THE SIMPLE LIFE

So I was studying for low vision today (my last exam) and during the geriactic section, our guest lecturer the following attached to our notes. I thought I'd just share it with all of you:



This poem was found among the few simples belongings of an elderly lady, after she died in a geriactic ward of a hospital.

Was reading Dust's blog just now and started thinking about interviews as such. I was planning to put together my C.V. this weekend - soooo not looking forward to it. And I feel like I have no real experience these past 3 years, like I should have research papers and posters under my belt even though I know it's so not true. Cuz as you were all saying, there's a lot of school-related experiences you could use during interviews as well. I think I just forget them once it's all over.

Part of me thinks it sucks cuz I have to all over from scratch for my C.V. since pretty much all my things up to undergrad is no longer relevant. But another part of me is glad because it's like I've wiped my slate clean. Although I have to say that I've enjoyed my experiences up through undergrad.

And in relation to interviewing skills and such, or just talking to people in general...sounding confident is key. I honestly believe that this is what sets apart the good students from the amazing ones in clinic. And this has been my biggest struggle so far. I have the knowledge in my head and my attending doctors know that I am a competent clinician, and yet somehow when I present my cases to them, I sound like I'm second-guessing myself. Something I've been trying to work on that this quarter - my presentation skills. I'm great with speaking to large groups because I can practice saying the same thing over and over. But you never get the exact same patient twice in clinic. Which is what makes it exciting too I suppose. I think I just need to see more patients - bring it!

Oops...almost forgot. Happy V-day everyone! What are your plans for tonight?

1.
In the midst of finals right now...I don't know why, but it's getting increasingly harder and harder to study and be eager about school. And it's not even about being burnt-out - I'm just plain lazy. For example, I had a exam today, and didn't really start studying until this morning...and the exam was worth 60% of my final grade! What am I thinking?? And the craziest part is, even as I am blogging this - I still don't really care. Am I honestly getting sick of school? Is it possible? Or is it just the fact that I have become apathetic to everything around me?

2.
Things are...I don't know. In some sense, they're great! Never been better. And in other senses, they're okay to not so good. Is it possible to have such conflicting emotions going through a person simultaneously? I guess so, especially since I'm the emotional type. Or maybe I'm just trying to lie to myself.

3.
I had started a blog a week ago my thoughts on finances but now I'm not really in the mood to finish it. But yeah, that's been something on my mind. How to keep track/manage my expenses.

4.
I've been thinking about my future a lot. We've done grad photos and our cap & gown measurements already. Totally starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel. But where will it show me? I fluctuate back and forth on Residency. I'll probably end up doing it but in moments such as now, when I don't want to study - it makes me wonder why I would want to continue on with higher education. Maybe because I like to defer making decisions as much as possible; hoping that my circumstances will make the decision for me.

5.
Restless. That's the word I've been using the describe my current state of being lately. I am neither here nor there. I have no clue where I want to be but I know 'this' is not it. You can probably tell from the blog itself that my mind is very jumpy right now.

6.
I've been having this toothache that won't go away. I went to the dentist (who charged me $110 for a 10 min consult & X-rays) only to find out that there really is no problem so it's likely that I grind my teeth when I sleep due to stress. I want a second opinion. I don't feel that I'm stressed. Unless there's a lot of subconscious things going on that I need to work out.

7.
I was reading Steph's blog and was totally jealous that y'all went to Tremblant. I can't even remember when the last time I joined everyone for a trip - probably camping over the summer, before Herb left for Japan? Geez louise, that was so long ago. I think I need a weekend getaway. I should find a cabin somewhere in Wisconsin. I just want to be a kid again - you know, throw some snowballs, go tubing, play board games, stay up late chatting. Anybody want to join me?

This last week and a half has been quite nuts. Had some big issues to go before God with – the frustrating thing is knowing that I will have to continually come back to Him about it. That’s never going to be over and done with. But God is GOOD and SO faithful. And he even provided me my mom!!

That’s right, you heard me. My mom came down to Chicago for my long weekend spur-of-the-moment. So not only did I get to spend Christmas this year with my entire family, but I also got some alone time this past weekend. It was so great to chat with her the 5 days straight. And also to be relaxing at home, trying to fully recover from all the illnesses I’ve come down with over the holidays. One day was spent entirely in the kitchen. Note: me in the kitchen = crazyness. She tried to teach me a few simple things to make…maybe I’ll attempt them again today. Who am I kidding? =P But in all honesty, I am so thankful for her (and my dad’s) support and prayers. Just goes to remind me that our God is bigger than everything.

