipped. If there was anything that I want to remind myself, it’s that ANYTHING is possible as long as I don’t stay inside my bubble (current struggle).
As a side note: I’m looking forward to coming back home for the summer and hopefully spending more time with certain individuals before we really start to go off in different directions. Be expecting phone calls to get together when I get back…I want lots of quality time this summer! This weekend was such a tease…
I had a blast seeing everyone though!!! *big grin*
SIMPLE PLEASURES
-Long walk along the lake...
-Good conversation...
-Hot chocolate...
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-Frozen juice box! =)
Why can't every day be a saturday???
P.S. Let me know if you don't want your name on the side...I know I didn't ask permission.
I AM IN SHOCK...
It has begun. I just got a e-mail from a friend from high school telling me she's engaged. I can't believe it. It's the first out of my actual friends, ppl that I knew, spent time and grew up with, actually moving on to the next stage. Yikes! I guess I should be expecting more of this type of news as I get older huh? It just feels weird...I didn't expect hearing anything like this for a few more years. And I feel bad cuz we've been so out of touch that I totally didn't even see this coming. I really must get on this building better relationship idea I had a while back. *sigh* Big congrats go to Ernie and Mike though! =)
WHERE'S THE MOTIVATION?
Oie! So I'm back in Chicago safe and sound. I was planning to make my first blog the journal entries I wrote while in Haiti. But I've realized that if I wait until I've typed them all out, it'll be a looong time before I post something - hence the title!
Been going through a roller-coaster of emotions since coming back. Luckily, God gave me the opportunity to dump how I felt with two people so that I can finally organize my thoughts and see where I have been lacking. Thanks to everyone who has given me support by e-mail or phone. Once again, trying to get back on track. Does this yo-yoing back and forth ever stop? Guess not...or at least I haven't reached that point yet. Reason #2 for the title.
Last night we had our "eye-ball". Yes I know it's a geeky name for an optometry school but we love play-on-words. I did eventually go dateless cuz no one was willing to drive 8 hrs for a silly formal; what's that all about huh? *grin* But still had a blast, except for when they played slow songs, which was 1/2 the time. So if I go next year, I'm finding a date...even if I have to drug them! The thing that made my night though was when I got to dance a song with a classmate who's into swing. It's so much fun when guys know how to lead! (*Psst* that's another hint!) All the upper years have been warning us that this term is going to be killer but after a night of getting jiggy, I don't want to get back into studying. Reason #3 for the title.
I promise the Haiti trip will be posted eventually but just a brief update, it was nothing like I was expecting/hoping.
I will be coming back home for Easter weekend so if anyone's in T.O. and want to get together, I would love to spend time with you - let me know! =)
RELIGION, FAITH AND ALL THE DEEP STUFF
I actually wrote a ton of stuff down on Thursday but lost all it while trying to post. Hopefully I can remember what I said:
I just wanted to post my own thoughts in regards to the comments made by everyone here on Feb. 14th.
First, let me clarify that whenever I use the term Christians (online or in real life) I use it non-specifically, in no way implying only Protestants but also including Catholics. I say this cuz I have personal issues about using the term "Christians" as only pertaining to one particular group. I believe that anyone, regardless of their denomination, who not only BELIEVES in Jesus Christ but also FOLLOWS Him in their daily life is a Christian. That is, Catholics are also Christians if they fit the above description; just as some so-called "Christians" aren't really followers of Christ.
Logistics aside (and I'm sure I'll be getting responses to the above statement), there are two parts of the Monday discussion that I wanted to try to wrap my head around. I am in no way claiming that I know everything; on the contrary, I don't know/understand a lot and I'm just hoping to organize some of my own ideas. Please let me know your thoughts and maybe we can come up with something together!
1. Christians use a check-list to measure devotion.
I think the reason behind this faith needs to be understood in order to see why it may seem like there's a check-list. I remember Ray saying once that "Christianity is not a habit but a lifestyle". It’s being intentional in what you do.
I think that as someone who believes is Jesus, you should try your best to remember and reflect Christ's love daily, in everything that you do. I know this isn’t easy or even always possible. And I’m definitely not saying that I’m anywhere close to the vicinity of achieving this; but I don’t think that our humanistic self-serving nature should ever be used as an excuse for not even trying.
This is what Jolyn insightfully said the other day: “I think we can all be a little bit better everyday. I'm not satisfied with anything, just so I can motivate myself to keep things dynamic and always moving forward. But I'm content with what I have, and I have faith in all that's around me.” That’s what I’d like to be able to say.
