THE SIMPLE LIFE

Now that things have slowed down a bit, I can do an update on what’s been going on with my end of things.

I just deleted 2 huge paragraphs that I wrote about my work because I just don’t have the right words to describe it.
-I’m in Connecticut.
-I haven’t examined my own patient in over a month.
-BUT…I feel like I’m going to take away a lot from this rotation.

How do you explain the detrimental effects of losing your vision? How do you describe the struggles you observe in your patients? Can you ever put into words their lonliness, the isolation, and their embarrassment? There are solutions out there but it’s disheartening to see how many people actually know about them and it’s even more painful to see the patients that have reached out for help in the past and got so discouraged by the results that they are afraid to hope for any more changes. It’s the first time I ever felt that a private practice setting just cannot provide what is needed and it has been good reminder of how much time and dedication is really required…or perhaps just how important an interdisciplinary approach really is. It hasn’t been as depressing as I described it, the patients are quite excited to be in a program that strives to help with their independence and there’s a great camaraderie between them since they’re all veterans that have served their country at one time AND they’re pretty much their own support group. I’m sure I’ll have plenty more to say about this topic later on.

Another reason why I haven’t blogged in a while was because I was studying for part 2 of my American licensing boards. It was long and draining...and I don’t want to guess at how I did. It’s over, we’ll just leave it at that =) I should be thinking about my Canadian boards soon too…eeks! It was interesting to see some of my classmates again after being apart for 6 months. It’s crazy to hear of babies being born and how many people got engaged/married. I love looking at other peoples' rings. My husband says I have ring envy which is not true. I absolutely love my rings. I'm just always on the look-out for future anniversary presents! Any way, it's hard to believe that there's only 5 more months until I graduate with these friends!!

Alex came down this past weekend to celebrate with me. We went to New York on Saturday, he treated me to a delicious dinner and then we went to see STOMP. There’s something about banging things and making loud noises that I think boys never fully outgrow. It was a great performance, comical at times even when they don’t speak, but I definitely know that he enjoyed the show much more than I did.

On the family front, I just found out that Popo was placed in a nursing home. They didn’t want to tell me before because of the board exams. Apparently her Alzheimer’s getting a lot worse and her behaviour’s really out of control to the point where she might hurt herself or others. It’s been tough on the family but my mom and Yiyi especially. The healthcare system in HK isn’t exactly ideal but no one’s back in Canada yet. Along with the whole guilt aspect of sending your parent away to be taken care of…it’s taking a toll on the family. It's been rough so please just keep our entire family in your prayers. I know in my head that I need to have grace and forgiveness and patience…all things that I am having a really hard time with at the moment.

Lastly congrats to Wendy/Victor and Steph/Gord. I am super excited for you guys and can’t wait to hear all the planning details!! I’m really starting to look forward to coming home after graduating. It’s been too long…especially all the moving around this past year, it’ll be nice to finally settle down and stay put in one place for a while.

Oh yeah, I forgot one final thing. I got a hamster! It got really lonely when I first moved to Connecticut cuz my place was so big and I got used to seeing Alex home with me so I went onto Craig’s list and bought Mustang for $25 bucks. Yup, I replaced my husband by our 2 month anniversary =P He’s my first boy hamster and he sleeps a lot more than my previous hamsters. He’s also pretty skittish but I’ve learnt not to bother him when he sleeps. He keeps my attention occupied and it’s nice to know that there’s another warm body around, even if it’s a tiny one.

That’s all for now, stay tuned for more updates.

P.S. We’re leaving this Friday for our honeymoon in the Caymen Islands. Provided there’s no more of these freak snowstorms of course.

Stay safe and be merry =) Joyeux Christmas and God bless everyone.

**this was an old post from 10.24.07 -I was holding off from posting to load some pictures but it's all on Alex's computer and that's too far away now**


...is so much fun! Well I think it's not just married life but the fact that I get to be around Alex so often. Our schedules during the week are pretty boring - come home from work, cook dinner, clean up, wind down, shower and then go to bed. I thinking if it was purely based on time - people should get married when they're in school cuz I remember having all this extra time from slacking off. When you're working, you actually have responsibilites - kinda sucks not being able to stay up late or sleep in on classes. It's pathetic how early I need to be in bed if I want to be 100% on for my patients. BUUUTTT - we've been really making full use of our weekends and our time here in Windsor area.