This past week was the best. Every year our school has a talent show and this year, it falls under the 3rd year’s responsibility (namely, Scott & I). I’ve never had to organize anything of this size, much less a production, and now that I actually have time to reflect, it a heck of a lot of work!! Suggestions for next year’s class – find lots of people to delegate things to! *grin* But for the people that did help out, many thanks. And I am so glad to have such a great partner to work with, especially for all those nights when my brain wasn’t functioning enough to process new information (which was most of them this past week). This was definitely one of those times where two heads are better than one. Everything went much better than expected – wasn’t as long as previous years and everything flowed very smoothly between acts. Obviously a few unexpected bumps here and there but overall, I’d say the night was a success! Now I am in recovery for my sleep-deprived self …the plan is to stay in bed all day. =D

To Irene and Ivan – I’m soo sorry I didn’t call this year. I even had it written down in my agenda…but Thursday being the night before the show, there were a lot of last minute things to take care of and before I realized, it was already past midnight. No excuses though – I’ve just been a very bad friend lately (sorry Yu-ling!) Many, many happy belated birthday wishes to all three of you!! *BIG huggs*

Yet another 2 months have gone by without much of a post. Here's why - I've travelled to 5 different places in the past month and a half. For all you travelling salesmen-types, you have my sympathy. I do not want your career! I would travel for a week and then come back to school for a week of classes, meetings & tests before flying off somewhere else for another week.

1. Hong Kong for Claire's wedding. Wish I had photos to show you the paparazzi, it's kinda crazy! Sucks that that she had to 'work' on their wedding day. It was great to see family I haven't seen in 6 years and so nice to know that neither time nor distance will interfere with how close we are with each other.

2. Toronto for Thanksgiving. I got to meet up with most people and for anyone I missed, I'm really sorry! I tried my best to catch up with everyone and it was so great just to come back and hang out. Steph, thanks for letting me crash at your place for the week...and your parents were SO understanding with my schedule.

3. Denver for American Academy of Optometry meeting. Overwhelmed by the brain power and high standards these members set for themselves. Met many people I look up to and have conflicting sentiments as to where I stand as a woman with with a career in optometry.

4. Vancouver for Christmas holiday. Grandpa passed away just as I arrived at the airport. Sad but at the same time, so good that our entire family was able to come together for the holidays. It will be a while, if ever, we can get everyone back together like this again. Got to spend some real quality time with mom and dad...something that I've been sorely missing since before they left Toronto. Thanks to Kai Ma & Kai Yeh for taking care of Grandma so that we could have some alone time together. Much thoughts on Alzheimer's disease and the effect it has to family and supportive friends.

5. St. Louis for Urbana '06. Live a life worthy of your calling. Intensive. Challenging. Many questions surfaced and no solid answers. On the surface, everything seems quite the same and yet...there's a slight but inherrant change in this infra-structure. Good reminders and a good wake-up. Left with a peaceful heart and a very bad flu.


As much fun as it's been to see everyone, I am quite exhausted and in need of some real down time. Was thinking about going back to Haiti for mission trip in February but a quick reminder from mom that I need to be physically and spiritually strong before serving others is causing me to reconsider. Perhaps it is good to rest and allow the Spirit to administer to me instead.


Obviously, this brief update doesn't even scratch the thoughts that swirl in my head at this time. In time, I will share more. Can only sing praises for the opportunities, experiences and memories thus far. Happy 2007 everyone!

I love lazy mornings such as this. I have a final exam tomorrow that I haven’t started studying for – big surprise. But that’s not even close to the top of my thoughts this morning. I woke up @ 6:30 for a morning call then went back to bed. Woke up again @ 8:30 but just lounged in bed until 9:30 reading blogs and contemplating. Got out of bed to dust/vacuumed my room. (As a side note, long hair is nice and all but I shed as much as a dog – how gross!) Had a nice long shower and I’ve just been sitting at my desk slowly organizing things.

There’s something about being is a bath robe during the day that’s so…comforting. I guess that’s why ladies are always wearing bath robes sitting around and chatting at spas. It gives the feeling of having the luxury of time. If I drank coffee regularly I would so have one right now and just enjoy this moment. The cleaning of my room also give me a feeling of accomplishing something and now that the entire apartment’s clean, I’m even more relaxed. *closes eyes & sighs* What a wonderful way to start off the day.