Remembering and reflecting His love not only includes praying, fasting, going to Church, etc. but also how you interact with others; and more importantly, your reasons behind these interactions. "If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
Love, not just for our family and friends but also for the poor, the dirty, the sick, the drunk...it means for anyone and everyone who is in need of love. But most of all, it's love for God. Because He loved us enough to sacrifice Himself. And this is the reason why, or at least I think it should be the reason why people pray, fast and do all the other things.
It's with thanks that these things are done. We want to do them as our own personal way to show God that we love Him. If these things are done just because that is what’s always been taught but there’s none of our own individual reasons behind it then it really does just become a check-list and nothing more.
2. Sort of related and implied to the above...or if not implied, something that's been on my mind.
I have to somewhat agree that there seems to be a silent screening of amongst Christians. I see certain people within the religion who "screen" and place more importance on certain aspects. Eg. People who do missions are more spiritual than others. I completely disagree with this and I think Simon touched on this briefly with everyone being called to serve in different areas. No calling is more special than any other because they all ultimately contribute to a higher purpose. “Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function”.
I say this because I actually have a personal agenda. I will be leaving for Haiti in less than 8 hrs for a short-term missions trip. It’ll be with my on-campus fellowship and we’ll be there for one week providing eye care.
Some of you will be surprised because I’ve never mentioned anything. And it’s because I don’t think it’s as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be. Don’t get me wrong, it matters to me to a certain degree, but only because this is something that I’ve always wanted to do, to go somewhere else to help others and now I’ve been given an opportunity to do it.
I have to confess however, that my reasons for going don’t exactly align themselves with most mission trips. I don’t have a burden in my heart to share the Gospel with others. The thought makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable, not only because I don’t know how and that I’ve always been extremely turned-off by it when it happened to me, but also because I think my faith is a very personal thing that I don’t necessarily feel comfortable sharing with everyone. Does this make me less of a Christian? This was something that I was struggling with for the past couple of months and my answer is I don’t think so.
In the other post that I tried to write, I kept saying that I wanted to help others and that was my reason for going. It still is, but the closer I get to leaving, the more this reason becomes secondary. As much as I want to help others, I’m selfish and what I really want more than anything right now is for God to draw me closer to Him through this experience. My personal prayer is that I will be able to grow and become stronger in my faith through all the opportunities that He’s blessed me with.
I know I’m going to be humbled by this trip…It’s impossible to go to somewhere like Haiti, the poorest country in the Western hemisphere, and NOT be humbled. I am expecting extreme beatings on my pride. Especially since I’m going down with a mentality of helping others; when in reality I don’t even know the first thing about what it means to really love another human being. I know that I’m going to be receiving more than I ever expected to give. I’ve got to be honest, when I think about all this, my ego gets apprehensive about going. Am I ready for it? We’ll find out...
See you in a week!
BOYS START TAKING NOTES
I realize that this is belated but it actually slipped my mind yesterday that is was Valentine's day.
Here are some suggestions to win your way to a girl's heart:
- Offer to tutor her; get offer accepted and then proceed to spend at least 1 hr/wk one-on-one
- Invite her skating & dinner downtown
- Make her hot chocolate and then bring it to her room when she says that her nose or toes are cold
- Bring back advil from the store when she's not feeling well
- Make her a ham and egg sandwich when she's not feeling well
- Bring her chocolate cake for no reason
- Bring back food every time you go out with your friends, especially if it's sushi
- When out partying with your friends, go back home early to watch a movie with her once you hear from her voice that she's had a rough day
- Invite her to the Eyeball and then sit with her friends even though it's your last school event to hang out with yours
- On Valentine's day, leave each of her friends a Disney card in their mailbox
- Send an e-mail card to the friend whose name you messed up
- Leave a dozen gorgeous red roses in the security office for her to pick up after work
Here are some things NOT to do:
- Act like you're already her boyfriend when you're not yet
- Be all over her when she's out; especially if you're meeting her friends for the first time
- Be jealous of her spending time with guys whom she's known longer than you
- Refuse to hang up when she says she needs to go study
- Hang out with her brother to the point that you sleep at each other's place (when you weren't friends prior to meeting her)
- Leave her online msgs asking why she's not responding
- Throw a hissy fit saying that you don't mean much to her when she can't recall the last mark you got in your class
- Continue to smother her after she's requested some space
- Send a Valentine's card with a 2 page list of why you love her (including how her nostrils flare)
What? People who does these things really do exist?!! Mega props to the first guy...even if he doesn't get the girl; he's definitely got her friends rootin' for him! =) So moral of this story: don't forget the friends when you're interested in some girl...*laughs*
P.S. On a completely unrelated note, check out Dennis' blog for a little story about the existence of evil.