Let's see - updates:

One weekend, I took Alex out to a little town called Amhurstburg. It's beautiful, right by the river - so we grabbed some ice cream and spent the afternoon on the bench in the park overlooking the water.





For my birthday weekend, Alex rented a little cottage out on Pelee Island for the night. We didn't go exploring as much as he would have liked cuz we picked up Scrabble at Value Village for $1 and got hooked trying to beat each other. The cottage is absolutely adorable and a place that I'd love to go back with a group of friends. They even had a little dining gazebo out back and a fire pit too!





This past weekend, we went to Pelee Point (the southernmost point in Canada). We played in the the cold lake & took a hike to see the Monarch butterflies rest for their migration. Did you know that they fly all the way to Mexico?!! Then we went through a Haunted House & Haunted Graveyard. It was for a fundraising event and they did an amazing job! I thought it was just for the kiddies but Alex and I definitely got scared several times (although he'll never admit it =P)





Finally, we spent our 1 month wedding anniversary...doing laundry! I was very happy - not only b/c I now have clean undies but also because I feel it was the perfect way to celebrate our marriage; by working together & loving each other.

So all in all, things are going very well. Here are some pics:

Looking back at the pictures reminded me how much fun it was that day! Thanks to everyone who made it out...and for those that couldn't; I honestly missed you.

Click HERE to view them.

Almost a week since the wedding and there's already been some tough lessons to learn by all. There's been a lot of tears in the family, especially from my mom now that she's back in Beijing. I think it's been really difficult for her and dad - not that they're not happy for us but, just like Dad said in his speech, there's also a little bitterness and sadness.

For me, it's also learning to let go of my parents. In the past, I usually turn to them when making big decisions. My parents watched me grow up - they know how I respond to different situations and what works best for me. Now, I need to turn to Alex, to trust his opinions and decision-making skills. And sometimes that's scary - especially when my parents have known me a lot longer than he has. But we both want to learn how to love & serve each other so that makes it more exciting and worthwhile.

I was also having trouble letting go of my goals for the future. I've been blogging about wanting to a residency for a long time now. I had my heart set on one particular program which seems to meet all my needs - except for location. A few days ago the program director personally e-mailed me to ask if I was still applying b/c they were starting to receive applications. I mean, how often does the head of anything take time out for you? I felt like I had a real shot at the spot and it was time to take a really good look at my priorities.

Mom's right that it's no coincidence that this happened 3 days after I got married. It was tough, but I realized that different stages of life required different priorities. My marriage as well as proximity to my husband has become my main priority at this time. Since he will be in Canada finishing his studies, I am also going be back in Canada after graduating this May. I have no clue what I'll be doing but I have faith in God. He's brought me along this far and although things may not have turned out the way I pictured it, I wouldn't trade them for anything. I believe that He has great plans ahead for all of us.

P.S. It's friday! I'm so happy b/c it's the first weekend that I won't be doing road trips back to Waterloo or Toronto. Yea for sleeping in! =D

3 more days.

It's funny. All the doctors and interns that I work with here at the VA tell me how calm I am at the fact that I'm getting married this weekend. I laugh because at work, I'm all focused on the patients...they distract me from thinking about anything remotely related to the wedding. Now that I have a few minutes to sit and reflect, let's just say that my heart rate is a little faster than normal.

On the surface, everything's quite alright...that is until I receive e-mails from Jeff asking me questions that I have not thought of answers to (although I really do appreciate you thinking of them Jeff cuz finding out the day-of would suck), getting phone calls from tense moms, or sleeping with wedding-related nightmares.

I know what I really need is some time alone with God. To refocus on Him and to just adore Him. I was reading an old post after grandpa past away and remembering how sad I felt that our Wong's side probably won't have many reunions anymore. Lo' and behold, God brings my ENTIRE family to the wedding. Even grandpa didn't get such an attendence! God works is such mysterious ways that I can only bow down in thanksgiving and awe.

Ephesians 5:19 is in my mind right now: "...sing and make music in your heart to the Lord" That's what I want to do...

Praise God! Jenessa just called me. I am so glad to have her & Mike's support and prayers. God just used her to remind me to enjoy all this. That this process really is a gift -and a wonderful one at that.


