THE SIMPLE LIFE

CURRENT THOUGHTS

I realize that it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. Many different thoughts swarm my mind, all of which I’m trying to grasp and process:

1. There’s been so much talk of community recently. I feel drawn to its power and yet the same time, disgusted by its frequent use. I believe that a community is more than just a group of people living in the same geographical area or being of similar socialeconomical/ethnic background, merely sharing similar interests. As Alan from Sanctuary describes “it’s a network of relationships” and I think that’s the keyword that is often lacking in our so-called communities – RELATIONSHIPS.

2. What does it mean to have a relationship with someone? It’s having a connection with someone not based on hobbies or personal gain but a connection that’s founded in love; the deep type of love where you have their sole interest at heart. I think we’ve all had liaisons which are formed due to convenience…classmates or coworkers that we hang out with and share daily happenings. However, these encounters rarely go beyond the surface to become relationships. How many in your past group of classmates or coworkers would you actually turn to in your time of need? How many do you actually keep in touch with on a regular basis, instead of the occasional e-mail and get-together?

3. The weird part is that we are such relational creatures. We yearn for a deeper interaction and yet, are unwilling to put in the time and effort to create these connections. Again and again, we’d rather settle for meritocracy. Perhaps it’s because we’re so use to being in an environment where success is based on efficiency. “Time is money” is our mantra. What is the most you can do in the least amount of time? How can we get ‘the most bang for our buck’ so to speak? As Alan reiterated, relationships are inefficient. You could spend 6 hours with someone and not learn anything new. The more I think about it, the more I realize our value system is so terribly skewed. It’s hard to explain all this to people sometimes.

4. I’ve been told on 2 different occasions this weekend that I’ve changed. Auntie Belinda said that I think too much, that it’ll be difficult for me to go through life because I’m always so serious. That I’ve gotten quiet. That it’s not a crime to be happy and joke around. That I should be concerned about taking care of myself - my face, my hair, my body, my clothes. Vivek said that I’m all grown-up. Gary and I barely talk.

Is it a bad thing to change? I realize that I don’t laugh nearly as much as I used to but things that I once found funny no longer amuse me. Things done in a drunken stupor are not tales of glory anymore. I’ve also began to realize that talking about others merely reflect my own insecurities. And rather then make a joke of them, I’d rather examine myself.

While people seem to think that I’m getting older, I feel as though I’m a real kid for the first time. I’m realizing just how small I really am and just how much I really don’t know. It’s exciting, as though I’m finally looking at the world with my own eyes instead of being oblivious to all that’s around me. And frankly, it’s more exciting that finding out a new fad to remove an unsightly pimple. If questioning what we value as important and being in awe the immensity of the universe makes me serious than so be it.

5. Uncle Ray and my mother have both been harboring on my love life, or lack thereof. My mother has been more indirect – only stating her concern with my recent choices of books with the word ‘singleness’ in the title. *laughs* Uncle Ray on the other hand, asked straight up where all the guys were and why they were not breaking down my door. How to explain to an uncle who believes that you should always have a string of men ready at hand? I tried to explain the mentality of males who are in my stage of life versus my 16 year-old cousin’s but I have an inkling he’s disappointed that I’m not trying hard enough to snag a couple good catches.

6. On the topic of family, let’s see what else…Oh! The need to compare to a sibling. The hurt that results from a lack of attention. The unshared responsibilities of taking care of aging parents. All of these cause years of bitterness and pain that only serve to drive family members further apart from each other. I have more feelings than words right now on this particular issue. Maybe once I sort things out a little more I will blog again on this.

That’s all for now. I actually have a ton more to share but it’s getting late and I have a fly out to Vancouver tomorrow.