THE SIMPLE LIFE

1. First 24 hours

Baby Elise was born early Sunday morning, exactly a week ago.  You can read the birth story here.  I thank God so much for things going as smoothly as they did, especially will all the unplanned changes to the delivery.  Also that she was born healthy and unharmed.  It's truly amazing at how calm I was throughout the whole ordeal, I wasn't nervous at all, even during the surgery.  I just wish someone could've told me exactly what to expect for recovery and...well, life after baby.

The first 12 hours were great; I was still drugged up and numb and got to have a lot of skin-to-skin contact with the baby.  The first night with her was rough.  We opted to just use OHIP coverage so shared a room with another family.  Their baby cried all day while ours slept and that night, they switched.  Elise was screaming while their baby slept.  So really, both sets of parents didn't get any rest at all!

Fortunately, one of the nurses found out that Alex was a resident and pulled some strings to get us a private room.  It made a HUGE difference cuz I could go to the bathroom and have a crying baby at all hours of the night without worrying about bothering other people.  

2. Pain

It's my own fault too cuz I did read about C-section but just never fully paid attention to all the details because  it wasn't our plan.  I knew that there was going to be swelling of the legs and feet after epidurals but I hadn't realized how bad it was going to be with all the IV fluids too.  I'm just starting to see my ankles again!  The epidural started to wear off after 24-36 hrs and I had REALLY bad shakes that I couldn't control.  The pain was pretty bad too so I increased my oral meds to compensate.  I think the nurses thought I was some sort of addict by the end of my stay - they kept trying to taper me off and I'd keep trying to horde more to stash for future pain!  Turns out I got a mild infection with the staples and the swelling didn't help.  My skin felt like it was being split open all the time.  I was freaking out yesterday when Alex took them all out cuz it hurt so bad.  He then had to clean each wound which burned too.       

Along with pain from the incision, there's new pain from breast-feeding.  Goodness!  I realize now it was cuz baby Elise was hungry and not getting enough colostrum but let me tell you that our little girl can suck hard!  She gets frantic when she's hungry and just attacks one of the most sensitive parts of the female anatomy.  We had some issues with latching and I'm actually purely expressing milk at the moment.  Since she was in NICU any way, I decided to give my boobs a break and try to fully heal before attempting to breastfeed again.  I've got an appointment tomorrow with a lactation consultant to work on proper techniques.  Hopefully there will be no bleeding, blisters, etc. this time around.  

3. Fear

Too be completely honest, I'm more than a little apprehensive to have her latch on again because the breastfeeding has left such a negative impression.  Part of me feels as though she can still get the benefits of breast milk when I pump without having the pain.  But apparently you can only get so much by pump, as the baby gets older, it can draw out more by sucking than a machine could ever do.  I'd have to increase my pumping to compensate for her growth.  And at the moment, I'm still not producing enough milk to feed Elise completely so we've had to top it off with formula.  The other thing I've noticed is that since I've stopped breastfeeding, I don't feel as close to her.  I just produce the milk, Alex's has been the one to feed her and rock her.  Partly because he can have a chance to bond with Elise, but also partly because I can't hold her for extended periods without feeling pain from the incision.  With breastfeeding, I use a pillow so it supports her weight against me.  So it's like a catch-22.  

4. Frustration

When it's in the wee hours of the morning and the baby's been crying non-stop and you can't figure out why because she's been fed, burped, dry diapered, swaddled, rocked I feel as though I'm at my wits end.  I've been told that the first week is the hardest because the learning curve is so huge.  Thank God for Alex and our supportive parents.  Alex has been my rock in all of this - he's so calm in face of each challenge and reminds me to stay positive.  We even got to restart my Bible reading and prayer time, something that would NOT have been anywhere close to the top of my list at this time.  He keeps us focused on our real priorities when I get distracted or upset from well-meaning but unsolicited comments made by others. (ie. my post-pregnancy weight/tummy; feeding regiment; appropriate baby clothes; appropriate baby equipment, etc).  If there is ever a time to be grateful for this husband of mine, it's definitely now.  Our moms have been amazing as well and everyone has their own roles: His mom is responsible for preparing all meals and soups; my mom is responsible for keeping our home clean and taking care of me; Alex does the feeding and diaper changes; I am in charge of pumping milk and making sure my body is healthy enough to make MORE milk.  I don't know what I'm going to do once Alex goes back to work and the moms go back to their own lives.  More learning I guess!

5. Chinese traditions

The moms have been a stickler about certain Chinese traditions.  I've been drinking soups like mad, especially green papaya and fish because it's suppose to boost milk production.  I've been avoiding eggs and shrimp because it's not good if you have an infection.  I can't eat bananas, mangos or melons because they are too "cold".  Anything else that I eat cannot come directly from the fridge but must be at least at room temperature.    (We bought a ton of Haagen Dazs ice cream cuz they were on sale but I'm not allowed to eat it for an entire month).  There's a huge pot of ginger, pork hock and vinegar to give to everyone who visits.  I think I'm suppose to drink some myself but somehow have managed to avoid it thus far.  At least they're not super traditional and require us to do the full month's confinement.  Elise and I were are allowed out of the house and went shopping for a quick errand yesterday.  Otherwise, I think we'd all go stir-crazy.    

6. At the moment

I'm slowly recovering, every day I see improvements in my range of motions, in how quickly I can move and in my energy levels.  I'm one of the fortunate ones who didn't have issues with bowel movements following surgery.  I've heard from several people that theirs were worse than the labour and delivery.  With the staples now out, there's a lot less pain.  I try to avoid laughing, coughing or sneezing or at least hold my stomach tight if I do because all of those actions makes the incision painful, like I'm literally going to bust my gut.  I still can't sleep in my bed because getting up hurts too much, so I've been taking cat naps on the chair instead.  Doesn't make for a very restful sleep but at least getting up several times a night to pump isn't as difficult of a process.  Overall, things are getting better daily.  Hopefully we'll settle into a routine and establish a new type of normal.  Baby's crying now and I'm leaking so better get back to my pumping duties =P  (Probably too much info for all the guys but hey, you'll need it someday for when you have kids - just giving you a heads up!)