What a wonderful maker
What a wonderful savior
How majestic your whispers
And how humble your love
With a strength like no other
And the heart of a father
How majestic your whispers
What a wonderful God
.
.
.
You made the world and saw that it was good
You sent your only son, for you are good
"Wonderful Maker"~ Chris Tomlin

It's been a month since I've last posted and only 2 more weeks in South Dakota. Looking back, I can say that this has been a very good educational experience. There were many time when things felt almost too routine, but this past week I've been able to shadow a lot of different ophthalmologists and started to feel more challenged by all that I still don't know. It was great - saw a lot of surgeries (cataract & eye muscles...vitreous and retina next week) and also so pretty bad things that could happen to the eye. Like yesterday - we had a patient come in who took a metal projectile to the eye. We saw all the damaged it left but couldn't find the object itself. They're seeing the specialist on monday. But it's been a great week and got me all excited about the field I'm in again. I think I'm really starting to like Urgent Care and Rural Optometry.

I was chatting with mom again about the future and each time I do, I work myself up. I'm someone who likes to plan things out and know the next step. I can't plan anything past September right now because that's all that I've been looking forward to and many of my priorities will change once we're married. I know that we're making the decision together and that Alex will support whatever the final outcome is but for some reason I feel I need to chose between my desire to do residency and my desire to be his wife at this moment. If I had things my way, I'd get the specific residency program that I want and get to spend the first year of my marriage living with my husband too!

Being apart has been especially tough these past couple of months. We've always had a long distance relationship and for the most part, it's been easy. God has been so good in that aspect. God is STILL good but I think it's cuz I'm all by myself out here that making it so much harder. I always thought I was pretty independent and adaptable to new situations. But I think that was more relative to school settings. I can switch into different schools but I still had opportunities to make friends. While the relationships with the staff are great here, everyone's older and has their own families and responsibilities. I'm getting involved with the church but again, everyone's older. There's been quite a number of tears shed in self-pitying loneliness, especially during the times both sides of the family got together in Asia and I couldn't be there. You always imagine that you're going to be there when your parents finally meet each other. Too many times did I wished I was in HK or Beijing instead of Rapid City. God's been trying to teach me to turn to Him, to rely on Him. It's been a hard lesson to learn and one that I'm still struggling to pay attention to. He is so patient and faithful to me.

That's about it. Alex will be in Rapid City on Thursday and we'll be taking our road trip back to Canada the following weekend. Can't wait to see everyone and start the countdown!

Attached the pictures of the ring since everyone's been asking:

top view: yes...the ring usually does sparkle like that when it catches the light - hee, hee! =p

Things are so incredibly sweet right now, we joke that we’re dysfunctional in love. And it’s so easy to say ‘it’s all about us’ or go-with-the-flow enjoying these feelings. Not to say that I’m not enjoying them…but I just want to give thanks right now because love is just being poured out – from God, from Alex, from our parents, from family, from friends.

Father God, You are so good. And I – we, have done absolutely nothing to deserve this. We praise You and worship You for all that You are. For the Giver that You are. Over the weekend, the pastor asked the congregation if we were ready for You. Because as humans, we ask for your presence in difficult times and expect that when You come, You’ll take our struggles away. Are we prepared for what You have to offer when it’s not what we want or expect? Do we trust You? Oh Father, teach us to appreciate all that You give – even if it is times of difficulty. Help us to see that they are all opportunities to trust Your plans instead of our own. When we resist, humble us before Your presence. I know that things will not always be this sweet. But I also know that this relationship and this man is gift from You. I pray that I may be taught how to honour this gift and how to honour You.


Okay, so people have been asking me about getting all the details. I’m a girl so you’re literally getting all the details. This is going to be one heck of a long post – just as a warning!


As mentioned before, all along I thought Alex was going to pop the question in August (the next time we were to see other) because I told him that I wanted blessings from my dad, my Kai Ma and Steph before getting engaged. Since dad’s in Beijing now and Alex was going to HK to visit his newborn niece, we always talked about that being the perfect time to approach dad.

I found out from my preceptor that I could get a few days off right before he left and thought it would be a great way to surprise him for his birthday. (If you’ve been around us enough times you’ll soon realize that we enjoy surprising each other). Any way, I ended up telling him so that he would keep those days free to spend time together.

I admit that I was whiney Friday night after he was done his exams and partying with his classmates cuz I travelled long distances after a nightmarish trip and wanted to see him as soon as possible. He told me he was going to wake me up at 9am on Saturday. I talked him down to 8am.