Goodness! I was listening to the radio today while studying and heard some old R&B songs from when I was in elementary/high school. I looked up the lyrics cuz I liked the songs and wanted to sing along only to be completely shocked - I never realized how graphic the words really were! Now I’m not saying I wasn’t sheltered but it’s still kind of crazy what we’re exposed to as kids. But then a part of me wonders if I would’ve comprehended half the stuff they were alluding to even if I knew the words. I probably would’ve taken things at face value. But that’s even more disturbing…to picture little kids singing and dancing along to very explicit lyrics thinking they meant something completely different.

I really don’t like Xanga. I don’t like the fact that you can have locks so only ppl who have Xanga can read it. And I don’t like how you can choose who you want to view your entries. How am I supposed to stalk people??? Seriously! I know it’s been a while since I’ve surfed blogs but I am suddenly sad because there are so many pages that I can no longer access. There are only a few women whose entries will challenged and encouraged me by how they live their daily lives and to be locked out because I don’t know them personally is a total bummer. But I am glad for the impact that they’ve had on my life and hope that they will continue to do the same with people who actually know them. Livejournal doesn’t have locks right?

Was chatting with Jeff online last night and he suggested something to me. It’s not even that big of a deal – small, casual, and easy to do. At first, I brushed it off, but the more I think about it…the more I find that it’s actually a bigger deal to me than I originally thought. To go forward with this is confronting a lot of my fears. I don’t know if I am ready for it yet. And the fact that I can’t do it right away confirms that I have all these thoughts that I never even realized I had. So now I am hearing a voice in the back of my head saying, “And you thought you were ready for that?!! You can’t even do this yet! What's the rush? Enjoy this. Just take your time and TRUST ME”. *Deep sigh* Still such a long way to go…but so relieved I am not doing it alone.

Hmm…Got my first final tomorrow and I haven’t really started studying. This is not good. I slept in until 12:30 today and now I’m blogging as a means to delay studying. Having a hard time focusing.

But I forgot to tell you guys my final externship assignment. So here’s my schedule for next year:

Summer: Rapid City, South Dakota
Fall: Detroit, Michigan
Winter: West Haven, Connecticut
Spring: Chicago, Illinois

I am soo psyched about this! It’s exactly what I wanted – perhaps even better than Seattle. (Sorry Sam, there was no way I was going to get it cuz my classmate who set up the site got priority for summer. Guess that means you’re going to have to save that ride on your motorcycle for another time).

I was looking up Rapid City and it sounds like the perfect time to be there is in the summer. It’s close to Mount Rushmore and all these different national parks. Now I know I’m not super out-doorsy but maybe it’ll change if I live out there for a while. Either way, I know I can definitely appreciate the beauty of nature.

Detroit – yeah, I’m so excited to be close to everyone. I’m not planning to live in Detroit (so Cam, hopefully I’ll stay alive *grin*); more likely finding a place to stay in Windsor and than just crossing the border to work every day. That what a lot of the previous students did – most ppl who take the Detroit site are Canadian any way. Besides, didn’t you guys say there’s a great outlet mall around? *wink* Perfect excuse! It’ll be great since I’ll actually get to be around for Thanksgiving next year! And I can come back and see everyone more often too. Although now that most people are working, I wonder how often we’d actually get together. Either way, at least I’m closer than ever.

I don't know what West Haven would be like in the winter but I don't particularly care about the city itself because site is at a blind institute and I'm really looking forward to going there for low vision. Apparently you can learn Braille too if you want!

The best part about all this is that all these sites sound like they are amazing learning opportunities. All the student feedbacks have been great – from what you get to see to what the preceptors are willing to teach and I’m eager to find out all the things that I can gain from all of this. The crazy part will be moving every 3 months. I’ve never done the co-op thing so I think it’ll be hard to just start to get settled in and than needing to move again. But it’ll definitely be an experience.

The hard part is enjoying where I am right now. I do…but I don’t think nearly enough. I can’t believe that I’m already halfway done 3rd year. Only 2 more quarters left and we’re all pretty much going our separate ways until graduation. I keep reminding myself to just sit back and enjoy this moment, that I’m not going to have it again: the school atmosphere, the camaraderie, the sleeping in whenever I want.

I was just commenting last night how thankful I need to be because there is absolutely nothing I should ever complain about. I have a roof over my head, a warm bed, plenty of food, a wonderful family, awesome friends and a great education. I’ve never lacked anything. There is no reason to ever be sad, angry or upset. I know I’ve never done or can do anything to deserve it. It’s just been given to me. Just like it’s been given to all of us. How blessed are we! How many people can say that? And how many are completely satisfied, filled with joy and peace? You alone satisfy. You alone are enough.

