THE SIMPLE LIFE

HOLIDAY REFLECTIONS

Now that I’m back in Chicago, I figured it’s time to update the blog (and I don’t feel like studying for my test just yet).

1.
Somewhere deep inside me is the desire to help others, to help fill a little bit the hole that’s in each and every person. I believe that there’s a need - a need to be acknowledged, to be loved, to be cared for, to be held. How does this go together with those who need physical help – money, clothing, food? It’s easy to do just one…but when I try to combine the two, my whole internal structure starts to crumble; my values begin to conflict with my emotions. My thinking begins to go against my feeling, so to speak. “I feel as though there shouldn't be a limit to my love & generosity and yet I can't help but find myself lacking.” And as I struggle with these thoughts, to determine where I stand and how to be consistent, a part of me wants to just put it aside and not think about it. How many more times will I run away scared? How many more times will I replay in my mind the “could’ve, would’ve” scenarios ?

2.
I cannot give enough thanks and praise for my family. More specifically, the harmony and peace that we have. The stability and comfort that I’ve been provided over the years. Their patience and support. There is so much I need to learn from my parents. Caring and witnessing is such an incorporated part of their everyday life that they make it seems so natural. I’m also beginning to see how much I cherish the times we pray together. I think I enjoy praying with others in general. It’s such an awesome connection with God.

3.
Had a much needed breakdown the other day and realized just how frustrated I’ve been recently with my current stage in life. Not that anything has been resolved, but just letting it all out helped release some of the tension I’d been feeling. Thanks again, there’s nothing more comforting than a shoulder to cry on. And to everyone that’s given me a hug this holiday, be it casual or intended – you have no idea what it means to me.

4.
I find that I am never thankful enough for my life. Not just in the materialistic/socio-economical sense but also in the emotional and spiritual sense. I am so loved! It’s amazing and yet…why am I still so restless? It’s so crazy when you think about how many people care about you – those who take the time to chat online, to meet up or even just a quick e-mail can let you know that they’re thinking of you. I’m not appreciative enough of the fact that I’m alive; that this is a gift in itself and of the fact that I’m free. I don’t live each day to the fullest and I don’t live in the present as much as I live in the past and in the future.

5.
Speaking of living in the future, romantic relationships have been on my mind so much this holiday season. I don’t know what’s come over me but hearing of four different engagements just within these 2 weeks certainly hasn’t helped. I love how both family and many friends have told me in not-so-subtle words that I need to be more “obvious” *laughs* I can already picture hilarious reactions resulting from this advice.

Conversation excerpts on cooking & relationships:
Me: No Way! I’m only going to cook for a guy I like.
Dad: (after giving me a look) You better think this through more carefully…once you cook for him, he might not like you anymore!
Ouch! But I have to admit it was funny.

Mom: I’m sorry I never learned to cook well all these years.
Dad: I married a wife not to cook for me; I married a wife for me to love.
Awww...

Of course, I couldn’t get the exact translations from Chinese but you can get the gist of it.
And those are reasons #101 and #102 why I want a guy like my dad! =P