So here I am all jet-lagged and eager to see my boyfriend; I wake up at 7am and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I stayed in bed like he wanted and just waited. 8 o’clock rolls around and no sign of him…9 o’clock rolls around and still no sign of him. (In my defense, you try waiting for someone you really want to see for 2½ hrs and then tell me how you’d feel.) Finally at 9:30 I got out of bed, jumped in the shower and then pouted to my mom as got ready for the day. He comes strolling in just as I finished blow-drying my hair at about 10:15. Since he was sufficiently apologetic while holding a pink flower and looking very attractive, I just hugged him and forgot everything. He then says he wants to spend some time in the park jus the two of us.

The parents and my Kai Ma had left to take Missy for a walk so I said we should wait until they got back. Then he starts saying how hungry he is and wanting McDonald’s because he didn’t eat breakfast and it’ll be quick. In my mind I start thinking, What is wrong with him today? He’s acting like such a little kid. He parties so hard with his buddies that he couldn’t wake up on time to see me and now he’s throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get breakfast on the way in and wants McDonald’s?!! Whatever. Just get some food into him and maybe he’ll start to be better.

He called his dad to make sure there was enough time for us to leave and we head out. Just as we turn the corner we see all of them walking towards us. Alex doesn’t even slow down his car. I start to get really upset. He hasn’t seen mom or Kai Ma yet. One flew in from Beijing and the other from Vancouver. How rude is it to just drive off without a word of hello?! It’s one thing to be gone before they’re got back but I mean, we saw them and his dad had been trying to get our attention!

Alex knew that I was really upset so he backs up the car to say hello to all of them. Then his dad starts saying a bunch of things in Mandarin that I didn’t understand and Alex got really impatient and short in his responses. At this point I had no clue what has gotten into him. I know that he’s usually not like this and I hated for him to be acting this way in front my mom & Kai Ma. What a first impression! So I tried to invite them to McDonald’s with us. They declined but to make matters even worse, the car stalls as we try to leave again. I could tell Alex was getting really frustrated and so I decided to keep my mouth shut and just get this whole ordeal over with.

Finally the car starts and we head off. He ends up turning into Waterloo park. Okay…he really wants to do this park thing. Let try to enjoy our time together. We walk to the gazebo where we did morning devotions back in 3rd year of undergrad. Great, someone’s got a picnic set up at our bench – we can’t even sit at our old spot. Is nothing going right on this trip?

Then things start to get better – a lot better =) He tells me that the reason he was late was cuz he was busy getting this picnic set up for us and that he didn’t say hi to everyone cuz he had already seen all of them before I got out of bed. Now it’s my turn to feel sufficiently bad. There’s a red & white chequered table cover and a cute little picnic basket beside it. He reaches down and pulls up a glass vase with more of the pretty pink flowers that he gave that morning. Then he opens up the basket and starts pulling out all this delicious looking food. Champagne glasses with juice, plastic plates with croissant, smoked salmon, cheddar cheese, yogurt and fresh fruit. Wow. I was impressed. But still no clue since it’s like him to pull a surprise this romantic.

Not only that, he tells me then pulls out an album that he gave me for our one year. My mom had told me that Kai Ma wanted to see it so we brought it back. It was a set-up. There were some empty spots and pages so he had mom bring it back that he could finish it up. He comes over to sit beside me and begins reading to me the album – his thoughts, the commitment that he made to God and to me when we first began seeing each other, what we had discussed during the Urbana conference. And then a little story of us in that moment; sitting in the gazebo, him reading to me and then getting on his knee…When I got to that part of the story, all I could think was Does this mean what I think this means??? Of course I start crying, especially when he actually gets down on one knee.

Don’t ask me what he said because my mind kept jumping from Is this it…?? to Oh my gosh, it’s actually happening! to I can’t believe I’m crying to Stop crying and focus on what he’s saying back to Oh my gosh, it’s actually happening! There really was no room in my head to process what he said except something along the lines of marrying him and I said yes! So afterwards, we spent some time praying together and then he tells me that the whole entire thing was videotaped. How awesome is that? I had told him once that it would be nice to have a record because I wouldn’t be in the state of mind to recall anything and he remembered! So he had Dan videotaping the entire thing from across the pond and he had his digital camera running the entire time. Of course, there were some glitches – the digicam shut off right before his proposal and he stepped out of frame in Dan’s camera *laughs* But it was just so sweet of him to even plan all of that for me.

So all in all – it was the perfect proposal. I never tried to imagine it but honestly, I couldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Wow…where to start. This past month has been a whirlwind of events.