I received an e-mail from a friend in response to my last blog. I just thought I'd post my reply...hope you don't mind since I forgot to ask permission but I didn't include any names just in case. Let me know and I'll take this down.



Thanks for your e-mail, it's a nice change from the masses of junk mail =)

I know you probably won’t agree with me but just the fact that you’re wondering…I believe it’s a ‘God nudge’. You may believe that these thoughts are purely your own. That you’re not trying to seek God in any way. That you’re questioning for completely different motives. You may be asking simply to have a good discussion. Which is cool and I enjoy it immensely. But I believe that our God’s placed these questions on your heart, that they’re not just from you alone. And I believe that He’s surrounded you with the specific friends that you have so that you can ask questions and hopefully see Him at work in their lives.

I don't think I can explain in any different terms so that you could better comprehend because it's like you said, it’s one of those things no one can really explain. That's why I said I wish you could experience it for yourself. It's like...'the wind.' I'm stealing this analogy from the movie A Walk to Remember (great girly movie btw, bawled my eyes out).

You can't see 'wind' in and of itself but:
-you know it's there through the things it affects (ie. waves rising in hurricanes, dust & dirt swirling in tornados)
-you can definitely feel it (ie. on your skin, in your hair)
-and its power cannot be denied. Sometimes the power can be wonderful (as in the case with windmills and sailboats) and sometimes its power can be devastating (ie. trees bending and houses collapsing).


As a woman of science, did the scientific questioning part of you not speak up during your revelations about God?

Heck yeah! Of course…I think it’s in our nature to question things, especially in an age where we’re taught that everything must be supported by scientific proof. I had crazy amount of questions.
-How did they know that the Bible wasn’t just a bunch of guys making up stories?
-How did they know that Jesus wasn’t made up as well? Did He even really exist?
-How do they know that Jesus was God?

It went on and on! And I’ve spoken to other ppl who are from a science background (optometry, nursing, etc.) and we were very similar in that we wanted cold hard facts…no emotional, feel-y stuff involved.

At that time, someone recommended that I read Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. It’s funny now in retrospect cuz I remember arguing with the book while reading it. But I liked how the author introduced scientific evidence and arguments similar to a murder trial. And since I enjoy reading suspense/mystery novels, I found this book to be an easy read.

I don’t know if this has to do with anything but all the people I’ve known who’ve read this book happen to be women. If you believe that men and women have different logic *grin* then perhaps I Don’t Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist by Norman Geisler would be a better choice. I haven’t read it yet but there’s a guy in my class who was seeking and recommends it so maybe I will. But if you’re interested in the 1st book, you can borrow mine the next time I see you – just let me know.


Secondly, how do you reconcile your science training with matters of faith?

As I see it, there’s nothing to reconcile. If anything, my science training just further supports my faith! *Warning, I’m going to be a geek here*

Have you ever actually sat back and thought about what you’re learning? I don’t do it too often cuz I’m too busy trying to memorize all the info but sometimes I like to think about my molecular biology course from undergrad. How we learn about transcription factors, silencers and repressor genes, etc (not that I remember much). But all these proteins, they’re like little machines – they each have their own job to do. If something goes wrong, they can usually fix it unless it’s really bad. And we know (or at least we think we do) all this stuff about these little guys - how to manipulate them, how to delete/suppress them, or in some cases maybe even multiply them.

And they’re so tiny!!! Have you ever thought about how tiny they are? Yes we can break them down into chemicals, and even further into atoms. And somehow they combine together to form proteins and are found working on DNA, in the form of chromosomes, which is inside the nucleus (think of how many other things are inside the nucleus), which is inside a cell (think of how many other things are inside the cell), which makes up a tissue, and forms an organ, found in our body. That's how tiny we’re talking about. I mean think about replication and all the little proteins involved in that – polymerases, helicases, etc. I simply CANNOT believe that all this was evolution. That all these proteins somehow suddenly up and decided one day that they had a certain job to do. There HAS to be a higher power that planned such intricacies; there’s too much detail involved to be explained away by chance alone.

And think about it, that’s only one organ we’re talking about. Somehow all the organs in our bodies can communicate with each other and somehow we can move and form thoughts and experience emotions…and communicate! I am typing this out and you understand the words that you’re reading. All because of a bunch of chemical reactions and electric impulses…How amazing is that?!! How can you even wrap your mind around that?

