THE SIMPLE LIFE

TRANSPARENCY

Just got back from my weekend retreat earlier today. Lots to think about during my stay there and I never did end up opening my pharm notes.

You know what’s a sucky feeling? Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and then having your fear reinforced afterwards.

It’s funny how we need to have our feelings validated. How when we act a certain way, we expect as certain response from those around. For example: if we tell a joke, we expect others to laugh. What happens when you don’t get the response you expected, a response that you were hoping for?

Does it mean that I shouldn’t have been as transparent or that I regret it? No. I believe that I need to be even more transparent. That so many times we put on this front, that everyone believes everything is okay and no longer bothers to ask – to care. If you’re doing A and B, then you’re on the right track and must be doing fine. If only! How many of the people we interact with on a weekly basis can we say that we honestly know? Know their thoughts, their direction, their hopes, their struggles. How many of the people in our lives do we care about that much? For me, not any. I have enough of my own things to deal with to carry your baggage as well. Now isn’t that a selfish thought? It not supposed to be this way. In a family, all the baggages are assumed – it no longer belongs to just one individual. Your burden becomes mine not for any other reason but because we love each other.

This weekend made me realize several things. I really do find value from other people’s affirmation and that’s not right. There should only be One that I look to because we are all humans and we are bound to fail one another. It’s not that I feel as though others failed me over the weekend. More so that I realized that I was looking in the wrong direction for a response. I see a need (and crave myself) for more genuine relationships around me. But this must begin with my most important relationship. Also, my eyes were opened to the fact that I actually judge other people and their actions a lot, especially when things don’t go MY way…the way I expected or I think that is “right”. Who am I to think these things? What do I know about what is appropriate and what is not? Once again, I am humbled by my own arrogance.

I’m grateful for this weekend and I obviously still have a lot of things to work through, but things are definitely becoming clearer again.