Got baptised!
Mom flew in from Beijing and Alex & his parents came down from Waterloo to celebrate with me. Unlike all the baptisms I’ve witnessed in other churches, mine doesn’t require the pastor to do the actual baptism. It’s whoever you’d like. So Liz, Mai, mom & Alex all baptized me. I think Pastor Luke says it best – that baptism is an outward declaration of an inward revelation. It took a while but I’m glad I finally took this step of obedience. There are always more but…one day at a time.

Went to Oklahoma.
Mom & I flew down to Oklahoma to check out their residency program. I really like the small knit community and it’s flexibility to tailor the program to whatever you want. You get a bit of teaching experience, rural optometry, hospital setting and working with the Native population (something I wouldn’t usually get as a Canadian). The down-side is that it’s in a small town of 16,000 people, so the airport is an hour and a half away with only 2 flights to Toronto each day. This makes travelling on weekends more difficult.

Moved to South Dakota.
Yup, I’m officially in 4th year (something I still keep saying wrong) and I’ve started my externships. I’m in Rapid City, a slightly bigger city of 60,000. It’s a perfect little place for retirement. People here are so friendly and EVERYONE drives 5 miles below speed limit (that means 30 miles/hr). Definitely slows things down a bit after living in Chicago for 3 years. Mom and I packed up most of my belongings in the car and took a road trip across the mid-west. It’s quite beautiful here with its rolling hills. I have yet to check out the tourist attractions though. Hopefully I’ll have a chance this summer while still keep my promise to mom about not getting a tan. So glad mom was around to help me get settled - the apartment was all set up and homey by the first night!

8-5 work day.
It’s took a bit of adjusting, to be mentally ‘on’ after being in lectures for so long. I was absolutely exhausted for the first few days. But things are going quite smoothly here. I’ve been getting along w/ my preceptor & the staff. More importantly, I’m getting a good response from my patients. They seem to really appreciate my time & care. The only thing is that I still don’t feel quite confident about my diseases – wish I had opportunities to see more. On the other hand, I’m getting better at contact lens evaluations and starting to know more about different refractive surgeries like LASIK. Guess it’s a give-and-take situation.

I’M ENGAGED!!!
Yup, the last bit of news is that Alex proposed this past weekend. It’s been amazing to see God’s hand in this whole relationship thus far. I wasn’t even suppose to get time off from externship but it ‘just so happened’ that my preceptor and the ophthalmologist he works with were taking the weekend to travel – the only weekend that Alex is finished exams and right before he leaves for Hong Kong. We’ve been talking about getting married in September but I wasn’t expecting him to propose until he got back from Asia in August. (Yeah, I know – that would’ve left only one month to notify everyone…but see, now you know waaay ahead! =P) God also had mom & my Kai Ma with us that weekend to plan the wedding and He’s been so gracious in allowing us to find & book the things we needed on such short notice.

Within 3 days we booked/bought:
-the church
-the reception hall
-the bridal gown
-the shoes
-the decorations/centerpieces
-the flowers/bouquets
-the photographer
-the wedding rings (this one was done prior - at same time as the engagement ring)

We also managed to see some of our own friends too! All in all it was a very efficient and productive weekend. And since neither of us will be back in Canada until August, it is a huge blessing to have fewer details to organize and more time to focus on Him & this upcoming marriage. Like how on earth do I become a Godly wife??? Yikes! Please pray for patience as we learn how to serve one another.
That’s all for now…this update’s done from the airport so I’ll post it when I get back to SD.

Had the best weekend in a very long time! Drove to Iowa for Kevin & Michelle’s wedding - 12 hrs of flat land and good company. All the farms reminded me of our family trip between Edmonton & Calgary. I love road trips - it brings back fun memories of Montreal. Any way, one word - Beautiful!! Perfect weather, perfect little Dutch town with windmills and tulip festivals and even the perfect little red brick church with white steeple. Very cute.

I have to say that living in Chicago, big city and all, you learn to appreciate the subtle differences of being in the ‘mid-west’. Things are more laid back, people are more down-to-earth…and you can dance with the groom/bride for a $1 (it can last longer if you pay more). Oh, I’ve also picked up a few interesting food dishes.

1. Walking tacos.
This is what’s typically served at ball games and such. Open up a bag of Doritos or Fritos on its’ side. Toss in some taco meat, lettuce, cheese, salsa and sour cream. Grab a fork and dig in. See? Literally, a taco that you could walk around with.