If you think about how much we know about science…all the knowledge, all the theories that we’ve accumulated over the years, you’d realize that we’ve barely scratched the surface. Ask any scientist or any professional in a science-related field and you’d find that the reason we’re in this area of study is because there’s always something new and exciting to discover – to learn. It never ends. And there will always be more unanswered questions. Questions that I think can only be answered when we believe. Science and faith go hand in hand, one doesn’t need to be sacrificed for the other…they’re both yearning to discover the truth and I believe they ultimately lead to the same answer.


I love this passage in Job 38 because it acknowledges who God really is through nature:

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions?
Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were it's footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone -
while the morning starts sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?

Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt'?

It continues on and shows how God's hand is in everything. To read the whole passage go here. As always, comments (or e-mails) are more than welcome. 2 more weeks until Hong Kong!

P.S. Thanks everyone for the cards, phone calls & e-mails. This was the best birthday ever in so many ways. I can't believe how incredibly loved I am...thank you God.

"What drove you to seek God in the first place?"


Who is Jesus? Who is this guy that everyone claims to know and love? Do you ever wonder about that?

It’s funny that you should ask me this question Gary. If you asked me now, I can look back and say that God was drawing me close to him. But at the time, I wouldn’t say that. At the time, it just felt like something wasn’t right.

I don’t even know when I first wanted to seek God. I remember going with Simon to his church fellowship in the summer going into 3rd year of Waterloo. But apparently I had a conversation with Louis during 2nd year where I said I wanted to know more about God. So who knows. I don’t think there was ever an exact moment – at least not for me there wasn’t.

Instead, I believe we get these inklings which I’ll call ‘God nudges’. They’re just split second moments where you wonder. I’ve been getting them all my life but ignoring them most of the time. I distinctly recall a vivid nudge in elementary school when I asked Simon why he didn’t go for confession and communion like everyone else in our class. He gave his answer and I had a ‘God nudge’ to dig deeper, to try to understand what he believed. But I chose to ignore it. This deliberate ignoring continued most of the time until 2nd year of university. I can see now that God surrounded me with many different people – family, friends, random acquaintances – and used them to give me a little nudges.

-Sometimes it was because they did something differently from me.
Why did they think going to church was such a big deal? And it wasn’t even that they physically just needed to be in the building – they actually wanted to go! I found that a little weird, don’t you?

-Sometimes it was the way they saw things.
What is this Bible, this book, that you hold to be Truth? And what do you mean guys and girls are meant to be different because that’s the way God made us?

-But most of the time, the nudges came because of the way they acted.
I witnessed and experienced things that man cannot do by their own power alone. I watched my parents’ marriage blossom into this amazingly loving and open relationship when they invited God into their lives and the marriage was no longer about themselves. I’ve experienced selfless giving time and time again from people who didn’t have any other agenda (they weren’t trying to ‘convert’ me), they had nothing to prove to anyone (especially me) and acted only because the Spirit was moving in them.

And I wish you could see and experience all these things for yourself. Because there’s no words to describe it. When you really encounter God, it’s life-changing. There’s no way around it. He convicts you. He moves you. And things are never quite the same again. Life isn’t picture-perfect. And you don’t become perfect when you accept Jesus. Y’all know me and you can definitely attest to the fact that I’m far from perfect! If anything, you just become increasingly aware of how much more you need HIM in your life.

I don’t know everyone who reads this blog, nor do I know your background. But here’s a challenge for you:
Ever actually opened up the Bible and read from it? (And it doesn’t count when it’s read to you from the pulpit!)

If not, I recommend you try it. You’d be amazed at what God’s Word can do to convict you. At least, that’s what happened to me. Of course, I had to borrow someone else’s cuz it’s not like I had one lying around back then. But I’m sure we all know at least one person who owns a Bible.

Secondly:
Do you know Jesus – who He is and what He stood for?

Sad to say that even though I was brought up in the Catholic school system, I couldn’t ever answer this question. And only when I honestly prayed to know more about Jesus, did I realize that He was already answering my prayers. If you even have the slightest curiosity to know, then pray to God and tell Him!

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” ~ Jeremiah 29:13
That’s God’s promise to us.

I don’t know what you were expecting when you asked that question, but I hope this response answered it. If not, feel free to shot off more specific questions or just give me a call. That goes for all of you too. =)