2. Puppy chow.
This one got me totally confused that first time I saw it at a potluck. Why would anyone fill a huge bowl w/ cereal? Do we just pour in the milk and each person just grab a spoon? Turns out that it’s more than just cereal! Dump a bunch of Chex cereal into bowl. Mix in melted butter, chocolate chunks and peanut butter. Cover it all with powered sugar and voila! You’ve got “puppy chow”. Why anyone would name it something so awful is beyond me but, it’s another common Midwestern dish.

3. Fruit Salad
This was one that was served at the wedding. Alex was totally floored cuz he was expecting the Fruit salad made asian style (ie. fruits, especially the citrus ones, w/ mayonnaise). In the Midwest, you take some Granny apples, grapes, bananas, etc. and throw in pieces of Snickers chocolate bars and mix it all up with Cool Whip. Much more delicious, much more hazardous to your health.


I’ve also learnt some other different dishes but I'm still not sure if I've never heard of them because I don’t cook, because I’m Chinese or if it really is because I’m Canadian. I have, however, given up trying to make a green bean casserole cuz I’m sick of eating all the nasty failures. Hopefully, your attempts for the suggestions above will fare much better. Enjoy! =)

“I can trust my friends. These people force me to examine myself, encourage me to grow." ~Cher

Oh how wise you are Cher. But in all honesty, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who I consider my friends. As little as we may chat with each other - you know who you are. Over the years, you've seen me cry at least once - either out of joy or out of frustration, and on those rare occasions, simultaneously. You're the one who's not afraid of saying things straight up because you care about me more than my immediate reaction. Even if it seems like never, you're someone that I turned to when I needed to get another perspective. You're the one to always be open and share your experiences. Or maybe we don't even really interact but I learn from you by watching how you interact with others and reading your words. You're my friend because we know deep inside, we value each other's presence in our respective lives. Thank you...for being there. For being my friend.

And if you're still trying to figure out whether or not you fit the description - chances are, you do! The fact that you'd take the time to read up on my happenings means that you care about me - or you're just incredibly creepy! *laughs* I'm choosing to believe the former.

So the big news is: I am getting baptised on Mother's Day (Sunday May 13th) at New Life Community Church in Chicago, IL. It something that's been on my heart for a very long time and I'd like to invite you to come and celebrate with me. I understand that most of you will probably be spending time with family but I wanted to let you know and hopefully, you can just say a prayer of thanks with me. Shoot me an e-mail, MSN, Facebook...whatever means you'd like, if you want the time and location.

Much love,
~V

I woke up this morning all excited because I was going to be observing surgeries with the ophthalmologist that I work with at school. It got off to bad start cuz it began down-pouring as I left my apartment. And I was running late. Not to mention I had no idea where this place was. Took the wrong exit. Thought I went to the wrong medical building.

But I arrive. And surgery didn't start yet. So I got changed - actually got to wear scrubs and those little hair nets which was quite neat. Got into the surgery room and the resident told me that the tissue for the transplant wasn't in good enough condition so they rescheduled for another day. I was disappointed cuz I was so looking forward to it but settled on just observing cataract surgeries instead.

The first patient turns out to be an 8 y/o boy. I watched them bring him in, get him settled on the table, poke him with various needles and by the time they anesthetized him, I was dizzy & light-headed. I left to go to the washroom, barely able to see the door through all the spots. It was crazy, I was in cold sweats and shaking.

I calmed myself down enough to head back into the surgery room but just as I had the mask over my face, I felt nauseous and just wanted to lie down. It was so embarrasing to admit to my doctor that I couldn't stomach it and had to leave. All I could think about driving back was 'please let me make it home'. How sad is that?

So after staying in the surgery room for 1 hour, I have yet to actually observe a live procedure. It totally sucked cuz I've watch a bunch of different eye surgeries on video before in classes and I've never had any problems. Even when they did enucleations (removal of the eyeball); I was never one to be faint-hearted. Maybe it was the fact that I saw the kidactually walking/talking, not just some subject. Either way, nNow I have to face my doctor tomorrow at work, knowing that I couldn't handle it - especially after specifically requesting permission to watch him. *sigh* Just one of those days where I want to curl up in a ball.

Remember when I mentioned that I had an unfinished blog on finances? Well…I’m going to summarize it today. So I was in the clinic waiting for my contact lens exam when I read an article in Time magazine with this title. It brought on more thoughts and I’m going to try to sort through them right now. Bear with me.

In thinking about the future more these days, I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my finances. I’m obviously not going to be ‘rolling in it’ after I graduate, especially with all the debt I’ve accumulated these past few years, but I have a career which will provide a stable income and job security. Where to go from there?

I haven’t worked out the details yet on the type of lifestyle I plan to have and I feel quite torn at times in opposite directions. When I look into the future, there’s a part of me that wants the high-end European cars, double story homes with beautiful interior design, lush green lawns maintained by gardening companies, expensive family trips and 2.5 kids to boot. I want to continue with the means that I grew up in and have grown accustomed to. I’ve been fortunate enough to have all my needs satisfied…as well as most of my desires. In our last series at church, we were discussing what the Bible specifies as ‘needs’.

So I was studying for low vision today (my last exam) and during the geriactic section, our guest lecturer the following attached to our notes. I thought I'd just share it with all of you:



This poem was found among the few simples belongings of an elderly lady, after she died in a geriactic ward of a hospital.

Was reading Dust's blog just now and started thinking about interviews as such. I was planning to put together my C.V. this weekend - soooo not looking forward to it. And I feel like I have no real experience these past 3 years, like I should have research papers and posters under my belt even though I know it's so not true. Cuz as you were all saying, there's a lot of school-related experiences you could use during interviews as well. I think I just forget them once it's all over.

Part of me thinks it sucks cuz I have to all over from scratch for my C.V. since pretty much all my things up to undergrad is no longer relevant. But another part of me is glad because it's like I've wiped my slate clean. Although I have to say that I've enjoyed my experiences up through undergrad.

And in relation to interviewing skills and such, or just talking to people in general...sounding confident is key. I honestly believe that this is what sets apart the good students from the amazing ones in clinic. And this has been my biggest struggle so far. I have the knowledge in my head and my attending doctors know that I am a competent clinician, and yet somehow when I present my cases to them, I sound like I'm second-guessing myself. Something I've been trying to work on that this quarter - my presentation skills. I'm great with speaking to large groups because I can practice saying the same thing over and over. But you never get the exact same patient twice in clinic. Which is what makes it exciting too I suppose. I think I just need to see more patients - bring it!

Oops...almost forgot. Happy V-day everyone! What are your plans for tonight?

1.
In the midst of finals right now...I don't know why, but it's getting increasingly harder and harder to study and be eager about school. And it's not even about being burnt-out - I'm just plain lazy. For example, I had a exam today, and didn't really start studying until this morning...and the exam was worth 60% of my final grade! What am I thinking?? And the craziest part is, even as I am blogging this - I still don't really care. Am I honestly getting sick of school? Is it possible? Or is it just the fact that I have become apathetic to everything around me?

2.
Things are...I don't know. In some sense, they're great! Never been better. And in other senses, they're okay to not so good. Is it possible to have such conflicting emotions going through a person simultaneously? I guess so, especially since I'm the emotional type. Or maybe I'm just trying to lie to myself.

3.
I had started a blog a week ago my thoughts on finances but now I'm not really in the mood to finish it. But yeah, that's been something on my mind. How to keep track/manage my expenses.

4.
I've been thinking about my future a lot. We've done grad photos and our cap & gown measurements already. Totally starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel. But where will it show me? I fluctuate back and forth on Residency. I'll probably end up doing it but in moments such as now, when I don't want to study - it makes me wonder why I would want to continue on with higher education. Maybe because I like to defer making decisions as much as possible; hoping that my circumstances will make the decision for me.

5.
Restless. That's the word I've been using the describe my current state of being lately. I am neither here nor there. I have no clue where I want to be but I know 'this' is not it. You can probably tell from the blog itself that my mind is very jumpy right now.

6.
I've been having this toothache that won't go away. I went to the dentist (who charged me $110 for a 10 min consult & X-rays) only to find out that there really is no problem so it's likely that I grind my teeth when I sleep due to stress. I want a second opinion. I don't feel that I'm stressed. Unless there's a lot of subconscious things going on that I need to work out.

7.
I was reading Steph's blog and was totally jealous that y'all went to Tremblant. I can't even remember when the last time I joined everyone for a trip - probably camping over the summer, before Herb left for Japan? Geez louise, that was so long ago. I think I need a weekend getaway. I should find a cabin somewhere in Wisconsin. I just want to be a kid again - you know, throw some snowballs, go tubing, play board games, stay up late chatting. Anybody want to join me?

This last week and a half has been quite nuts. Had some big issues to go before God with – the frustrating thing is knowing that I will have to continually come back to Him about it. That’s never going to be over and done with. But God is GOOD and SO faithful. And he even provided me my mom!!

That’s right, you heard me. My mom came down to Chicago for my long weekend spur-of-the-moment. So not only did I get to spend Christmas this year with my entire family, but I also got some alone time this past weekend. It was so great to chat with her the 5 days straight. And also to be relaxing at home, trying to fully recover from all the illnesses I’ve come down with over the holidays. One day was spent entirely in the kitchen. Note: me in the kitchen = crazyness. She tried to teach me a few simple things to make…maybe I’ll attempt them again today. Who am I kidding? =P But in all honesty, I am so thankful for her (and my dad’s) support and prayers. Just goes to remind me that our God is bigger than everything.

This past week was the best. Every year our school has a talent show and this year, it falls under the 3rd year’s responsibility (namely, Scott & I). I’ve never had to organize anything of this size, much less a production, and now that I actually have time to reflect, it a heck of a lot of work!! Suggestions for next year’s class – find lots of people to delegate things to! *grin* But for the people that did help out, many thanks. And I am so glad to have such a great partner to work with, especially for all those nights when my brain wasn’t functioning enough to process new information (which was most of them this past week). This was definitely one of those times where two heads are better than one. Everything went much better than expected – wasn’t as long as previous years and everything flowed very smoothly between acts. Obviously a few unexpected bumps here and there but overall, I’d say the night was a success! Now I am in recovery for my sleep-deprived self …the plan is to stay in bed all day. =D

To Irene and Ivan – I’m soo sorry I didn’t call this year. I even had it written down in my agenda…but Thursday being the night before the show, there were a lot of last minute things to take care of and before I realized, it was already past midnight. No excuses though – I’ve just been a very bad friend lately (sorry Yu-ling!) Many, many happy belated birthday wishes to all three of you!! *BIG huggs*

Yet another 2 months have gone by without much of a post. Here's why - I've travelled to 5 different places in the past month and a half. For all you travelling salesmen-types, you have my sympathy. I do not want your career! I would travel for a week and then come back to school for a week of classes, meetings & tests before flying off somewhere else for another week.

1. Hong Kong for Claire's wedding. Wish I had photos to show you the paparazzi, it's kinda crazy! Sucks that that she had to 'work' on their wedding day. It was great to see family I haven't seen in 6 years and so nice to know that neither time nor distance will interfere with how close we are with each other.

2. Toronto for Thanksgiving. I got to meet up with most people and for anyone I missed, I'm really sorry! I tried my best to catch up with everyone and it was so great just to come back and hang out. Steph, thanks for letting me crash at your place for the week...and your parents were SO understanding with my schedule.

3. Denver for American Academy of Optometry meeting. Overwhelmed by the brain power and high standards these members set for themselves. Met many people I look up to and have conflicting sentiments as to where I stand as a woman with with a career in optometry.

4. Vancouver for Christmas holiday. Grandpa passed away just as I arrived at the airport. Sad but at the same time, so good that our entire family was able to come together for the holidays. It will be a while, if ever, we can get everyone back together like this again. Got to spend some real quality time with mom and dad...something that I've been sorely missing since before they left Toronto. Thanks to Kai Ma & Kai Yeh for taking care of Grandma so that we could have some alone time together. Much thoughts on Alzheimer's disease and the effect it has to family and supportive friends.

5. St. Louis for Urbana '06. Live a life worthy of your calling. Intensive. Challenging. Many questions surfaced and no solid answers. On the surface, everything seems quite the same and yet...there's a slight but inherrant change in this infra-structure. Good reminders and a good wake-up. Left with a peaceful heart and a very bad flu.


As much fun as it's been to see everyone, I am quite exhausted and in need of some real down time. Was thinking about going back to Haiti for mission trip in February but a quick reminder from mom that I need to be physically and spiritually strong before serving others is causing me to reconsider. Perhaps it is good to rest and allow the Spirit to administer to me instead.


Obviously, this brief update doesn't even scratch the thoughts that swirl in my head at this time. In time, I will share more. Can only sing praises for the opportunities, experiences and memories thus far. Happy 2007 everyone!